hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21103 Approved Quotes | 0 in Moderation Queue
#384228 [ + | - ] 698
<Aragorn^> I tried using the old "show me yours and I'll show
you mine" trick...maybe I should reverse it...show me yours OR
I'll show you mine.
#384176 [ + | - ] 443
<Reedy> man im lame
<Reedy> i was walking around the city tonight
<Reedy> looking at the signs and billboards etc
<Reedy> street lights, traffic lights
<Reedy> and im like "pfft, doom3 has way better lighting than
this shit"
#384101 [ + | - ] 195
<linnie> Whats wrong Duncie?
<duncan> not much
<duncan> im reading is all
<linnie> Oh!!!! okay leave you to it!
<duncan> lol
<duncan> "I'm living in a country i hate with people i dont
care about in a job im depressed about where the only thing
that gives me pleasure is practising giving death to others in
the most painful way possible"
<linnie> LMAO
<linnie> where is that from?
<linnie> I like that
<duncan> ...
<duncan> i just made that up
<duncan> its MY LIFE
#383342 [ + | - ] 1401
<GvL|OCNoy> hey guys, I'm making a hangman game, I need some
7-10 character words
<Boltskee> homosexual
<GvL|BBA> cockbite
<GvL|Ewout_vB> klootzak
<GvL|BBA> metrosexual
<GvL|OCNoy> Man, that was stupid to ask in IRC
<GvL|Ewout_vB> hemoglobin
<Boltskee> lollersexual
<GvL|Ewout_vB> pak5gene
<GvL|BBA> foreskin
<GvL|OCNoy> sigh
<GvL|BBA> rectum
#383093 [ + | - ] 472
<Sebastian> My computer is more than a little confused
<Sebastian> My DVD player thinks it's a zip drive . . .
#382658 [ + | - ] 1810
Eberlin: Nothing accelerates windows like a good ol' fashioned
9.8m/s^2
#381873 [ + | - ] 713
<Kane> I like to play poker with tarot cards...I get a full
house and four people die
#381649 [ + | - ] 705
N47H4N:I just made an awsome discovery!!!!!!! When you mix
Blue and Yellow you get a entirely new color! I will call it
Blellow!
#379015 [ + | - ] 220
SlythDra: Thou shalt not rewire the coffee maker to insult the
parentage of anyone who uses it.
#378883 [ + | - ] 1268
<Underscore> /part and /quit are sitting on a boat, they weigh
a total of 120kg, the moon is at waxing crescent and it is 12
degrees C outside. How much marzipan can a giraffe eat in 10
minutes?
#378393 [ + | - ] 961
<The_Slog> you know how a sink trap works?
<Einer> No.
<Einer> I'm a rocket scientist, not a plumber.
#378041 [ + | - ] -100
NARHDD:My dad once complimented a woman on having a "bun in
the oven".
NARHDD:It turned out she wasn't pregnant.
NARHDD:Whoops.
#378029 [ + | - ] 211
* Shadowe`shopping has joined #gamesurge
<Shadowe`shopping> listen
<Shadowe`shopping> word of advice
<Shadowe`shopping> NEVER use an electric razor to shave your
scrotum
<Shadowe`shopping> christ
<Br34ch> wtf?
<Br34ch> Why?
<Br34ch> Elaborate, please
<Shadowe`shopping> you have no idea how long it took me to get
the bleeding to stop
#377931 [ + | - ] 4978
Miyomei2: I had my portable CD player, and took it in the
bathroom with me while I went to pee.
Miyomei2: And the second I whipped my penis out, the theme
song to 'Rocky' started playing.
Miyomei2: I've never felt more manly than in that moment.
#377770 [ + | - ] 904
<PeterGriffin> He's always playing that awful FFXI game
<PeterGriffin> Maybe when Madden 05 is released and he'll play
something else I'll go over regularly again, but I can't see
myself hanging out if all I get to do is watch him kill crabs
<Jakeoff> do MMORPGS even qualify as games?
