<zere> i need to make 75 thousand dollars <videogameaholic> removing your head from your ass leaves quite a medical bill, doesn't it.
<irving> i do stuff like set up my garage door to open over the internet <MyPetGoat> having an internet-enabled garage door? what that fuck is that good for? <MyPetGoat> it's like you're the most pathetic Bond villain ever
<dodgo> what the fuck <dodgo> school students demonstrating against copyright infringement? <Count> mmm, it's like the poor demonstrating against food stamps and welfare
random girl: hey! me: ...hi? me: who is this? random girl: Jessica, I saw u on myspace random girl: ur hot me: thanks random girl: np me: this girl keeps bugging me, but I don't want to talk to her me: what should I do? random girl: make up sum excuse, like ur mom is kickin u off or sumthing me: oh alright me: I have to go me: my mom is kicking me off me: bye
<JadussD> all i can say is, the native americans could not have had better vengeance on americans than tobacco :| <JadussD> hundreds of thousands of dead each year <JadussD> "hey, we're going to enslave, decimate, relocate, and destroy your way of life." <JadussD> "oh, okay. here, smoke this"
<stargazr> yeah, the only reason i have a tv is cause i won it in a book reading contest
<DrSeuss> My dad was calling me gay and shit. <DrSeuss> He was like "Youre a stupid queer! You cant even get a girlfriend!" <DrSeuss> Thats when I said "Shut up dad, you dont know anything about my life!" <DrSeuss> ... <DrSeuss> So I grabbed my pom poms and left :(
<strangeintp> anyone know what version ships with latest free Mangina distro? <mpyne> bwahahaha <pahli_bar> lol <mpyne> s/Mangina/Mandriva/ maybe?
<rom> if i was ever playing hide and go seek I would want Anne Frank on my team.
mouAng: cuz im not perverted mouAng: hahas IllIllziroIllIll: say something perverted IllIllziroIllIll: at least once IllIllziroIllIll: like IllIllziroIllIll: boobies mouAng: ums okays mouAng: toe
Phil (Penfold): 600/month each for a house is a lot of money laurence: Uh, £400... Phil (Penfold): 400? laurence: 1200/3=400... Phil (Penfold): oh right * Phil (Penfold) had to use a calculator Phil (Penfold): but forgot it was in hex
<RustySpoon> Hahaha... I just came back from Phlanges girlfriend. <Phloam> Wtf were you doing there? ffs man have some respect <RustySpoon> Let\'s just say she was glad to see me * Phlange is now afk <RustySpoon> fuck when did he log on?
<lordpil> everyone freeze, this is an irc stickup. don't move or i'll DoS ya. gimme all the voice <ZorbaTHut> don't hurt me, don't hurt me! *** ZorbaTHut sets mode: +v lordpil * lordpil runs away with the voice *** Parts: lordpil <ZorbaTHut> damn! he took our voice <stevieo> ....
atomicmint2006: this whole project raped me in the butthole dahlia: that's no good. dahlia: butthole sex needes tenderness and lube. atomicmint2006: yeah, well this project atomicmint2006: used a sandpaper condom
(@elusive_brob) XargoL (@elusive_brob) I've got a hook-up-line for you (+XargoL) oh? (+XargoL) ;O (@elusive_brob) "wanna play network? you're switch and i'm cable?" (+XargoL) heh (+XargoL) remember firewall
<@David> All of these kernel panics make this computer more secure. <@David> The machine can't be hacked when it's down.
<Linforcer> heh, I just told m girfriend I like my women like I like I like my programming <MuStR> logical? <Linforcer> C++ <mkde> LOL <MuStR> rofl are you serious?
<DarkNeo> Did you hear about Ku Klux Knieval? <LongWongSilver> no <DarkNeo> He tried to jump 50 niggers with a steamroller.
<Knighted_> goddammit <Knighted_> why can't anything i think of turn out right? <Knighted_> listerine + foot odour smells worse than just feet, and now my shoes are technically flammable
<Drogo> Don't trust the xbox 360 * Brandalf85 goes forward in time and gets 5 Xbox 360s <Drogo> It's like those creatures in Chronicles of Riddick <Drogo> You turn it on and all of a sudden "Your soul is miiiine" <Drogo> You know what, next thing you know rob, the xbox makes you call your friend with a needle to your neck and you're like "Hey, Brandalf.. Would you like to come over and--- DONT COME BRANDALF! I mean. Brandalf, please come over and initiate in gameplay of the xbox 360" <Brandalf85> LOL <Rob> haha <Brandalf85> i probably dont live anywhere near Rob :) <Drogo> Then Brandalf comes over and he opens the door and it's like Dreamcatcher with the red except it's wires and blood and the door slams shut behind him and all of a sudden, a needle sticks into his neck <Drogo> xbox 360 needs no memory card or hard drive either <Drogo> you know why? <Drogo> It saves to your brain <Brandalf85> .... <Brandalf85> =0 <Rob> haha <Brandalf85> the horror <Drogo> You're like "Oh... hey... Happy childhood memories.. NO! DONT SAVE THERE!"
