hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21102 Approved Quotes | 0 in Moderation Queue
#657940 [ + | - ] 450
<@Kaczynski> I say reinstate the death penalty
<@Kaczynski> and execute corrupt politicians
<@Kaczynski> how are they acting differently from organized
criminals?
<@andro> they're getting caught
#657925 [ + | - ] -11
<killsdow> do harddrives like...
<killsdow> lose speed if u rewrite on them too much?
#657269 [ + | - ] 390
<okin^2> hi
<okin^2> how can I retrieve my password?
<@shasta> refresh your memory
<@shasta> :)
#657206 [ + | - ] 1528
<Gayo> I miss being able to type.
<Gayo> It was nice.
<Amy> ...
<Amy> What are you doing now then, using telepathy?
<Gayo> I'm dictating to my secretary
<Gayo> semicolon close parantheses
#657186 [ + | - ] 861
<iFx|shade> this guy aidan was aruging with this chick emma at
tea
<iFx|shade> and shes like saying it wouldnt hurt that much
getting kicked in the balls
<iFx|shade> and he goes spread your legs then and ill kick you
in the balls
<iFx|shade> and shes like i dont have balls
<iFx|shade> and he goes who are you trying to kid with a
mostache like that
<iFx|shade> and she got up and left
#657165 [ + | - ] 550
<Eric> I feel bad when handshaking with PuTTY. It supports so
many features. "I can tell you what sort of client I am, would
you like to know?" "Nope." "Well, in that case, let me just
tell you my screen dimensions." "No thanks." "Do you... uh...
want to support environment variables? I got some variables."
"... no." "Well, I guess it's echo off and raw mode, then."
#656898 [ + | - ] 987
<Mikey> So theres this chick at work thats pretty cute
<Mikey> And she saw me outside having a smoke one time on a
break
<Mikey> And she goes "You should give that up"
<Mikey> That means she cares about my wellbeing and would
possibly sleep with me right?
<stevenst> No, it just means she's an opinionated bitch
<Mikey> :(
#656856 [ + | - ] 802
eI pianisto: So..
eI pianisto: I called to complain about the slow DSL speeds.
eI pianisto: and they told me
eI pianisto: that it was because all the kids are out of
school and "in their stupid chat rooms"
#656771 [ + | - ] 807
<S_Sprite> oh god
<S_Sprite> all I can hear
<S_Sprite> right now
<S_Sprite> is the squeeking of my housemates mattress
<S_Sprite> I'M TRANSLATING ANCIENT GREEK YOU INSENSITIVE FUCKS
<S_Sprite> well they'll be sorry when my hard studying has got
me a PhD in classical studies and all they'll have is MDs from
some top-rated med school
<S_Sprite> fuck
#656603 [ + | - ] 339
<Nick> how come everytime I see the phrase "Future-Proof" I
read it as "yesterday's obsolescent"
<Lanei> because you posess sufficient quantities of the
cynicism necessary for survival
<Force10> Man, if cynicism is all you need to survive, I'm
gonna live to be 150.
#656592 [ + | - ] 471
MightyMooquack> Huh. This is something I've not seen in C code
before...
Iconoplast> comments?
Iconoplast> HA HA HA BURN
#656576 [ + | - ] 338
<HardlyJW> anyone know how to change an ip?
<lysip> yes
<lysip> clone your mac
<HardlyJW> ?
<HardlyJW> i have windows...
#656481 [ + | - ] 2300
Hekili_Manu: Ok. So I called my bank's fraud dept about that
hotels.com letter I got since I apparently used them twice
with two different cards. I forgot completely that when I
signed up you can assign your own security question online.
Hekili_Manu: So when I called and spoke to the guy they use
the same security question and he asked me "Ok, I just need to
verify one thing. How big is your c**k?"
#656458 [ + | - ] 902
<ido> anywho, i'll go write my own
<ido> it should only take a few hundred lines of coke
<ido> i mean code...
#656426 [ + | - ] 310
(+Cafe`) I am into AZN GANGSTAS
(tehjeebus|x) gangstas that can do math... that means they're
the worst people to buy crack from
#656346 [ + | - ] 235
nocashvaluedrumz: they need to reinvent the internet
nocashvaluedrumz: so i can enjoy it with both hands
#656312 [ + | - ] 1703
<Razhal> The internet is a beautiful place....
