hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21117 Approved Quotes | 1 in Moderation Queue
#750058 [ + | - ] 170
<Rjx> How to get laid? Uninstall Linux.
<Rjx> case closed
#749986 [ + | - ] 4331
PwNzAgE33: ok so in assembly language we learned that
processes in the cpu get set priority levelsPwNzAgE33: 0-7, 7
being the highest priority
PwNzAgE33: this is the example the book gives
PwNzAgE33: "For example, a computer's payroll program may run
overnight, and at PL0. It has all night to finish - not
terribly urgent. A program that corrects for a nuclear power
plant current surge may run at PL6. We are perfectly happy to
let the payroll wait while the nuclear power correction keeps
us from being blown to bits."
PwNzAgE33: this begs two questions
PwNzAgE33: first
PwNzAgE33: who in the hell is running payroll and a nuclear
power surge correction on the same machine
PwNzAgE33: and second, if nuclear power surge correction gets
PL6, what on God's green earth gets a fucking PL7?
#749816 [ + | - ] 609
FeNdErBeNdEr04: how does one go about achieving a relationship
with someone who thinks one is confused as m'kay about what
one wants, but one knows she truly isn't confused, it's just
that someone who's very confusing at times.
SkaRules: i can see how one would find you confusing
#749697 [ + | - ] 1702
<Suriko> I HAVE DONE IT
<Suriko> I HAVE BEATEN THE CLAW MACHINE
<Suriko> I HAVE BURNT ITS FIELDS, AND HEARD THE LAMENTATIONS
OF ITS WOMEN
<Suriko> I got a teddy bear and a Shrek donkey <3
#749486 [ + | - ] 754
<Biff> News of the World is reporting that Angelina Jolie is
planning to adopt for the fourth time, just weeks after she
adopted a 5-year old boy from Vietnam.  She has also adopted
Maddox from Cambodia and Zahara from Ethiopia and she of
course has Shiloh, her natural daughter with her boyfriend
Brad Pitt.  Now Jolie wants to adopt a girl from Chad to
"balance the family."
<Biff> she's collecting kids from other countries as if they
were pokemon
#749227 [ + | - ] 1452
<denshuu> I just spent the better part of four fuck hours
trying to get on IRC from campus
<denshuu> just to talk to you artards
<Desu|Away> rawsome
<whereisJ> What would you do without us?
<denshuu> graduate
#748785 [ + | - ] 795
<SyntaxError> So how do you guys think Bush is doing
<Pacster> Don't get me started ...
<Merrick178> I'm sick of people hating Bush
<Pacster> Omg -.-
<Merrick178> He's doing pretty good for a retarded person
#748763 [ + | - ] 470
<BillyBob> napolean was 5 feet 7
<BillyBob> that i did not know
<NobleArc> Napoleon
<NobleArc> It's just francais. Spelling en francais isn't that
hard.
<BillyBob> good to know you can catch typos in multiple
languages
<BillyBob> almost as helpful as the microsoft office paperclip
#748314 [ + | - ] 456
<CimmAway> Spam subject of the day: "Proven Safe! Give Your
Little Brother 3-Inches Longer With This High Demaning Herbal
Pill tlet"
<CimmAway> Something just sounds wrong there...
<CimmAway> Giving 3 inches more to your brother...
<Reddman> he's getting better at taking it
#748176 [ + | - ] 604
[ %Nakedkira ] HERE'S A REAL CATGIRL
[ %Nakedkira ] :D)333-<
( +DB ) o.o
( +Renoki ) 3 sets... of boobs?
[ %Nakedkira ] meow, bitch
#748074 [ + | - ] 2152
<Fuzion> research has shown that men are less likely to
attempt suicide, but more likely to succeed.
<Kadaj>  it's because they tend to use guns, while women use
things like sleeping pills.
<Fuzion> that just pisses me off.
<Fuzion> the last thing you are ever going to do... would it
kill you to do it right?!
<Fuzion> ...
<Fuzion> wait
#747877 [ + | - ] 758
Maybe_Factor: C++ doesn't have a compiler, it has a
complainer.
#747531 [ + | - ] 1871
<muse06> you ever think god gets stoned?
<humphrey> have you ever seen a platypus?
#747447 [ + | - ] 93
Archpo: Ok, I m stealing that.