<PeterGriffin> No, they're more like a treadmills that makes
you fatter
#377745 [ + | - ] -158
<Moeancurly> i hate wireless internet
<Moeancurly> constant ping tim<eouts
Moeancurly> everytime i reach for my water i get disconnected
<BakerTime361> where'd Moeancurly go?
#377729 [ + | - ] 158
*** 10 points awarded to queen_daisy33. 'carb': (1+1+1+2)x2.
jesus_onacracker: haha
queen_daisy33: woo 10 points
queen_daisy33: take that atkins
#377606 [ + | - ] 1814
<Mild> a choose your own adventure hamlet would be nice too
<Mild> To be, turn to page 73.
#377554 [ + | - ] 594
<R3Co][L> i really need to reinstall PS
<R3Co][L> fuck knows where ive put my cd
* Ghozt is now known as fuck_knows
<fuck_knows> it's under the clothes on your floor.
#377551 [ + | - ] 705
<_tail> i stopped beleiving you a minute ago
<Idiot> i'm surprised you believed me at all
<_tail> you started tlaking a minute ago
#377380 [ + | - ] 368
<Timelord> I am heading down to Cingular to go punch a CSR in
the face.
<Timelord> Later all.
<Tuan> haha
<TacoWork> chip a tooth for me.
<mattsteg_> if you don't get your monthly quota of punches in,
they roll over to next month
#377280 [ + | - ] 385
<sheep--> you are in a race.. and you pass the person who is
running second, what position are you now?
<exe|> Well... that depends... if you're the right side or not
<FuIru> pass as in overtake, or fall behind?
<sheep--> overtake
<FuIru> then 2nd
<sheep--> heh.. my dad caught be off guard and i said first
<sheep--> he laughed in my face
<FuIru> heh
<exe|> haha
<sheep--> he also said 'what kind of a programmer are you?
hahaha'
<sheep--> :
<sheep--> i got pwned by my dad
#377215 [ + | - ] 366
* Uman sets mode: +vvv Mode6Nine ostrich Raptor|Sleep
* Quits: ostrich (Quit: )
<Uman> So that's how to get rid of ostrich...
<[dZ]Thane> ..
* Uman sets mode: +v [dZ]Thane
* Uman crosses his fingers
#376790 [ + | - ] 9769
Mike3285: wtf is a palindrome
MaroonSand: no its not dude
#376673 [ + | - ] 1199
<FLoYD>  CHILD: Dad, where did I come from?
<FLoYD>  DAD: Okay, we had to have this conversation some
day!.. Listen........
<FLoYD>  Dad and mom met in a chat room on the net. I set up a
meeting with
<FLoYD>  your mom and we landed in the bathroom at the Cyber
Cafi. Then,
<FLoYD>  mom did some downloads from dads memory stick and
when dad
<FLoYD>  was ready to upload, we discovered that there was no
firewall. Seeing
<FLoYD>  that it was a bit too late to cancel, I just carried
on doing the upload.
<FLoYD>  Nine months later, the virus appeared!.
<FLoYD>  CHILD: Huh?
#376558 [ + | - ] 310
<bean> i remember back when irc was different
<unseenn> it still is different
#376045 [ + | - ] 131
<[S]Supey|Llama> oogm! britney! toxic! my bro has the best
songs!!!!1oneoneone(x, where y=2, and x=y/2)
#375968 [ + | - ] 398
* fido2 ponders his next move
<@Doody> Queen to knight four?
#375581 [ + | - ] 1137
DaLady Firestorm: hm... nother random question: if you could
do one video game character, who would it be
DerBrystar522666: now that is a tough cookie
DaLady Firestorm: :-P
DerBrystar522666: First thought is Max Payne
DaLady Firestorm: lol
DerBrystar522666: second thought is Justin from Grandia. Or
maybe Roman from Armed and Dangerous
DerBrystar522666: another thought is the Master Chief
DaLady Firestorm: so, I ask which video game character you'd
have sex with, and all your choices are men... :-P
DerBrystar522666: oh... shit!
