hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21103 Approved Quotes | 1 in Moderation Queue
#242746 [ + | - ] 663
<Petter>It's a bug
<X-Winger2>I refuse to believe XP has any bugs ;P
<X-Winger2>well
<X-Winger2>Except it won't let me see my hard drive right now
#242712 [ + | - ] 960
<soink> and im not that fat
<soink> cameras add like 48 pounds
<SteelStud> Well, you must have used 5 cameras on that
picture.
#242534 [ + | - ] 608
* Warlocke sings, "What a girl wants, what a girl needs, is a
box of Kotex month-lee-ee when she blee-eeds."
<Katrina> OMFG
#242402 [ + | - ] 2439
DinjackPD: there was this once, like three years ago, I forgot
this big project I had to turn in when I went to school
DinjackPD: so I called home to my dad (he works out of a home
office) and asked him to bring it for me
DinjackPD: so he came to school with it and he came up to me
and shook my hand and said "Hi there, I'm David, I'm your
personal secretary."
DinjackPD: And I said "Hi there, I'm your son, you signed on
for this shit when you didn't wear a condom."
DinjackPD: I thought it was funnier than he did
#242303 [ + | - ] 730
<+MrKite> I remember one of my teachers, she was a female
teacher, and it was hawaiian week and she had too lais around
her neck. Eric said to her "I see you got laid over the
weekend" which instantly made me think he was going to have
problems, she casually responded "Yeah, twice"
#242116 [ + | - ] 266
<Tie> CD-RWs are like.. virigins who never lose their
virginity no matter how much you fuck 'em
#241729 [ + | - ] 551
<dpkg> greycat:
BadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerMushroomMUSHROOMBadgerBadgerBadgerBadgerSnaaaaaaaaakkeeeASnaaaaake

<greycat> ah, the lynx-compatible version.
#241623 [ + | - ] 1199
<MegaDeth> family pack of condoms
<MegaDeth> hehehe
<MegaDeth> that's amusing on so many levels
#241391 [ + | - ] 451
<Grey> I downloaded an ISO image of a game which turned out to
be porn...
<Grey> people don't respect anything anymore
<Borlath_Mon> I downloaded Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri, and
sadly, it turned out to be Sid Meier's Alpha Centauri.
#241368 [ + | - ] 516
<Continuity> EVERY TIME YOU LEECH A GAME, GOD KILLS AN RIIA
EMPLOYEE
<east> that wouldn't work
<east> the RIAA would've been eradicated a long time ago
<Curry> they just throw a specimen back to the spawning vats
<Curry> *spoof* instant employees
<Outrider> LOL RIAA RUSH KEKEKEKEKEKEKE ^_________________^
#241363 [ + | - ] 876
<dabblerblue> i called tech support today
<dabblerblue> and shortly thereafter, they sent me an email
detailing the use
of search engines
<dabblerblue> sarcastic bastards
#241250 [ + | - ] 723
<digitz> I really hate it when girls think it's sexy to stand
up and pull there cunt flaps apart and make it look like they
have the predator between there legs
#241228 [ + | - ] 761
<turboeli> Someday I will achieve my project of putting
together the ultimate funny stereotype, the Engrish Gangsta.
However, I have yet to progress further than 'bring bring'.
#241223 [ + | - ] 416
<c41yp50> "If elected, Kerry will appoint Captain Planet as
secretary of defense, but the military will crumble when
everyone realizes how stupid the power of heart is."
#241189 [ + | - ] -14
<peer> man bash.org sucks they never accept my super witty
comments
<FyreDaug> welcome to the club
<FyreDaug> all those roses are red poems get accepted, half of
them suck
<peer> fuckin niggers
<FyreDaug> I vote we all try to take over bash.org
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<FyreDaug> those fuckers got to us already
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#241121 [ + | - ] 459
Alex: I'm so goth even my chocobos are black.