Drmn: haha
*** Auto-response from Archpo: rm * /dev/bladder; cat /dev/
fridge | grep food
Drmn: trouble with that is remembering to treat /dev/fridge as
a FIFO and not a block device
Drmn: *contemplates 3 day old pizza vs. 2 day old indian food*
#747246 [ + | - ] 1645
<nyetwerk> why is it that they always make the stupidest
person on a project team be the leader?
<DocRadium> what are you in charge of now?
#747235 [ + | - ] 2911
<mav> I've always wanted to change my legal name to ;DROP
DATABASE; and see what kind of havoc ensues...
#747233 [ + | - ] 826
<D4> Want to hear my idea for a Star Wars porno?
<Jolyon> Only if Han shoots first
#747191 [ + | - ] 146
DeathDread26: Ever consider lifting a lawnmower up and using
it like a weapon against a horde of people?
NiNj4 4Ss4SsiN: no
DeathDread26: oh
DeathDread26: so... i am the only one?
NiNj4 4Ss4SsiN: lol i guess
DeathDread26: damn.  know any good psychologists?
#747042 [ + | - ] 1635
<Stevie_Kilroy> a little s&m never hurt anyone
<Bungalow Bill> dude
<Bungalow Bill> Yes it did.
#747032 [ + | - ] 1347
<Mikachu> haha, i misread a japanese word i wanted to look up
<Mikachu> it was kansha, meaning "thanks, gratitude"
<Mikachu> but i wrote in gansha in the dictionary program
<Mikachu> "ejaculation onto partner's face"
<Mikachu> that is a mispronunciation i will be careful to
avoid
#747013 [ + | - ] 648
<pecosdave> Yeah, Snakes on a Plane not a movie you can enjoy
alone.
<pecosdave> You can admit to watching the movie with a group,
but watching it alone shows signs of having issues.
<jpaganel> LOL
<pecosdave> It's like Rocky Horror.  Watching it alone of the
privacy of your own home makes you weird.
<pecosdave> Cross dressing and watching it with a crowd on the
other hand is perfect acceptable.
#746975 [ + | - ] 446
<ricebowl> lingerie is one of the few items where you expect
to pay more for less
#746793 [ + | - ] 895
<Etir> I want to see Clinton versus Rice in 2008 just to see
if a 3rd party candidate can win on the "I'm Male" platform
#746746 [ + | - ] 288
<sigafoo> your girlfriend is so slutty she gets pass 'by
reference'
<HdxEvil> &owned
#746742 [ + | - ] 1443
<irzyxel> RANDY !
<irzyxel> long time no see !
<irzyxel> hows the kids
<Randy`> still in my testicles, thankfully
#746738 [ + | - ] 565
Hooka: I'm going to pee on you
Ralphy_Fox: that'd be hot
lemonlimeskull: Only for a while, then it'd cool off.
#746655 [ + | - ] 1189
<StrangelyUnoriginal>So I was at Walmart, being the financial
transaction overlord of register 21.
Rite, and this kid walks up, I ring up his items and he says,
"So I heard you like mudkips?" so I acted all confused like he
expected me to andhe had a little faggoty giggle then he asked
me what his total was and I said, "Your total, IT'S OVER NINE
THOUSSSSSSAAAAND!" and my manager was like, "lol wtf?" then I
grabbed the pricing scanner and crushed it in my hand.
#746569 [ + | - ] 1167
<&Dynamic_Inc> ive decided to play a huge prctical joke on my
friends
<&Dynamic_Inc> ima slip 2 of them the date rape drug when they
are REALLY drunk
<&Dynamic_Inc> then with the help of my other friends, strip
them naked, and put them in      bed together, spooning
<&Dynamic_Inc> beat one of them on the ass, so when they wake
up its sore
<&Dynamic_Inc> and smear some blood and poop on the sheets
<&Dynamic_Inc> there gunna wake up and be like "O.O fuck."
<&Dynamic_Inc> one of them will turn gay because of it
<&Dynamic_Inc> and they will both act wiered for years
<&Dynamic_Inc> then like 5 years down the road
<&Dynamic_Inc> ill tell them the truth
<&Dynamic_Inc> and then run like fuck
<&Dynamic_Inc> its gunna be great
<%Airegorne> can i help?
#746302 [ + | - ] -243
Jmack- i was dreaming of eating a marshmallow
B-dawg- and what happened?
Jmack- when i woke up
b-dawg- then what
Jmack- my pillow was gone......
b-dawg- ........wtf......
