hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21103 Approved Quotes | 2 in Moderation Queue
#13414 [ + | - ] 232
<CheesyPoofs> cheese is good
<CheesyPoofs> I mean "cheese is gouda"
<CheesyPoofs> actually that's not quite true - gouda is cheese
<CheesyPoofs> money is good
<CheesyPoofs> therefore, money is cheese
<CheesyPoofs> which is why it's so good
<sabia> okay whatever you say
<CheesyPoofs> I'm leaving out the technical details
#13413 [ + | - ] 39
<splorpo> chickens are bits of chickens put together
<splorpo> into a clump
<splorpo> like a shrub
#13412 [ + | - ] 39
<renster> you
<renster> YOU
<renster> i blame YOU
* Kosh` blames him too
<Lenin> I blame your mother
<renster> i embalm my mother
<renster> and keep her in a barrel
<renster> like pickled fish
#13409 [ + | - ] 396
<Chow-BBL> fuck, i just realized how much i dislike eating
pussy
<rtav> ChOwShAdY, I have to ask why you're trying to pleasure
a woman...
<rtav> you need to tell her that were she meant to be
pleasured, she'd be a man
<Spamalope> keep in mind how often rtav gets ass before you
heed his advice pertaining to ladies.
<rtav> Spamalope, My advice is untainted by experience.
#13407 [ + | - ] 837
<@durin> wanting to work for redhat is like wanting herpies
<@KrON> theres no i in herpes
<@KrON> that sounds like a personal motto
#13406 [ + | - ] 432
<@AJ-> [-amp-]: My girl might be, erm, uh, you know
<@[-amp-]> a man?
#13405 [ + | - ] 496
<Synikal> i do lawns
<mikeyjone> plz no sexual preferences
<Synikal> i do like 2 every day almost
<mikeyjone> one day you'll answer the door and a small blade
of grass will be there saying "daddy?"
<Synikal> lol
#13404 [ + | - ] 785
<@rtav> CaptainX, It is considered outdated and sexist to
refer to your barbecue with "her"
<@rtav> CaptainX, Unless it is an erotic barbecue with the
erotic feature set of a woman.
<@rtav> Then I propose that you are confusing a hooker with a
barbecue.
<@rtav> To determine once and for all whether you are dealing
with a barecue or a hooker, simply light it on fire.
<@rtav> If it runs, you are dealing with a hooker.
<@rtav> If it does not, you are either dealing with a barbecue
or a dead hooker.
#13403 [ + | - ] 117
(KrON^) *yawn*
(GoofNOff) *yawn*
(GoofNOff) stop that
ÄÄÄ ..[join/#php] hepcat_(~knight@PPP-159.dentech.net)
(cwc) No, YOU!  Who the hell ever caught a yawn off of the
internet?
(GoofNOff) I did... just now
ÄÄÄ cwc did too.  How embarrassing.
#13401 [ + | - ] 231
(tarmac) FUCKFDUCKFUCKFUCUFKC
(tarmac) OMG
(tarmac) PAIN
(tarmac) my nipples are chaffed
(tarmac) from running
(tarmac) with a wet shirt
(tarmac) and
(tarmac) i sprayed colonge on
(tarmac) WOW
#13399 [ + | - ] 1537
(jeek) Jesus Christ.
(jeek) How the hell am I supposed to swallow two alka-seltzer
pills.
(jeek) ?
(seawolf_) put them in water first
(jeek) But then they'll dissolve
(jeek) Oh, I get it
(jeek) n/m
#13398 [ + | - ] 146
(drifter) I broke my rioport player
(jafo) how?
(drifter) but I'm just gonna take it back to the store and get
it replaced
(jafo) trying to upload mpegs to it?
(drifter) plugged in the power source to the earphone jack.
(drifter) cos the power source looks like it goes there.
#13395 [ + | - ] 224
(akerom) anyone gota picture of a fat naked stomach?
(akerom) or a fat naked girl
(akerom) im making a comic of last night
#13393 [ + | - ] 152
<argol> Argh... There are a cuople of CD's i cant find
<[HaT]Mhor> Go look for em?
<argol> They are in another room
<[HaT]Mhor> Well.. look for em in there?
<argol> erh.. the whole room is filled with cd's litterally.
you cant go into the back of the room without some climbing.
and i suspect the cds are in the back. =(
#13386 [ + | - ] 520
<J-Zilla> ma$e became a preacher
<DarkSerge> wtf does he preach
<d> you idiot ds
<d> "I'M A PLUMBER"
<d> ds: "WHAT DO U PLUMB?"