#241084 [ + | - ] 823
<NrgSpoon> what's the difference between an orange?
<Doragon> one of them doesn't
<smh> best joke evr
#240928 [ + | - ] 667
eriberri: i just finished removing all sorts of third-party
hair from the keyboard :p
*** EtherKnot (~ek@24.66.4.100) has joined channel #macintosh
Snausages: mmm, buttfurr
EtherKnot: woah
EtherKnot: let me try that again
*** EtherKnot has left channel #macintosh
#240917 [ + | - ] 1151
<Evilution> I was at 7-11 today and this girls comes up and
talks to me and stuff (dont ask me to define stuff)
<Evilution> except for the boobies she was wrong in every
possible way for me..
<Evilution> after a while when she says "I'll give you my
number so we can meet up again"
<Evilution> then I said "No, that wont be necessary, I wouldnt
call you anyway"
<ImperioN^> lol
<Evilution> that kinda ticked her off I guess, cause then she
said something like
<Evilution> "what kinda moron are you? cant you tell when
someone's flirting with you?!?"
<Evilution> I grinned and replied "what kinda moron are you
who cant tell when you're being dissed?"
<Evilution> that's one of them moments you just cant help
feeling proud of..
#240899 [ + | - ] 738
Keladry43:    i am very bad at crabble
Stumacha:    obviously
Keladry43:    uh. yeah. dammit.
#240871 [ + | - ] 492
xlegoLASelfx: lifes a bitch
x0xsmeagol1x0x: but if it were a slut, it would be too easy
#240850 [ + | - ] 1430
<LORD|Kittel|Work> I had a user tell me that she couldn't see
anything on her PC. I had her verify for me that it was
plugged in and that it was turned on. When it still didn't
display anything I went to her office to take a look.
<LORD|Kittel|Work> She didn't have a computer. She had a
monitor only.
<LORD|Bishop|Werk> hahahahahahaaha
<LORD|Kittel|Work> But that was indeed plugged in and turned
on.
<LORD|Kittel|Work> I had to give her that.
#240849 [ + | - ] 14192
<Patrician|Away> what does your robot do, sam
<bovril> it collects data about the surrounding environment,
then discards it and drives into walls
#240765 [ + | - ] 688
<cads> hey, do you guys know what kind adhesive electrtical
tape uses; my borther put electrical tape on his monitor, and
it left a residue when it came off
<cads> so I need to figure out a solven that will get rid of
it
<cads> without destroying the screen finish of his (LCD)
monitor
<comemirda> cads - what happened?
<cads> he was watching anime
<cads> and he didn't want to look at the subtitles
<cads> so the idjit put a strip of electrical tape on his
monitor
#240399 [ + | - ] 638
*Josh has joined #artstudio
<Josh> quick guys, how do you reattach the head to a dead
body?
#240219 [ + | - ] 667
x NIKKI MERSH x: would u still come over my house if my
parents saw a picture of ur penis?
hOckey: yeah
hOckey: why!?
x NIKKI MERSH x: just curious
#240141 [ + | - ] 269
<Sphexi_LOTU> Volvo has a new concept car out, designed by
women for women.
<Sphexi_LOTU> It has verticle wing-type doors so women won't
get their dresses torn when getting out, lots of luggage space
for shopping bags, removable seat covers and carpeting so you
can remodel the car at will, and extra large visor mirrors for
applying makeup.
<Sphexi_LOTU> it's going to be extra reliable and maintenance
free, so women won't have to worry about remembering to get
the oil changed or the engine tuned up.
<CaesarMaximus> Volvo swedish quality =)
<Tempest_MD> Does it come with a driver?
<Tempest_MD> (women don't know how to drive)
#240120 [ + | - ] 2038
<TheDarkOfKnight> When I was a seinor in high school we had to
make a video and had to have blood packs. The best blood packs
are made from condoms.