<Razhal> Because no matter what kind of twisted freak you are,
you've got a friend out there :D
<Razhal> You could ask the internet "Find people who have sex
with goats on fire."
<Razhal> And internet will ask you, "What kind of goats?"
#656271 [ + | - ] 624
<Rathen> Ha, this torrent of United93 is 747mb big. Beautiful.
#656065 [ + | - ] 294
ClonaZjeveni5: It isn't a biased opinion
ClonaZjeveni5: its true
xenotwuz: I'm thinking your opinion on biased opinions is
biased.
#655875 [ + | - ] 721
<HarbPBN> I got home at like 4am.
<TruckPBN> Get layed?
<ebolaaaa> Isn't it "laid"?
<TruckPBN> ebolaaaa: I'm married... I dont remember.
#655859 [ + | - ] 733
<@pinata> i am going to be patenting my new method of internet
access.
<@pinata> it will be 6 times as fast...
<@pinata> but drop 90% of all of your connections.
<@pinata> i will call it ADHDSL
#655775 [ + | - ] 455
<codyryan> because men, have problem controlling their
testosterone
<Skiz> not me I'm a pretty good shot.
#655706 [ + | - ] 1133
<AwwJeah> I want to fill a super soaker with cheap vodka and
spray down other drivers.
<AwwJeah> Then call the police and tell them I think they're
driving drunk.
<AwwJeah> Because, seriously, who would believe that story?
#655659 [ + | - ] 213
<Shadow> A super computer running on Windows XP? Thats like a
tight rope walker walking on barbed wire...
#655652 [ + | - ] 843
Sleepaholic88: >>>
Sleepaholic88: Err. I tried to capitalize a period so it would
be bigger.
#655627 [ + | - ] 468
<Nacho> So, you have several types of tourist: You have the
"I'm on vacation, so I'm just gonna relax" types, that just
wear comfy clothes.
<Nacho> You then have the "I'm in some place special, so I'm
going to dress nice" types.
<Nacho> And then you have the "What happens in $location stays
in $location, so I'm going to dress like an exhibitionist
slut" types.  I like those... ;-)
#655518 [ + | - ] 305
<Rolan> I think black people on TV is illegal in Texas
<CatSkills> and it will remain so until they televise
executions
#655324 [ + | - ] 743
<kosh> we have a bug that occurs on the 31st of a month
<kosh> so once a month we get a bug report
<kosh> it gets assigned to a developer within 24 hours
<kosh> who then fiddles for a bit before marking it "unable to
reproduce"
#655302 [ + | - ] 1282
<Orphic> you any good at physics?
<meowcow> when i run into a wall i usually stop
#655201 [ + | - ] 568
<Beowulf> ever since I switched to wireless I get disconnected
whenever I get a phone call
<Beowulf> :(
<squirrel_remote> What's your phone number?
<Beowulf> fuck you
#655157 [ + | - ] 440
<Eddo36> sometimes I feel like shit, you know, what sick shit
I get off to. but I can't change
<Littlelisa> You know eddo, if you never said anything, people
may like you
<Eddo36> if i never said anything, who would know me?
<Littlelisa> thats the point
#655064 [ + | - ] 1023
sw0813: you know, the movie ray really was inspiring
sw0813: he was blind, and yet still managed to hit his wife
sw0813: that means either of two things:
sw0813: 1. his wife was stupid or
sw0813: 2. he wasnt really blind
sw0813: i mean seriously, was it like "marco," "polo" WHAM!
#655055 [ + | - ] 993
<Heiler> I feel stupid asking this, but how many pints are in
a cup?
<Swinky> it depends on how big the cup is
<Heiler> Thanks, suddenly I don't feel so stupid.
#654840 [ + | - ] 361
<Kero> I'm so emo i wear square contacts.
#654797 [ + | - ] 551
<Greenbox> the place i ordered chicken parmesan from forgot
the chicken
<Greenbox> so instead of calling and complaining, like a
normal person would
<Greenbox> I used asterisk and called them from the number of
the department of health
<Greenbox> and told them a random screening of their food had
just been conducted, and they failed miserably
<Greenbox> so they were ordered not to serve food until an
inspection later today
#654788 [ + | - ] 287
<Sid> I'm running a joke so far into the ground it'll become
the next major oil supply.
