hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21103 Approved Quotes | 0 in Moderation Queue
#529651 [ + | - ] 1024
benjiwenji07: this one time i saw a 40 foot tall wrench
benjiwenji07: and that was the biggest tool id ever seen until
i met john genz
blahdy78: thats weird because this one time i saw this 40 foot
tall wench
blahdy78: and that was the biggest whore i ever saw till i met
your mom
#529570 [ + | - ] 396
<LUEshi> What's the default font of the GameFAQs forums?
<Sexy_Truck> Braille.
<LUEshi> ...
#529537 [ + | - ] 3479
<mattb> funeral was for my uncle
<[OmegentooX]> Did he die?
<mattb> that seems to be the popular opinion
#528007 [ + | - ] 1531
<@Aprentice> girls who fuck animals should be put in a mental
institute
<Rjx> or on TV
#527688 [ + | - ] 999
<Beaph> Whatcha gonna make?
<Alacard2k> Spaghetti, beef stroganoff, or tacos. I don\'t
feel like the chicken tonight.
<Beaph> Mmm... Beef Strokin\' off.
<Alacard2k> well it\'s down to two now
#527125 [ + | - ] 2210
onslaught86: Your spelling's so bad your blood must be type-o.
#527101 [ + | - ] 2383
<remial> gah...
<remial> I was visiting my college roommate earlier today...
<remial> his ex-GF and his daughter were there...
<remial> they were in the other room watching cartoons or
something...
<remial> and my friend asked me how my life was going, and I
told him that things wre OK but it felt like there was some
sort of consperacy to keep me from getting laid...
<remial> his ex GF immediatly calls someone on her Cel phone
and says "He knows"
#527027 [ + | - ] 360
hbkshowstopper75: For only 15 grand, we could have our own
music veriety show. it could be revolutionary televison even
it its on at 2am
hbkshowstopper75: i was just pondering the idea today
ianepson: need 15k first
ianepson: and if we saved that much up i can think of much
better uses
hbkshowstopper75: it\'s only one thousand 500 dollars
ianepson: uh
ianepson: yea u could buy urself a calculator with whats left
over
#526984 [ + | - ] 1023
Cooler1011: can you explain to me why i need to format and/or
partition this disc?
Cooler1011: It does not make sense to me.
mrrc00: imagine a giant room
mrrc00: now, throw millions upon millions of identical things
into the room
mrrc00: now these things can be used to make larger things,
but only if they have some order to them
mrrc00: a filesystem, which you create by formatting, orders
those bits
Cooler1011: yo, get a job
Cooler1011: you're qualified
Cooler1011: that really sounds like it came right out of PC
Magazine
mrrc00: oh, I'm not surprised
mrrc00: I was pulling it out my ass, after all
#526916 [ + | - ] 1867
<mooman> so i saw this number plate on some ricer car today...
YAG-108
<mooman> except i saw it in my rear view mirror, so it looked
like BOI-GAY
<mooman> i nearly hit the car in front from laughing so hard :
/
#526775 [ + | - ] 1065
<Divarin> that's the thing about binary humor
<Divarin> it either IS funny, or it's NOT
#526546 [ + | - ] -540
[dark-force] how long is a second?
[[RAA]Ajarn] rofl
[dark-force] ?
[[RAA]Ajarn] that's priceless
#526398 [ + | - ] 1895
<@PaulGonegooley> I just opened the box for my new harddrive
<@PaulGonegooley> it smells like victory
<malicious> the fuck it does
<malicious> opening a new pack of MTG cards.
<malicious> that smells like victory.
<@PaulGonegooley> that smells like never getting laid, ever
<@PaulGonegooley> that's what that smells like
<malicious> fuck you :(
#526250 [ + | - ] 201
Roi: That's all you have to say? Some Dutch minor is hitting
on me and you say "see you tomorrow"? Man, don't ever work for
the suicide prevention hotline.
#526144 [ + | - ] 1462
<Adjaro> i hate the internet
<Adjaro> i have spent 15 minutes looking for george bush with
a lightsaber
<Adjaro> and have found NOTHING
#526124 [ + | - ] 921
< teferi> I lost the office pool
< teferi> damn
<+res0> aww, no more swimming at work
#526017 [ + | - ] -423
<KOMPRESSOR> guess what i got
<KOMPRESSOR> i got a 100 dollar cigar
<Lurch> wow, don\'t spend it all in one place
#525930 [ + | - ] 30
<Ali_mastah> so our exam finishes and i go to hand my paper in
about 2 mins late, and the tite-arsed teacher says "sorry no
more exams to be handed in it's too late you get zero" so i go
"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM!" and she goes all cocky and says "no, i
do not" so i go "good" i pick up the papers and slid my exam
in somewhere in the middle of them all.