#13370 [ + | - ] 490
<HuStLe> Today I was was flirting with this hot girl in the
halls after school but once again my computer screwed me over
<Netminder> How so?
<HuStLe> Well I was gettin far with her, then she me a secret
about her and her ex, I went to laugh, but guess what came
out.
<HuStLe> Me - "Laugh out Loud", I actually said laugh out
loud. :(
#13367 [ + | - ] 823
<Blaxthos> find / -name "*base*" -user your -print |xargs
'chown us'
#13362 [ + | - ] 314
<Kitster17m> i don't quote meaningless blabs
<RainDown> <Kitster17m> " You are a stupid bitch ,
<RainDown> <Kitster17m> and i hate you "
<RainDown> thanks for being oh-so-meaningful
<Kitster17m> that's not meaningless, that's very deep
<Kitster17m> it's an introspective criticism concerning one's
relations with another, and the social awareness of the
prostitution institute
<RainDown> Screw you
#13359 [ + | - ] 1257
<TrivBot> Question 3. A man's beard grows fastest when he
______?
<_Cozmo_> shaves it
<emul8or__> shaves
<RatAway> jacks off
<TrivBot> Here's a hint: antici
<Rjx> anticipates sex
<TrivBot> Rjx got the answer: anticipates sex. In: 5.7secs.
<Rjx> wtf?
#13358 [ + | - ] 315
<MarZi^> what are you doing on Quakenet if you dont play
Counterstrike?
#13355 [ + | - ] 178
<[chromex]> A paleontologist is a type of dinosaur
#13351 [ + | - ] -9
<MASTERR_4_SLUT_GIRLZ> i need a slut girl as my sex slave as i
have pics of scenes i have in mind. apply on ur kneels with
atleast ur topless pic.
#13350 [ + | - ] 1013
<Sam_> yesterday i saw MIB2 and mr. deeds.
<P|CK|E> i saw mib6-4 like, 6-4 weeks ago
<P|CK|E> my two key doesnt work.
#13340 [ + | - ] 246
<Ludwig> thats amazing, how a company can charge you extra for
what you shoulda gotten originally
<Ludwig> its like buying a hamburger, getting the buns only,
then having to pay more for the meat
<@Gaile[diinet]> Ludwig, you're wrong, clear and simple
<Ludwig> only thing clear and simple is getting through your
panties
*** Ludwig was kicked by Gaile[diinet] (Gaile[diinet])
#13339 [ + | - ] 9
<zRz> Hello a question... that I have to make to be able to
write in color in the devil??
#13331 [ + | - ] 457
<BlazinIndo> you can call me mentally retarded, but i feel
good right about now
<Ludwig> thats cus you're too stupid to know you're mentally
retarded
<Ludwig> its a catch 22
<BlazinIndo> i dont see what your getting at....
#13325 [ + | - ] 335
<Apocalypse23x> dids you noitiuce hitting yourself ehwne drunk
dont hurt
#13322 [ + | - ] 50
<ALegitOne> cls
<ALegitOne> oops.
<ALegitOne> lol this isn't linux or dos
#13315 [ + | - ] 812
*** Joins: Tallpaul
*** Semper is now known as Smallpaul
*** Smallpaul is now known as Semper
*** Tallpaul is now known as Semper_is_gay
*** Semper is now known as Tallpaul
*** Semper_is_gay is now known as Semper
*** Quits: Semper (Kill by NickServ (RECOVER command used by
Tallpaul))
*** Tallpaul is now known as Semper
<Semper> I'm a dick
<Semper> :D
#13309 [ + | - ] 27
<Moled> the only female people I have spoken to are in my
family or teachers at school
#13295 [ + | - ] 218
<Ntruder> someone peed in the dating pool here
#13282 [ + | - ] 279
<Ferney> WTF??? benchmarks for a fuggin VIBRATOR?
#13272 [ + | - ] 21
<Hell`> russ where do u live ?
<russ> delaware
<Hell`> ill come and pick ya up
<Hell`> if its on the way
<Hell`> where the fuck it that
<Hell`> i need a state !
<Hell`> i need a state !
<Hell`> i need a state !
<Hell`> not a city
<Hell`> lol
#13267 [ + | - ] 298
<Mithrandir> http://www.geekissues.org/quotes/?12572
- did you know that it is anatomically impossible to lick your
elbow...and 75% of the people who hear that actually try to
lick their elbow?