DerBrystar522666: I read that one completely wrong
#375340 [ + | - ] 2413
(mistersandman) aw pee
(mistersandman) they require you to register it on the
internet
(X_Stickman) well with your 100% perfectly legal copy i'm sure
you have no objections
(mistersandman) oh of course not i just.. dont have an
internet connection
#375296 [ + | - ] 36
<tomato> So Chris, you blew bubbles as a kid?
<Chris> yes tom i did
<tomato> Well Chris he just called, he's looking for you
#375287 [ + | - ] 1408
<devils_trombone> Hey wana hear a funny story?
<frogslegs> yep
<Crazed_Cousin_Dougal> does it involve clowns and ninjas?
<devils_trombone> no.
<devils_trombone> Last wknd, me and sum mates were down at the
pub, and we see this guy looking pretty pissed.
<devils_trombone> Anyway, we hadn't drunk much, so we decided
to be good people and drive this guy home.
<Crazed_Cousin_Dougal> was he a clown/ninja?
<devils_trombone> So we helped him up, and he fell over. Then
we tried dragging him out and he kept falling over.
<devils_trombone> So we drove him back to his place, and
knocked on the door, and this woman answers (presumably his
wife) and is all like: "Thanks boys, but where's his
wheelchair?"
#375285 [ + | - ] 1259
<Chee|s|e> I can't wait: soon, marijuana will be legal in
Canada :)
<Eddf> So you can have a pot garden in your back yard?
<Chee|s|e> No dude, so I can extend the one in the back to the
front.
#375255 [ + | - ] 214
<mCh> cd rootmy_head
<mCh> ls -l
<garg^work> bash: directory is empty
#375250 [ + | - ] 1235
<Breadfan>this morning my dad went to go to the bathroom, but
my little bro was already in there, my dad turns the knob but
its locked, and in his deepest UT voice my bro shouts "DENIED"
<Breadfan>My dad just walked away scratching his head
<Dreyer>ROFLMAO
#375231 [ + | - ] -1
<Chafey> Macgyver hates the french
<Chafey> He's all like "I'll build a submarine out of this
dried camel shit, damned french"
#375228 [ + | - ] 208
<Darric> Ok, so this guy's playing golf with a priest.
<Darric> And he's really bad, so every time after one bad putt
after another, he's like "FUCK I MISSED THE FUCKING HOLE"
<[PervertedMonk]> k
<[PervertedMonk]> ...
<Darric> Next hole... swing... putt... "FUCK I MISSED"
<Darric> And the priest becomes a little unnerved
<[PervertedMonk]> obviously
<Darric> So he says "You really shouldn't keep saying that, or
the Lord may well strike you down"
<Darric> Next hole: Swing... putt... "FUCK I MISSED!"
<Darric> And then there's a rumbling in the clouds, and a
lightning bolt strikes the priest dead
<Darric> And a voice overhead... "FUCK I MISSED"
#375215 [ + | - ] 1502
<<Excel>> Omg, I saw the funniest thing today.
<<Excel>> There was a chalk outline on the floor, like those
crime scenes where someone's been murdered.
<<Excel>> And in the middle of it, someone had written 'PWNED!
'
#375160 [ + | - ] 350
<Syko>Anyway, I'm gonna play some Simpsons :P
* Syko is now known as Syko-ShitnRun
<Syko-ShitnRun> oh shit
* Syko-ShitnRun is now known as Syko-HitnRun
#375158 [ + | - ] 360
cardrealmsk8: i made it to 2nd base today
Nck Tracy: nice.
Nck Tracy: I made it to third, but there was no one else with
me.
#375133 [ + | - ] 310
<Abracadav> thats a pretty ambiguous statement
<timmo> i wish someone would ban you.
* Abracadav was kicked by knucklz (ask and ye shall receive)
* knucklz sets mode: +b *!*alk3@*.tpgi.com.au
<timmo> hey look at that wishes do come true
<timmo> and you dont even need cancer to make it happen
#375110 [ + | - ] 915
<DAMNIT> My god I hate being new clerk at the pharmacy where I
work...
