Nero: You can put a cow in a dress but it's still a cow... Ish: I know we have a lot of cows in my school.
<@Scootz> i just realized i left 'erection after death' in my google search bar when i let my dad use the computer <@Scootz> and it's different now
<xtal> I am a trekker. I am a devout fan, but not enough to spend all my waking hours sewing costumes, assembling prop replicas, going to conventions, learning klingon, quibbling over the finer points of canon, and not having sex. <xtal> which is to say <xtal> while i'm not having sex anyway <xtal> it's not star trek's fault.
<+Darkfire> sup nigz <&Macko> Sup racial slur <&Macko> how the fornicate are you?
<king-vegetunks> im 13 now <king-vegetunks> im older <king-vegetunks> more machur
<@jackc> btw <@jackc> I had a VHDL nightmare last night <@jackc> I was dreaming about VHDL right <@jackc> and I moved a little and my stuffed alligator touched my elbow <@jackc> and I FREAKED and for some reason the dream was like VHDL MONSTER ATTACK <@jackc> and I sat up and was trying to figure out which parts were reality <@jackc> and all I could figure out were VHDL, elbow, alligator <@jackc> I was so confused <@jackc> that's what I get for reading VHDL textbooks in bed
<sandor> to a certain extent I prefer guys over girls. Guys rather punch you when you say something wrong, but with women you have to find out first what you did wrong, then apologise, then explain why you are a bastard, and then buy her a gift
<Lt_Tinkle> lolololololol <Lt_Tinkle> i have my mincraft log viewable as a webpage <Lt_Tinkle> and someone did html injection <Lt_Tinkle> by talking inside minecraft <Lt_Tinkle> and made it redirect to meatspin <Lt_Tinkle> when i find out who it was <Lt_Tinkle> i shall make them an op
<DragnFly> You know, what we need is a room of all american chatters. Since people are always quiet on IRC anyways, we can call it "American Idle" :p
<Magicka> wtf my carrier sucks my dick <Xerei> nice <Xerei> mine doesn't even touch me
<sparkhost> report <sparkhost> are you alive ? <roman> :) <sparkhost> it might be zombies as well <sparkhost> is 1+1 = 2 ? <roman> false <roman> 1+1 = 3 use condoms <sparkhost> personality hash accepted <sparkhost> welcome Roman :D
<BreakneckXan> My sister asked me where Nicaragua was <BreakneckXan> I said 'central america' <BreakneckXan> She said "Oh so it's like around Kansas somewhere?" <BreakneckXan> I see a brass pole and body glitter in her future...
<@JackD> ooh, a app store on its way for windows :) how nice <J700> it's called piratebay
< Spanky> google doesn't seem to understand my need for naked people to be inside my cake
<neeraj_rct> It sucks having to explain to your computer-illiterate friend why you just typed ``man unzip''.
Brendan: my logger isn't working :-/ Tim: permissions? Brendan: doh Brendan: yeah, 666 fixed that Tim: the devil, you say
<+ChubZee> i was watching telly this morning before i went to work <+ChubZee> and there was a discussion on about a charity that deals with teenage pregnancy <+ChubZee> which is a huge problem in the uk <+FCN|M0rlock> i can imagine <+ChubZee> and they're advocating anal sex as a form of contraception <+ChubZee> (which i'm all for) <+ChubZee> and their tag line is "one up the bum and you won't be a mum" <+ChubZee> i was almost dying laughing
Yarrow: Ok, this is weird. My sim brought a friend home from work. They turned out to be very compatible, and are now making out... Prince_Herb: What's weird about that? Yarrow: They're still wearing their work outfits and are llama mascots for the local sport team.
<Kattar> jesus christ my dish washer sounds like it's going to explode <Kattar> I have never heard a dish washer make sounds like this before <Arkantos> Better take her to a hospital
JerrysCatTom: whenever i get out of the shower i have a habit of writing... well... drawing things in the mirror for the next person to see.... dinosaurs, ghosts, monsters, you know the usual... but this time, i went to the bathroom, and my mom had just taken a shower... so i look at the fogged up window, and write "look down" with arrows pointing downwards. we have the curtins covering the lower half of the window, so after you pull them aside you see another ghost with sharp teeth saying, "BOO!!"... god my parents are gonna think i smoke pot... :/
<xved> I turned on some trance radio, and now I want to code <thomashc> I turned on Laura Pausini and now I want to fap! <Tekk_> I turned on glen beck <Tekk_> and now I want to die
<woodenleg> what should i get my gf for her birthday? <spherXz> your virginity <woodenleg> lol, something i haven't already given her? <spherXz> an orgasm <woodenleg> i'll ask someone else...
<Pongball> Religion is like a penis. <Pongball> It's fine to have one. <Pongball> It's fine to be proud of it. <Pongball> But please don't whip it out in public and start waving it around. <Pongball> And PLEASE don't try to shove it down children's throats.
<+Kilonum> DID I MENTION I WAS MOLESTED? I'M PRETTY SURE I DID, ONCE OR TWICE, BUT YOU DID NOT OFFER TO DISCUSS THE MATTER WITH ME. LET'S HAVE A NICE QUIET DINNER AND HAVE A FRANK DISCUSSION ABOUT MY MOTHER'S BOYFRIEND'S DONG AND HOW HE PUT IT IN MY MOUTH AND ASS NOW AND THEN. ANYWAY, I'M CLEARLY THE VICTIM HERE AND THAT'S WHY I DON'T SUCK DICK. HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND. <+Snickers> ... o.O <+Kilonum> woops <+Kilonum> wrong paste <+Wormdundee> when is that ever the right paste
<bahithnko> Girls are like Golf <Moogle> whats golf <bahithnko> Its a game where you gotta get your balls in a hole without hitting them much
Stranger: I'm Mary. What's your name? You: Eric. Stranger: So, Eric, where are you from? You: USA, you? Stranger: China You: Your name is Mary? That's not a Chinese name. Stranger: My Chinese name is Xiong Chaofeng. You: Alright, Mary it is...