<TheDarkOfKnight> We had the following on the checkout
counter: 1 Box of Trojan Magnum condoms, 2 Bottles of Corn
oil, 4 Bottles of red food color, 2 Super 8 video cassettes
and 1 Roll of duct tape.
<TheDarkOfKnight> I have never before gotten weirder looks.
#240088 [ + | - ] 286
<mefwork> haha, someone from purchasing sent out an email
marked urgent -- WE WILL NOT BE BUYING COLORED POST-IT NOTES
ANY LONGER AS THEY ARE MORE EXPENSIVE THAN THE STANDARD YELLOW
COLORED ONES
#240059 [ + | - ] 281
<Doh_> programming is the act of creating a computer program
<Doh_> not of copying and pasting other peoples code
<Doh_> not to mention on the grand scheme of things, youre
program is about as complex as the little clicky thing on the
end of some pens
#240044 [ + | - ] 1602
<DeAdiNsiDe> WOooOH!
<DeAdiNsiDe> SPIDERS!!!!!!!!
<Spiders> yes?
<DeAdiNsiDe> I FOUND MY DICK!!!
<DeAdiNsiDe> I FOUND MY DICK!!!
<DeAdiNsiDe> I FOUND MY DICK!!!
<DeAdiNsiDe> err
<DeAdiNsiDe> disk!
<Spiders> hahaha
<DeAdiNsiDe> Ooh fuck
<DeAdiNsiDe> im never gonna hear the end of that one
#240030 [ + | - ] 141
<Alby_Fox> if pirating movies was an olympic sport I'd be
canada
<Alby_Fox> or some other country
<Alby_Fox> that loses
#240021 [ + | - ] 223
<benko> 302 Found -> Location: http://127.0.0.1/
your_machine_has_been_blocked_by_sourceforge.net_due_to_heavy_volume--usually-crawling...

<benko> damndamndamn
<benko> working for a search engine company does have its downsides :-/
#240013 [ + | - ] 198
<CCCXLVI> Ok so what I'm saying is, that CapnSilver said she
was ugly, so that must mean that any girl that he has had any
sort of relationship with must be BETTER looking than Paris
Hilton... So basically he has only gone out with models??
<CCCXLVI> Which we all know is utter shit.
<jaxxon> your argument is 'shes better looking because i say
so'
<CCCXLVI> Bullshit, that's my whole argument just there.
<CCCXLVI> Read it you fucking ignoramous.
<CapnSilver> the flaw in your arguement is that you think
you're right
#239995 [ + | - ] 1464
<Drychtnath> csn hold sm u ajcp;pjp
<Drychtnath> *I cns hdol mu alclhoo
<Drychtnath> *can, *hold, *my, *alcohol
<getoutofmygalley> You should really go to bed, Dan. You're
way too drunk.
<Drychtnath> butr i'm not
<Drychtnath> least i don't think dfo
<Drychtnath> dfo = spo
<Drychtnath> spo = os
<Drychtnath> os = so
#239973 [ + | - ] 965
* Joins: kewty (sunkloto@vw4936.iprimus.net.au)
<kewty> wat av i mist?
<chopsuey> english class
#239953 [ + | - ] 297
<Eagon> yeah we talk about important stuff in here
<ded_guy> yeah
<ded_guy> so, who in here has gas?
<spatula> i do
#239936 [ + | - ] 471
<MassHysteria> I must have been high when I did up my linux
box.
<MassHysteria> fuckin a.. this sucks.. now I'm gonna haveta
reinstall everything.
<MassHysteria> ah well.. I'll chalk it up to experience
<Hominid> "I had to reinstall Linux.  'Cause I got high,
'cause I got high."