zippo4x4: ok then i just wasted 10 min Asbestos: yeah you did zippo4x4: i know im a dumbass Asbestos: it happens Asbestos: if jesus was real he'd love you
<KP> the admin just came over and asked me why my desktop looks like xp and what the hell i just did to his computer <KP> leet hax was not an acceptable answer
rhys_rhaven: I have pictures..thousands of them. but most are art...i got katies harddrive. rhys_rhaven: .... overlord_overkill2007: ah i se rhys_rhaven: i dont understand how she can walk into a church rhys_rhaven: tons, and tons, of slash rhys_rhaven: gay guys, gay guys fucking, gay porn stories, guys on guys, guys kissing. overlord_overkill2007: ewww rhys_rhaven: guys humping guys, female ass domination, guy slaves, butt sex, overlord_overkill2007: ewwwwwwww rhys_rhaven: oh it gets worse. she has no file structure!!!!! rhys_rhaven: what kind of sick woman doesnt organize her files?!!! Daniel: EWWWWWWWW
<MetalRox66> Could Jesus make a quote so funny that bash.org would not reject it?
<Nori123> You don't know jack shit <VioletSky> That's not true, I know him well <Nori123> Haha <VioletSky> I'm serious <VioletSky> Jack is the son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children <VioletSky> Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out. <VioletSky> However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name. <VioletSky> She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt. <VioletSky> Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony. <VioletSky> The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse. <VioletSky> Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt. <VioletSky> So there. <FiPo> LOL <Nori123> I have actually chortled coke through my nose
<tsunami> my mind is racing, just remember my old flatmate and the dreaded salad <tsunami> i was like: 'this salad you made tastes funny...' found out she used the cucumber the night before, washed it and placed it back in the crisper... i banned her from ever making food again <Sephiroth> hmmm...that's mildly erotic <Sephiroth> in a lo-cal sort of way
<Azemilcar> What do you Brits say when you stereotype American speech? <Starblaydia> anything lacking irony or sarcasm usually qualifies, Azemilcar <Gala|drunk> *nod* <Yamatto> or we just hoot like gibbons and invade sandy countries.
< fook_> we had radiation alert drills in my HS, those were my favorite < mofino> I thought you'd just enjoy it by now. < sili> fook_: how do you hide from radiation? lead suit? < mofino> fook, haha < tag_> I'm not in highschool < fook_> because its important to exit the school in an orderly fashion if the nuclea powerplant were to melt down < tag_> which was even better < tag_> fook_: Hahah < fook_> sili: yeah, theres no way. < fook_> our school was 15miles from the plant < mofino> "But teacher my skin is melting..." < mofino> "STAY IN LINE RICHARD!"
<Insomniak`> Stupid fucking Google <Insomniak`> "The" is a common word, and was not included in your search <Insomniak`> "Who" is a common word, and was not included in your search
<GooberMan> sony were handing out PS2 condoms <GooberMan> the cover design had condoms in the shapes of the buttons ie X, square, etc <darknation> awesome <darknation> I always wondered about those vibrating controllers. Now we know.
<RobbiePaul> i really wish the redneck neighbors that moved in next door would feed their children anti-freeze <Nichole> slip it into some popcicles and serve <RobbiePaul> "anti" freeze...
<Animenia> Oh shit almost forgot to tell you guys.... The funniest thing ever happened today... :) <Animenia> There\'s this dude living beneath my apartment and some other dude across the street <Animenia> and we talk from time to time so we decided to have a litte chat on my teamspeak server <Animenia> so after talking a while <Animenia> one of the guys said he had to leave for a while so the server got really quiet... <Ayanami9870> because they saw a webcam pic of his dildo? <Animenia> Though this guy didn\'t use push to talk so after like 10 minutes of inactivity on the server I started hear moanings and shit from my speakers <Animenia> and I was playing really loud music <Animenia> Then you hear his mom come in and he\'s like \"oh shit, it\'s not what it looks like\" and she goes of screaming \"YOU\'RE MASTURBATING?!?!\" and starts crying and shit and tells him to move out and stuff like that <Dazzio> holy fuck <Animenia> You should have seen the look on his face when I met him in the elevator later today.... He gave me the dirtiest look ever.... and said \"Did you really have to play so god damn loud music?? The whole block heard of my mom and that shit\"
<Theanine> Getting high also impairs judgment, which can lead to risky decision making on issues like sex, criminal activity, or riding with someone who is under the influence of drugs or alcohol. <Theanine> haha :D <Theanine> i get high all the time but im not getting laid...: ( <Theanine> this weed isnt working correctly
<PO_Dorn> Hey, those of you familiar with iPod's -- how do you put text files onto them? <Xearz|away> Magic marker?