<dipstick> I see uranus <DoubleDragonIII> they discovered a new planet, its so huge that earth seems as small as a golf ball <DoubleDragonIII> its called urmom
<Vigrel> Woah, if my shit was a nuke aimed at Hiroshima, Russia would get blown up <Kor1413> It was That big? <Vigrel> No, i missed.
<Pwnz0rz> What do you guys do after sex? <D3v1lm4n> i like to cuddle with her <Haxorz> i leave <Dragneel> i Bury her again
<Brianith> They're the same type of people that think because I know computers, that I'm a hacker. And because I'm a hacker, I can use a computer to tell their refrigerator to sprout legs, walk to me, and tell me their credit card numbers.
<axle345> I mean seriosuly guys holocaust jokes aren't funny <axle345> Anne Frankly, I won't stand for it.
<Kasran> did Jesus heal a bunch of people? Possibly <Kasran> also apparently he was sin-free <Kasran> but we don't hear much about his ciildhood <Kasran> it's just <Kasran> 1. Birth <Kasran> 2. ??? <Kasran> 3. Prophet!
<Cthon98> so I waited until my friend bought a box of timbits and got back in the car <Cthon98> (timbits being "donut holes" or whatever you yanks call them) <Cthon98> and just as he was about to bit into one, I say <Cthon98> "you ever notice how those look just like creamy shaved nuts?" <Cthon98> so I now have a free box of timbits.
<@whm> "A man was hospitalized with 6 plastic horses up his ass. The doctors described his condition as stable."
<mindbomb> anytime anyone refers to themselves as a 'foodie' I want to knock their fucking teeth out <mindbomb> oh you like to eat food that tastes good? congratufuckinglations <mindbomb> blog about it
<@bhaak> commit early, commit often <@bhaak> kids, that is only sound advice for programming, not for marriage! < kerio> there's no rollback in marriage, only blame
<MindSpark> So the officer stops me and asks for my license and registration <MindSpark> After handing them to him , he asks who the car belongs to <MindSpark> I tell him it's my wifes <MindSpark> He asks if I have an authorization, because you have to have some proof that you're allowed to ride a car that's not yours <MindSpark> I go "Sir, I ride the OWNER of this car personally with no authorization, do you really expect me to have an authorization to ride her car ?" <MindSpark> Officer hands me back the papers in silence and salutes me
<earth|drawing>: I've had sex on my period before xD <earth|drawing>: that guy didn't mind tho. <earth|drawing>: but he was a pig, so yeah. <FW>: You had period sex with a WHAT?! <earth|drawing>: okay, I'm NOT IMPLYING that I had sex with animals, RIGHT? D:
< Utopiah> did a native English speaker recommended you this nickname? < handjob> No. This is my mother's desktop. The nickname is taken from username.
R4V: I really want to learn some C++ R4V: but the problem is R4V: that there seems to be months of learning R4V: before you can do ANYTHING usefull. Shrum: it's kind of like a highschool girlfriend
TRex-o: I want to settle an argument. Am I an invasive species? sjackso: invasive species reproduce
Matoyak: We caught a catfish with some weird-ass face tentacles... Matoyak: That's the best way I can describe these things. Tru: lol Tru: I thought weird-ass face tentacles was a defining characteristic of catfish... Matoyak: It wasn't like whiskers...these things were half as long as the fish itself, and almost as thick. Matoyak: Heh, these were above and beyond the call of duty for catfish face tentacles. Matoyak: Weird-ass sunovabitch. Tru: hehehe Tru: mutant Matoyak: Yeah. It was big enough to keep, but we tossed it back cause we weren't going to eat something that looked that fucked up. Tru: if you eat a mutant catfish, perhaps you get mutant catfish superpowers... I wonder what those would be? Matoyak: ... Matoyak: The ability to become a bottom-sucking scum eater? Matoyak: Hrmmm Matoyak: So you become a politician.
<Xnoia> I chose to believe that argument drove him to drinking. <Xnoia> And I chose to claim that a victory. <@RWolf> And you chose to speak in past tense. <Xnoia> I do. <@RWolf> did. <Xnoia> Damn it!
<rdubyaj> dude this car I saw.... <rdubyaj> was really dusty <rdubyaj> and someone had written on it "I wish my wife was this dirty" <rdubyaj> and underneath that someone else had written "she is"
<GOD|away> Crackheads will rule this country! We will rise up! And teach you all that we are the superior race... <GOD|away> WHITE POWDER!
Aquillar> hey, you guys ever play kmem russian roulette? Agnostos> I don't believe I have. care to explain the details? Aquillar> dd if=/dev/urandom of=/dev/kmem bs=1 count=1 seek= $RANDOM Aquillar> keep executing until system crashes Aquillar> person that crashes system has to buy beer Agnostos> lol Agnostos> I wonder if I can sneak that into a server startup script here.
<Javelin> Oh. <Javelin> My. <Javelin> God. <Javelin> We have a unit here. It's about the size of a small speaker. <Javelin> In big letters across the front of it, it says "DATA DESTROYER." <Javelin> Some idiot comes into my office just now, and asks, "hey, what is this thing?" <Javelin> I say sarcastically, "it's a DVD polisher..." <Javelin> Next thing I hear: *GRIND GRIND GRIND* "WHAT THE FUCK?!?!" <Javelin> Now they're pissed at ME. <Javelin> Because THEY couldn't read. <Javelin> Besides, it's not like I gave them PERMISSION to use MY "DVD Polisher." <Javelin> I hate people.