hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21102 Approved Quotes | 0 in Moderation Queue
#747235 [ + | - ] 2925
<mav> I've always wanted to change my legal name to ;DROP
DATABASE; and see what kind of havoc ensues...
#747233 [ + | - ] 815
<D4> Want to hear my idea for a Star Wars porno?
<Jolyon> Only if Han shoots first
#747191 [ + | - ] 135
DeathDread26: Ever consider lifting a lawnmower up and using
it like a weapon against a horde of people?
NiNj4 4Ss4SsiN: no
DeathDread26: oh
DeathDread26: so... i am the only one?
NiNj4 4Ss4SsiN: lol i guess
DeathDread26: damn.  know any good psychologists?
#747042 [ + | - ] 1630
<Stevie_Kilroy> a little s&m never hurt anyone
<Bungalow Bill> dude
<Bungalow Bill> Yes it did.
#747032 [ + | - ] 1338
<Mikachu> haha, i misread a japanese word i wanted to look up
<Mikachu> it was kansha, meaning "thanks, gratitude"
<Mikachu> but i wrote in gansha in the dictionary program
<Mikachu> "ejaculation onto partner's face"
<Mikachu> that is a mispronunciation i will be careful to
avoid
#747013 [ + | - ] 639
<pecosdave> Yeah, Snakes on a Plane not a movie you can enjoy
alone.
<pecosdave> You can admit to watching the movie with a group,
but watching it alone shows signs of having issues.
<jpaganel> LOL
<pecosdave> It's like Rocky Horror.  Watching it alone of the
privacy of your own home makes you weird.
<pecosdave> Cross dressing and watching it with a crowd on the
other hand is perfect acceptable.
#746975 [ + | - ] 439
<ricebowl> lingerie is one of the few items where you expect
to pay more for less
#746793 [ + | - ] 886
<Etir> I want to see Clinton versus Rice in 2008 just to see
if a 3rd party candidate can win on the "I'm Male" platform
#746746 [ + | - ] 278
<sigafoo> your girlfriend is so slutty she gets pass 'by
reference'
<HdxEvil> &owned
#746742 [ + | - ] 1432
<irzyxel> RANDY !
<irzyxel> long time no see !
<irzyxel> hows the kids
<Randy`> still in my testicles, thankfully
#746738 [ + | - ] 554
Hooka: I'm going to pee on you
Ralphy_Fox: that'd be hot
lemonlimeskull: Only for a while, then it'd cool off.
#746655 [ + | - ] 1181
<StrangelyUnoriginal>So I was at Walmart, being the financial
transaction overlord of register 21.
Rite, and this kid walks up, I ring up his items and he says,
"So I heard you like mudkips?" so I acted all confused like he
expected me to andhe had a little faggoty giggle then he asked
me what his total was and I said, "Your total, IT'S OVER NINE
THOUSSSSSSAAAAND!" and my manager was like, "lol wtf?" then I
grabbed the pricing scanner and crushed it in my hand.
#746569 [ + | - ] 1167
<&Dynamic_Inc> ive decided to play a huge prctical joke on my
friends
<&Dynamic_Inc> ima slip 2 of them the date rape drug when they
are REALLY drunk
<&Dynamic_Inc> then with the help of my other friends, strip
them naked, and put them in      bed together, spooning
<&Dynamic_Inc> beat one of them on the ass, so when they wake
up its sore
<&Dynamic_Inc> and smear some blood and poop on the sheets
<&Dynamic_Inc> there gunna wake up and be like "O.O fuck."
<&Dynamic_Inc> one of them will turn gay because of it
<&Dynamic_Inc> and they will both act wiered for years
<&Dynamic_Inc> then like 5 years down the road
<&Dynamic_Inc> ill tell them the truth
<&Dynamic_Inc> and then run like fuck
<&Dynamic_Inc> its gunna be great
<%Airegorne> can i help?
#746302 [ + | - ] -240
Jmack- i was dreaming of eating a marshmallow
B-dawg- and what happened?
Jmack- when i woke up
b-dawg- then what
Jmack- my pillow was gone......
b-dawg- ........wtf......
#746293 [ + | - ] 768
<jo> apparently, according to Josh, the Swiss-French border is
at risk of being sucked in by a black hole
<jo> they're experimenting with time/space stuff there
<Lewin> haha
<Lewin> try staying out of that one, switzerland
#745894 [ + | - ] 381
* Nanobot primarily uses a pi-based counting system
<Nanobot> I know all of the digits in pi
<Nanobot> It's 10
#745889 [ + | - ] 508
<nista> i was explaining to a claimant why a defendant was
being sued
<nista> i told him that the defendant violated a federal
statute
<nista> he said "VIOLATED A FEDERAL STATUE?!? WHICH ONE, THE
LINCOLN MEMORIAL?!?"
#745565 [ + | - ] 1602
<zak> I once almost kissed a girl but then she woke up.. then
i woke up
#745536 [ + | - ] -72
<scott> Where were your born?
<scott> homoland?
<scott> Thats not even possible.
#745401 [ + | - ] 534
Lord Kagemaro: Want a PS3?
IDLon2000: No
Lord Kagemaro: :/
Lord Kagemaro: I'm bored with mine
#745385 [ + | - ] 910
<@Sadist> http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/e/ef/
Age_of_Consent.png
<@Sadist> data for age of consent all around the world.
<Dano> Is that in your bookmarks?