#525567 [ + | - ] 1137
a_spank_horses: Bro
i_spank_horses: I was driving in a passenger seat of my
friends car
i_spank_horses: piss wasted
i_spank_horses: He was driving like 45 mph
i_spank_horses: And there was a mexican guy getting in a truck
i_spank_horses: Close to my side
i_spank_horses: I stuck my hand out the window and smacked his
ass
i_spank_horses: and he screamed so loud
i_spank_horses: he thought he got shot
i_spank_horses: I hurt my elbow
i_spank_horses: It was so sick
muzzleflashed: AHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
i_spank_horses: I couldn't breahte for 2 days
i_spank_horses: funniest thing ive ever done
#525446 [ + | - ] -471
<G-nius> Yeah, but smoking is for girls who don't get sex o.o
#525444 [ + | - ] -76
<d0ppy> I just had an idea
<d0ppy> If I spray cheese into a condom....
<cdkj>  :/
<d0ppy> I can actually have sex with easy cheese
<cdkj>  get a girlfriend please
#525439 [ + | - ] 885
<Darth_Blade> Wow.
<Darth_Blade> Word crashes whenever I try to quote the
constitution article about human rights. Conspiracy theories
anyone? %)
<aetherspoon> heh
<Darth_Blade> But it's really really weird.
<aetherspoon> try openoffice.  It only crashes when you quote
Microsoft License Agreements.  :P
#525436 [ + | - ] -177
* Quits: Indonesia (Ezcess Flood)
#525435 [ + | - ] -99
<ChunkyQ> The man's a whore. His balls have seen more chins
than a Chinese FedEx employee.
#525433 [ + | - ] 425
<Breserk> I love your humour :D
<ErectuZ> I love your balls
<Breserk> :/
<ErectuZ> you seen Team America?
<Breserk> Physically?
<Breserk> Nope.
<ErectuZ> oh
<ErectuZ> then that miht have sounded a bit perverted
<Breserk> Yes.
#525429 [ + | - ] 150
<PinkLady> Seen pussygirl pop in and out, but never speak.
<PinkLady> Man, that didn't sound right at all.
<Shiffer-Brains> I think you had her confused with dickman
#525428 [ + | - ] 505
[phuong]: zim: smoking harms ur baby
[somdomy]: how does smoking hurt your laptop?
#525423 [ + | - ] 1364
<uZi`> i got a photographic memory
<uZi`> :/
<Grimmeehh> cool
<Grimmeehh> porn on demand
<uZi`> mainly for numbers tho
<Grimmeehh> o
<uZi`> only ascii porn
<uZi`> :(
#525158 [ + | - ] 1552
(XisXisXis): I wanna find an old Star Wars pinball machine
(XisXisXis): just so I can hear Yoda say, "Extra Ball, you
have"
#525122 [ + | - ] 1760
<monarch> the other day i skipped church and went to get
something to eat at 7-11
<monarch> i paid with a 10 and recieved $6.66 in change.
<monarch> am i going to hell?
<qbert> almost certainly
<monarch> fuck
#525085 [ + | - ] 1942
DBO: the guy in the middle lane is blasting his music full
blast
DBO: so loud I cant hear my own music with the windows up
DBO: I mean really FREAKING loud
DBO: I look over at him and give him a nasty look
DBO: and then I see something on the car on the other side of
him
DBO: its a note
DBO: written on cardboard
DBO: help up against the window
Muz: Yes...and?
DBO: "You music sucks, your stereo is too damn loud, and I'm
sorry you have a tiny penis"
DBO: he turned it down after that
#525051 [ + | - ] 1168
<Admiral_Payne> One day she was typing and turned to a
secretary and said she was almost out of typing paper, and
asked she should do
<Admiral_Payne> "just use copier machine paper," the secretary
told her
<Admiral_Payne> You know what she did?
<Admiral_Payne> she took her last remaining blank piece of
typing paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make
five copies
#524806 [ + | - ] -433
<helgrl> What c:\DARTHVADER said to c:\DARTHVADER\
LUKESKYWALKER ?
<helgrl> "I´m your folder"
#524693 [ + | - ] 1416
<mikael> people should get beat up, for stating their beliefs
<penisbird> is that your belief?
#524669 [ + | - ] 311
<Boo|Marking> Can you think of any reason why IE, on my dad's
laptop, won't display animated .gifs ?
<Mirabilis> Because they're disabled in the IE options
<Mirabilis> Other than that, security settings
<Boo|Marking> Hm. I looked for it.
<Boo|Marking> I'll have another lookie-see.