#239870 [ + | - ] 856
punkass keith: did i tell you my aborted baby idea?
ecj: no what is it
punkass keith: if i was a girl, i would get pregnant as many
times as possible, then have abortions after the third month
of beign pregnat so i would deliver a potatoe sized 1/3
developed dead fetus, then i would take the fetus, put it in a
jar of perservative liquid and put it on a shelf in a secret
room in my house.  and i would do it until i had so many the
rooms walls were nothign but potatoe sized aborted fetuses.
then i would have a kid and when they're bad i would make them
sit in the fetus room and remind them of how easy i could have
aborted their ass.
#239817 [ + | - ] 1481
<my_ass_is_hot> So the vice principle was fucking like,
sweating because she was a fat bitch and it was lunch time
<uber_bob> lol
<my_ass_is_hot> so as soon as the bell rings she rushes out of
the office like a scud missle heading for a childrens daycare
<krazykillah> ROFl
<my_ass_is_hot> but when she comes back there are like 6 of us
there waiting for her and she says, "all right, whos my next
victim?"
<my_ass_is_hot> and I yell, "A CHEESEBURGER!"
<my_ass_is_hot> there was this huge silence and then everybody
in the room including some other teacher started laughing like
hell and the fat bitch is just staring like she wants to kill
me
<my_ass_is_hot> i got suspended :(
#239799 [ + | - ] 754
<swesticles> OK, I fixed my match.com profile. Sadly, I'll
still be a gay man with a nice butt that likes kittens for
24-72 hours until my new profile is approved :(
<Psion> what?
<swesticles> I changed my password, too, so whatever assfuck
hacked my account can suck my dick.
#239735 [ + | - ] 584
ericZir: what a retard
Shyne Po: Lol yeah
ericZir: retard*
ericZir: oh
ericZir: nvm
#239720 [ + | - ] 433
<port-> well peace out fuckers
<port-> im done with soa
<port-> email me if u want to talk, odoyle has the address.
* port- sets mode: -o port-
* port- (port-@c-66-229-187-206.we.client2.attbi.com) has left
#soangels
<ap0c> heh
<ap0c> he'll be back
* port- (port-@c-66-229-187-206.we.client2.attbi.com) has
joined #soangels
<port-> god damn autojoin
* port- (port-@c-66-229-187-206.we.client2.attbi.com) has left
#soangels
#239711 [ + | - ] 826
<Marilyn> I have a very large trouser snake in my backyard!!
<RaydenUni> trouser snake?
<Diazo> good for you
<RaydenUni> what's that?
<RaydenUni> a big snake that crawls up your trousers?
-a few seconds pass-
<RaydenUni> wtf? don't look up "trouser snake" on google
#239710 [ + | - ] 513
<+llamaInAbox> i have lint in my eye
<+llamaInAbox> this is not nice
<+ApEtc> Remove it
<+llamaInAbox> the eye?
<+ApEtc> Whichever stops your complaining
#239701 [ + | - ] 584
<skitax> finally
<skitax> i just upgraded to 56k
#239680 [ + | - ] 323
* Joins: kickurass
*** wes changes the topic to 'latest: phoenix 2.1 gamecobe
loader'
*** wes changes the topic to 'latest: phoenix 2.1 gamecube
looder'
<wes> shit, that i suck lol.
*** wes changes the topic to 'update: latest phoenix 2.1
loader for gamecube'
<kickurass> can someone tell me what's the latest version of
the phoenix loader is???
#239650 [ + | - ] 261
<drangdloon> I work on my knees 8-10 hours a day..
<drangdloon> get your minds out of the gutter
<drangdloon> i am a flooring contractor
#239601 [ + | - ] 929
<Jack> I hit a new low today
<Jack> I claimed lag when I tipped over a cup as I was
reaching for it
<Jack> out loud.
#239582 [ + | - ] 431
<@Zero_C> This game makes me happy
<@Zero_C> http://www.fairyland.com.my/
<@Zero_C> It has faries ^_^
<@Zero_C> I feel like a 3 year old queer boy all over again
<@Zero_C> What the fuck
<@Zero_C> It wants my social security number