<@SuzyQ> NOVACAINE FOR THE SOUL <&supreme> I LOVE POTATOES <@nf-Stealth> CARROTS ARE GOOD FOR EYESIGHT <&sinSR> ALWAYS WEAR PANTS <&supreme> DONT LET DR MARIO TOUCH YOU, HE IS NOT A REAL DOCTOR
Osmodius: you know what never made sense in star wars? Osmodius: R2-D2 Osmodius: I mean.. WTF is it alex: who knows lol Osmodius: it doesn't even do anything Osmodius: it just rolls around and makes weird noises Osmodius: and the light on it alternates between red and blue alex: i wonder how people understand what its saying Osmodius: maybe like pokemon Osmodius: people could understand what they said even though they could only say their name alex: they should equip r2d2 with a mini chain gun Lenny: yeah.. and it should double as a frappucino machine Osmodius: :\
<pathogen> in maths today we found out that 1+3+3+7 = 14 <pathogen> so therefore 1337 = 14 <pathogen> so anyone who speeks 1337 is 14
Ford_Prefect: I\'m at 2.0 MBPS!! Navi00: Psh Navi00: What kinda connection?\\ JK-63: With your cantenna. Ford_Prefect: DSL Ford_Prefect: no, I am using my standard antenna Navi00: wtf is a cantenna?! Ford_Prefect: because I need the connector for my cantenna JK-63: It\'s a little antenna that can. Ford_Prefect: works better JK-63: You know the story, right? JK-63: The little antenna that pushed the signal through the wall? * Zortexia sits down for the story Ford_Prefect: HE was having trouble carrying data fast enough JK-63: And then, a strange packet came along. JK-63: And encouraged him, because the packet was from A STRANGE ROUTER! *gasp* * Zortexia gasps! Ford_Prefect: I think I can Ford_Prefect: I think I ca Ford_Prefect: *n Ford_Prefect: I think I can Zortexia: LMAO! JK-63: The cantenna pushed and pushed as hard as he could, and got a signal through to the strange router! Zortexia: yay for cantenna! Ford_Prefect: and downloaded an entire copy Ford_Prefect: of microsoft XP Ford_Prefect: in one hour * Zortexia eyes get big Navi00: That is the most adorable thing I\'ve ever heard Navi00: loll Ford_Prefect: *pirated I might add Navi00: XD Ford_Prefect: :0 Zortexia: :O Zortexia: then what happened Ford_Prefect: he lived happily ever after leaching off of other people\'s wireless connectiong Navi00: heh heh heh heh JK-63: And the hacker driving the cantenna was very happy with his new copy of Windows XP. Ford_Prefect: the end
omgsean123: so anyway, heisenberg is speeding down the street and he gets pulled over by a cop omgsean123: and the cop is like "do you know how fast you were going?" omgsean123: and he says "no, but i know exactly where i am!"
<AnViL> gah... i still can't find a prom date... <AnViL> then again, it might help if i actually talked to the women <AnViL> instead of drooling and staring at them from afar
<joshkr> Who is this General Error, and why's he scanning my hard drive? <de0n> He's the boss of Major Malfunction <bismuth> Looking for Private Pictures
darshanji143: hey wanna chat sex? flyinghermione: my mommy says I can't have cybersex with strangers
<HC-Marine> yeah one time this windows & doors company called <HC-Marine> and my dad answered it <HC-Marine> they asked if he wanted to have his windows and doors replaced <HC-Marine> he responded with "I don't have any" <HC-Marine> they were so confused
<Dejos> I was killed by a rabit in D&D once <Wiser> lol <Dejos> stupid DM <recursive> did it have big sharp pointy teeth? <recursive> \/\/\/\/\/ <Dejos> no! it didnt have squat.. I tripped over it and fell off a cliff
Gangster Style*** says: np np what are friends for §teve says: casual sex and borrowing money?
<Unspawny> The ultimate game would be a game sorta like The Sims. <Unspawny> Except it would be called 'Angst'. <Unspawny> And you would see how many angsty people you can befriend, screw over, and then befriend again. <frog> you just described Livejournal: The Game
Shosh912: when tthy say you can miss 6 classes Shosh912: does that mean you can miss 6 classes Shosh912: or 5 Qtip: 6 Shosh912: oh
Tamer Brad: i got this cross necklace today NoVwith a Bullet: ha ha ha, everyone's gonna think you just love jesus Tamer Brad: no, i hate him Tamer Brad: that's why I carry it with me Tamer Brad: so if I ever see him, I can nail him to it