<DAMNIT> Today some 80 year old guy comes in with a giant
syringe, asking if we had it.
<DAMNIT> The guy handed me it, I took it in my hand, and I
looked in every part of the store possible cause I had no clue
in hell what it was.
<DAMNIT> So, I go in back and ask the owner if we have it or
can order it, still holding it in my hand.
<DAMNIT> The owner then bursts out laughing and point at me,
so I go "What's so funny? The guy just wants to order it?"
<DAMNIT> So the owner goes "That's a enema syringe. It's
probally been up his ass plenty of times by the color of it!"
<DAMNIT> I then procede to calmly walk back to the front, give
the guy his anal sucker back, and the owner then deals with
him about ordering it.
<DAMNIT> Meenwhile I put every soap we have on my hands and
rub like hell for 20 minutes till my skin is completely raw.
<DAMNIT> And I'm the laughing stock of the store now, and 2 of
my relatives work there, so soon my whole family will be
laughing at me......
#375071 [ + | - ] 3050
<cow_crap> ok I came to class early one day, considerably
early
<cow_crap> and there's a girl there that I'm quite taken aback
by
<cow_crap> and she said "wow, you came early" and I said,
without thinking, "that's what all the girls say"
<cow_crap> I am such a fucking idiot
<cow_crap> she laughed at me for like 15 mins
#375060 [ + | - ] 527
<Phreddy> I'm easily confused
<rens> that's a side effect of having a penis
#375058 [ + | - ] 457
WarpdArchn: lots of christians don't go to church
WarpdArchn: so they never have to meet the other people who
believe the same things they do
WarpdArchn: and therefore never have to lose faith in humanity
#375045 [ + | - ] 619
<Fuxm> You know what i wanna do?
<Fuxm> i wanna photoshop a picture of me to make it look like
im having gay sex with matt
<rX> WTF why??
<Fuxm> ...and then put it where i keep my weed so if my
parents ever find it they wont care about the weed.
<rX> LMAO
<rX> make two copies and put one in a rogers video case and
return it to the one he works at
#375031 [ + | - ] 458
<Zazu> omg
<Zazu> wc
<Zazu> that link you posted
<Zazu> eww
<WC`> yeah it's bad
<Zazu> why do you look at things like that? why not normal
stuff to jack off to, like shuri's links?
<WC`> because it's fun to 0wn you
<Zazu> but do you have ANY idea how hard it was to jerkoff to
that?
#375014 [ + | - ] 269
<XvoiD> We need more members for the forums. I've told all my
friends now tell all yours. Im sure they will love it here.
Come on and help out the forums.
<debian_> What if people start to advertise and the forums get
a flood of people like Ra... noobs.
<thomas> what if we became an elite group of forumers who took
over the world by sticking together in a pack of small
numbers, fighting the odds, and defeating cobra commander
whenever possible?
#374959 [ + | - ] 992
* grannyman jams a slight tune
<grannyman> just slightly
<grannyman> not quite full-on
<grannyman> just slighty sub-par
<grannyman> but not yet sub-woofer.
<grannyman> or sub-sonic
<grannyman> just kinda like sub-way
<grannyman> you know, like eat fresh all day
<grannyman> BUUU dubba Duuuu dubba Duuu dubba deeeee
<grannyman> SHIIIIIIIIIIINEEEE~~~~~~~~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<grannyman> dude, I wish i could emulate instruments through
IRC.
* grannyman was k-lined by Q (Jesus, I'm a bot, and I can't
even take this shit.)
#374953 [ + | - ] 433
Pikeman: I wonder if sex in heaven is considered necrophilia.
Pikeman: Or hell.
*** Jam (Jam@217.137.88.9) has joined #ev3
Pikeman: Jam, wanna test my theory?
Jam: sure
forge: Heh.
Jam: do i have to get naked?
forge: In a way...