#746293 [ + | - ] 779
<jo> apparently, according to Josh, the Swiss-French border is
at risk of being sucked in by a black hole
<jo> they're experimenting with time/space stuff there
<Lewin> haha
<Lewin> try staying out of that one, switzerland
#745894 [ + | - ] 392
* Nanobot primarily uses a pi-based counting system
<Nanobot> I know all of the digits in pi
<Nanobot> It's 10
#745889 [ + | - ] 514
<nista> i was explaining to a claimant why a defendant was
being sued
<nista> i told him that the defendant violated a federal
statute
<nista> he said "VIOLATED A FEDERAL STATUE?!? WHICH ONE, THE
LINCOLN MEMORIAL?!?"
#745565 [ + | - ] 1612
<zak> I once almost kissed a girl but then she woke up.. then
i woke up
#745536 [ + | - ] -68
<scott> Where were your born?
<scott> homoland?
<scott> Thats not even possible.
#745401 [ + | - ] 546
Lord Kagemaro: Want a PS3?
IDLon2000: No
Lord Kagemaro: :/
Lord Kagemaro: I'm bored with mine
#745385 [ + | - ] 927
<@Sadist> http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ef/
Age_of_Consent.png
<@Sadist> data for age of consent all around the world.
<Dano> Is that in your bookmarks?
<@Sadist> its my home page
#745239 [ + | - ] 461
bendingoutward: last night was so hardcore that i moshed with
a guy in a wheelchair.
#745228 [ + | - ] 1329
<Foamy> im a little teapot
<Foamy> short and stout
<Foamy> here is my handle
* Trueborn has kicked Foamy from #totse (get the fuck out)
#745175 [ + | - ] 361
<ralph> perl is the lossy compression for programming
languages
#745147 [ + | - ] 2264
<Dack Falu> WTF, there are Bomberman fanfics
<Dack Falu> Did that shit have a storyline?
<Stultus> Someone's probably written a fanfic for Tetris
<Saturn V> THE L BLOCK TAKES ME BY THE HAND AND PLUGNES ITSELF
NEATLY INTO ME, FORMING A LINE
<Saturn V> I MOAN BUT THEN PART OF ME VANISHES
<Saturn V> FOREVER.
#744548 [ + | - ] 64
<Kkooly> rumick whyd you download the same episode 3 times
<jkpolk> He probably has a triple monitor setup
#744447 [ + | - ] 951
<Drakkel> is it sad that I'm looking through national sex
offender databases of areas where I live?
<Lai> I would have tried the personals first, really.
#744290 [ + | - ] 1029
<Hitman2005> I got a new Car stereo the other day, it comes
equipped with'VOICE RECOGNITION!'.
<Hitman2005> So if i shout "Rock", it searches, and play rock
music, If i shout 'SOUL' it searches for soul music, same with
country music etc,etc.
<Hitman2005> Only problem is, i had some children run out in
front of my car the other day,
<Hitman2005> I shouted "FUCKING KIDS", Then Michael Jacksons
'THRILLER' came on :S
#744206 [ + | - ] -133
<+Tigrael> you're a bash mod now?
<%kastein> yup.
<%spock1104> kastein: tell them to stop rejecting quotes that
rock and accepting quotes that suck
<%kastein> spock1104: hey
<%kastein> them includes me now
* %kastein goes back to being a nazi mod
<%kastein> MUST THROW MORE QUOTES IN THE OVEN
#744203 [ + | - ] 190
<@blaxthos> one token to unite them
<@kastein> murdrface: and in a ring bind them
#744067 [ + | - ] 561
<slashdotuser> I still think the only real way to communicate
with outlying civilisations properly will be with supernovas.
<slashdotuser> Though, only one message could be send - "Help
our sun is blowing u^&"%£%^&!*(())[NO CARRIER]
#744013 [ + | - ] 1111
<kidd79> do u know what i'd like they add to Google.Earth?
<Don_Vito> ..3D graphics?
<Don_Vito> animated water, trees and stuuf??
<kidd79> orbital ion cannon
#744009 [ + | - ] 465
<Chainsaw> If you want to run SELinux, you need to start
installing an SELinux system. You can't just enable that
USE-flag and expect things to work.
* ML-37 grins
<Chainsaw> That's like taking 14 wheels off of your 18-wheeler
and saying "this is now a car, off we go".
#744007 [ + | - ] 695
<Chains> fuck that AM/PM shit, i'm european, i can have 13:37
every day!
#743927 [ + | - ] 1236
rintin: so I fried my dads motherboard today
rintin: apparently I wasn't grounded...
rintin: now I am