<SirPrux> already read that
<SirPrux> it's not funny
<Mithrandir> did you try?
<SirPrux> Yeah
#13266 [ + | - ] 88
(zeki): whats a badger?
(ThinG): hes from wind in the willows
#13254 [ + | - ] 150
<Arno> i got kicked off a cray at school for running "pine"
#13250 [ + | - ] 692
<+phunk> i have to send 8 photos of myself in
<@fraggle> one for each angle
<@fraggle> they're going to make you into a doom monster
#13246 [ + | - ] 489
ùíù You're now known as
<@> wtf
<@> what nick am I
#13213 [ + | - ] 8028
<Spazz> Seems like when I say "FUCK" you get an EOF error  :o
*** Quits: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au)
(Read error: EOF from client)
*** Joins: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au)
<Bartolimis> fuck
*** Quits: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au)
(Read error: EOF from client)
*** Joins: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au)
<Bartolimis> fuck
<Spazz> fuck
*** Quits: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au)
(Read error: EOF from client)
*** Joins: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au)
<Spazz> fuck
<Bartolimis> stop
*** Quits: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au)
(Read error: EOF from client)
*** Joins: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au)
<Bartolimis> we're done >:)
<Ranto> hmh?
<Spazz> Your client got an error...
<Bartolimis> yeah, we're done saying fuck
<Spazz> everytime we said f***
*** Quits: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au)
(Read error: EOF from client)
*** Joins: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au)
<Spazz> Quit saying fukc
<Bartolimis> my bad
<Spazz> fuck*
*** Quits: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au)
(Read error: EOF from client)
*** Joins: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au)
<Icc> Someone says fuck and he drops ?
*** Quits: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au)
(Read error: EOF from client)
#13211 [ + | - ] 408
<PJ> Ok
<PJ> let me get this straight...
<PJ> Your pregnant wife shoved speed down your throat during
sex?
<Covert22-UNS> Yup pretty much
#13200 [ + | - ] 664
<erisynne> he has a ctcp version fetish
<erisynne> he did it to me 7 times
<GreenMtn> did you lose your versionity?
#13198 [ + | - ] 223
[01:05] <Hiyaz> I have my Windows 95 dick from my old Desk top
[01:05] <Elysian`> hmm
[01:05] <Elysian`> win95 dick
[01:05] <magtec> some may call me desperate, but i really
don't think i'd want one of those.
[01:07] <MrSparkle> magtec:  you never know what kinda virus
you could get from a Win95 d....
[01:07] <Elysian`> a STD
[01:07] <Elysian`> Setup Transmitted Disease
#13195 [ + | - ] 1116
<adam1> my gf supposedly has "issues" with me
<Hiroe> Heh, my ex didn't have just a few issues, she had a
fuckin *Subscription*
#13193 [ + | - ] 503
<XwinGs> can i find any mensa iq test on the net ?
<Ntruder> part of the test is finding the test.  good luck.
<XwinGs> oic
#13151 [ + | - ] 644
[ @niffie ] I have no inhabitions right now
[ @aphr0 ] would you finger my asshole?
[ @niffie ] no
[ @aphr0 ] then you have inhibitions
#13148 [ + | - ] 438
[aphr0] do hospitals let you keep the umbilical cord?
[aphr0] I'ma have my kid's cord made into a die
[aphr0] tie
[aphr0] or freeze it and tan it and make it into a cane
[aphr0] give it to my kid when he learns to walk so he can
walk around and pimp bitches with his umbilical cord
#13133 [ + | - ] 297
<OneiWilly> ah crap i accidently downloaded winzip again
instead of winamp
#13131 [ + | - ] 162
<Adamus> I wouldn't care about the bot if you didn't deny me
access to the
channel I that I have been using for this past year
<M[]rgue> meh
<M[]rgue> wasted youth is no concern of mine
#13121 [ + | - ] 15
<i_am_pi> (pvah) i wonder how funny airport security would
think it would be if you walked into an airport with a
cardboard box that said "BOMB" on it
<i_am_pi> i love QDB./
<i_am_pi> www.geekissues.org/quotes/
<pedXing> i_am_pi: I believe it's a 2 year minimum sentence,
but I'm sure they'd be laughing.
<Kthulu> i doubt they'd find it funny
#13111 [ + | - ] 213
<neia_doll> Im 5 foot 11 and 116 lbs..i lost 3 on accident..
<k-rad-bob> accident?
<neia_doll> so Im pretty skinny
<k-rad-bob> you got an abortion?