#654677 [ + | - ] 126
Begging to Limp: heh
Begging to Limp: so, apparently al gore's last speech on
global warming flopped badly
Begging to Limp: he gave a speech last winter in new york city
on global warming
Begging to Limp: the result? -1 degree fahrenheit average
temperature for the day, the coldest day in new york's history
Begging to Limp: when mother nature disagrees, she proves it
#654674 [ + | - ] 1136
<sh4ve> hehe, i wrote a assembly proggy to convert normal
numbers to roman ^^
<GodOfGoats> You are so MCCCXXXVII
#654608 [ + | - ] 757
Charmaine----: I'm a 26 year old single mom ;-)
Kolobos Psychi: Holy crap! a black women IMed me! @_@
Charmaine----: How did you know I was black?
#654603 [ + | - ] 1003
<blazemore> my brother is in a quake3 clan
<blazemore> and he had a ctf game tonight
<blazemore> we were walking out of tilt
<blazemore> his friend goes "dude hurry up, you're gonna be
late for you clan meeting"
<blazemore> and these black guys were walking by
<blazemore> and looked like they were about to kick our asses
#654551 [ + | - ] 50
<Seraph> wow, on gamefaqs, they have this "top 10 games that
work on mac"
<Seraph> I didn't even know there were games that would run on
macs
<Zack> Well now that macs can boot windows they're not quite
as useless
<Seraph> true, but it's just creepy, like a polo player going
to nascar
#654194 [ + | - ] 433
<Mr_Owen> I really think I should have been born Asian. Being
white sucks, anyway, and I don t like country music or
tailgating or alcohol or owning engineless trucks or never
mowing my lawn or not wearing a shirt or screwing fat chicks
at all. So I ve been trying to come up with a word for someone
who s white on the outside, but yellow in the inside.
<mirasaki> Like the opposite of Twinkie?
<Mr_Owen> Yeah. Exactly.
<mirasaki> Well, what d you come up with?
<Mr_Owen> I don t know. The only thing I could think of was a
toilet  And once I thought about that, damned if I could get
it out of my head.
<mirasaki> You re storing information endlessly! You really
are Asian!
#654170 [ + | - ] 2085
D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: i got owned by my bio TA earlier in the year
D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: she was like "So, what are some possible
effects from mutated genes?"
D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: i said "Well, it could cause different coding
of proteins, or it could cause you to develop special powers,
like retractable claws from your hands"
D1v1d3 8y Z3r0: the TA was like, "Wrong.  Those claws are
government implants.  Wolverine's mutant power is his healing
ability."
#654091 [ + | - ] 373
<Zahava> <3<3happy valentines everybody!!<3<3
<@Silva> Roses are Red
<@Silva> Violets are Blue
<@Silva> i could never love you
<@Silva> because you're 1/16 jew
* Zahava has quit IRC (quit: )
#654066 [ + | - ] 302
<Dann> this is so sad...
<Dann> i want to find the "super mario bros movie" on
limewire, just for old times' sake... but guess what my first
search result is?
<Dann> the 40 year old virgin
#653976 [ + | - ] 1373
<Leonn> Apparently the military has been experimenting with
lasers that are supposed to fire at the speed of light.
<Glaive> No shit.
#653828 [ + | - ] 2018
<reva> so I was babysitting my cousin's kid the other day.
who's like, 15 months old.
<reva> he was trying to get up on the computer chair, so i put
him up there.
<reva> he just starts randomly banging on the keyboard
randomly
<reva> and the first thing that pops up says "Are you sure you
want to delete Internet Explorer?"
<reva> I hit "no" (because it's my parents computer).
<reva> so he starts hitting more keys...
<reva> the next thing that comes up: "Are you sure you want to
delete Outlook Express?"
<reva> ...I've never had more hope for humanity than that
moment.
#653759 [ + | - ] 635
<Ian-W> lesbian porn
<Ian-W> actually lesbian/gay porn
<Ian-W> because its like two girls that are guys
<CK-[away]> what would you call 2 hermaphrodites
<Ian-W> tetris
#653631 [ + | - ] 545
<vintendo> yesterday we had to pull the plug on my grandma, i
needed the outlet for my laptop.
#653295 [ + | - ] 810
<lostmx89> ok i like this torrent thing but when you turn off
your computer how do you make sure it is still downlowding