<Donovan> I dunno, Boo|Marking, I have a feeling it may have
to do with "Microsoft KB #2383892: Internet Explorer is a
Steaming Pile of Shit"
#524500 [ + | - ] -224
TheOrigionalFuzz: this one guy was yelling at me in spanish
the other day, so I said "speak a real language or go to hell"
and he kept yelling at me, and it was pissing me off, so I
flipped him off, so he started chasing me, so I started
running, and that's about it
TheOrigionalFuzz: turns out I was on his property
TheOrigionalFuzz: or something
#524110 [ + | - ] 1800
<RandalCalrissian> Who wrote an essay entitled 'Advice to a
Young Man on choosing a Mistress'?
<Jeegoo> Cassanova
<RandalCalrissian> Here's your 1st hint, B___am__ ____k___
<Jeegoo> no idea
<Randal> dr seus
<Jeegoo> hee
<Zwuh> Al Gore
<RandalCalrissian> Here's your 2nd hint, _en_a_in _r_n__i_
<RandalCalrissian> Here's your 3rd hint, B_njami_ Fra__lin
<Zwuh> Benjamin Frankin
<Jeegoo> Benjamn franklin
<Randal> benjamin frankls
<Randal> oop
<Randal> s
<Zwuh> haha
<RandalCalrissian> Time's up! The answer was: Benjamin
Franklin
<Zwuh> way to spell, team!
#524062 [ + | - ] 2645
3:pixelsoft> GHB? Don't you go to school?
3:GHB> Today is Saturday
3:pixelsoft> It's Friday
GHB left arena
#524037 [ + | - ] 3423
steve: whats your opinion on censorship
insomniacdude007: **** censorship
#523701 [ + | - ] 203
<flamebird> using trillian because \"it works with MSN too\"
is the same as saying \"well im not going to a strip club
tonight, ill just get my mother to give me a lap dance.. shes
a woman\" - its true.. but.. NO
#523604 [ + | - ] 552
<Nirtose> heres some geek for you... You make me hotter than a
overclocked, volt-modded Prescott chip with stock heatsink and
fan
<@Beaver> omg dude
<Nirtose> thats right
* Beaver has kicked Nirtose Reason(I told you once that im
married)
* Nirtose has joined #beaver
<Nirtose> :(
* Beaver has kicked Nirtose Reason(And not gay)
#523347 [ + | - ] 1052
<Terror> So, on one of the last days of school we had an
assembly in memorial of some guy that graduated from my school
that was a gunner on a Humvee and was killed by shrapnel from
a roadside bomb in Iraq
<Terror> And when we go back to class, the teacher was asking
us what we got out of the service
<Terror> and one kid said "I learned not be the the gunner on
a Humvee"
#523092 [ + | - ] -293
Infinitism: saying you've had the best sex without orgasm is
like saying you've just cleaned a toilet with the neatest
arrangement of shit all over it.
#522882 [ + | - ] -101
<Kitoshi> XD at the end of Ep 3, when they\'re showing Padme\
's funeral
<Kitoshi> my friend Hampton said \"Look! Her stomach\'s big
again! They must\'ve stuffed something back in there after the
births!\"
<Heath> xD
<Kitoshi> and without a second thought, I respond \"Where do
you think Yoda went into hiding?\"
#522860 [ + | - ] 304
<prepared>Theorem: All numbers are equal.
<prepared>Proof: Choose arbitrary a and b, and let t = a + b.
Then
<prepared>a + b = t
<prepared>(a + b)(a - b) = t(a - b)
<prepared>a^2 - b^2 = ta - tb
<prepared>a^2 - ta = b^2 - tb
<prepared>a^2 - ta + (t^2)/4 = b^2 - tb + (t^2)/4
<prepared>(a - t/2)^2 = (b - t/2)^2
<prepared>a - t/2 = b - t/2
<prepared>a = b
<prepared>So all numbers are the same, and math is pointless.
#522754 [ + | - ] 1765
<Trin[awah]> I was dyeing easter eggs, and I said, "my eggs
came out all ugly!"
<Trin[awah]> and my brother said to me, "well, now you know
how your mother feels."
#522538 [ + | - ] 1383
<minion> what should i get for lunch
<minion> i have $4
<keef> 8 packs of ramen and a 3 dollar hooker
#521743 [ + | - ] 1091
<megamobike> my mom taught me a very important lesson today
<ccrookedrrain> no means no?
<megamobike> gross
#521511 [ + | - ] 1410
<notalive> have you heard those jokes they dont tell gay
people
<notalive> ?
<kebaan> i dont think so?
<kebaan> tell me one then i can tell you if i have
<notalive> i dont know any
#521316 [ + | - ] 2736
<deloused> haha i love when people start telling you stuff
like you care when you actually don't and you don't pay
attention, and then when they finish they ask for your opinion
/advice and you just say "oh yea i totally agree"
<XA> oh yeah, i totally agree