<@Sadist> its my home page
#745239 [ + | - ] 452
bendingoutward: last night was so hardcore that i moshed with
a guy in a wheelchair.
#745228 [ + | - ] 1308
<Foamy> im a little teapot
<Foamy> short and stout
<Foamy> here is my handle
* Trueborn has kicked Foamy from #totse (get the fuck out)
#745175 [ + | - ] 351
<ralph> perl is the lossy compression for programming
languages
#745147 [ + | - ] 2255
<Dack Falu> WTF, there are Bomberman fanfics
<Dack Falu> Did that shit have a storyline?
<Stultus> Someone's probably written a fanfic for Tetris
<Saturn V> THE L BLOCK TAKES ME BY THE HAND AND PLUGNES ITSELF
NEATLY INTO ME, FORMING A LINE
<Saturn V> I MOAN BUT THEN PART OF ME VANISHES
<Saturn V> FOREVER.
#744548 [ + | - ] 51
<Kkooly> rumick whyd you download the same episode 3 times
<jkpolk> He probably has a triple monitor setup
#744447 [ + | - ] 941
<Drakkel> is it sad that I'm looking through national sex
offender databases of areas where I live?
<Lai> I would have tried the personals first, really.
#744290 [ + | - ] 1022
<Hitman2005> I got a new Car stereo the other day, it comes
equipped with'VOICE RECOGNITION!'.
<Hitman2005> So if i shout "Rock", it searches, and play rock
music, If i shout 'SOUL' it searches for soul music, same with
country music etc,etc.
<Hitman2005> Only problem is, i had some children run out in
front of my car the other day,
<Hitman2005> I shouted "FUCKING KIDS", Then Michael Jacksons
'THRILLER' came on :S
#744206 [ + | - ] -140
<+Tigrael> you're a bash mod now?
<%kastein> yup.
<%spock1104> kastein: tell them to stop rejecting quotes that
rock and accepting quotes that suck
<%kastein> spock1104: hey
<%kastein> them includes me now
* %kastein goes back to being a nazi mod
<%kastein> MUST THROW MORE QUOTES IN THE OVEN
#744203 [ + | - ] 178
<@blaxthos> one token to unite them
<@kastein> murdrface: and in a ring bind them
#744067 [ + | - ] 554
<slashdotuser> I still think the only real way to communicate
with outlying civilisations properly will be with supernovas.
<slashdotuser> Though, only one message could be send - "Help
our sun is blowing u^&"%£%^&!*(())[NO CARRIER]
#744013 [ + | - ] 1100
<kidd79> do u know what i'd like they add to Google.Earth?
<Don_Vito> ..3D graphics?
<Don_Vito> animated water, trees and stuuf??
<kidd79> orbital ion cannon
#744009 [ + | - ] 456
<Chainsaw> If you want to run SELinux, you need to start
installing an SELinux system. You can't just enable that
USE-flag and expect things to work.
* ML-37 grins
<Chainsaw> That's like taking 14 wheels off of your 18-wheeler
and saying "this is now a car, off we go".
#744007 [ + | - ] 689
<Chains> fuck that AM/PM shit, i'm european, i can have 13:37
every day!
#743927 [ + | - ] 1223
rintin: so I fried my dads motherboard today
rintin: apparently I wasn't grounded...
rintin: now I am
#743913 [ + | - ] -46
caithness: Nike Brand Condoms
caithness: "Just Do It"
#743806 [ + | - ] 600
Kris: Happy Pi Day!
Dean: I don't celebrate pi day, but rather pi approximation
day on july 22nd or 7/22
#743595 [ + | - ] 3006
<crabcakedeathra> where were you earlier?
<arkilla> work.
<crabcakedeathra> where you work?
<arkilla> GTE Visa. mail room clerk.
<arkilla> had some trouble with this asshole sendin in coupons
<arkilla> today he also sent in 33 motherfuggin' pennies
<arkilla> my managr called to complain, after like an hour WE
cut HIM a check for 33 cents
<crabcakedeathra> that sounds damn familiar
#743532 [ + | - ] 1871
<aioli> i hope whoever invented the mysterious force gets his
or her penis caught in a gear
<raxvulpine> Your attempt to be gender-neutral there only sort
of worked.
#743459 [ + | - ] 1937
<Ki> HAHAHAHA I DID IT HAHAHA FUCKERS
<Ki> I ASSEMBLED THE BED
<Mellis> hmm?
<Mellis> congratulations you're a level 2 Ikeamancer
#743431 [ + | - ] 247
<kikuichimonji> Okay, you know how in Revelation in the Bible
it talks about how in the end times everyone will be marked
with a number?
<kikuichimonji> And how you will need that number to buy or
sell anything?
<kikuichimonji> I think that the Bible is refering to DRM.
<kikuichimonji> Bill Gates is the antichrist, and Vista
registration keys are the mark of the beast.
#743428 [ + | - ] 2329
culturejammer: you know what pennies are AWESOME for?
culturejammer: throwing at cats
culturejammer: it only costs a single penny
culturejammer: and they'll either chase it, or get hit by it
and look pissed off
culturejammer: i now use that system to value prices of things
culturejammer: for example, a thirty dollar game has to be at
least as awesome as three thousand catpennies
#743353 [ + | - ] 487
Matt: I reaaaaaaaaaaallly hope the coding for this grade genie
in our online gradebook is fucked
Matt: "You final exam score must be 1.20303288341787e^308 for
Final Average to be 90"
#743307 [ + | - ] 309
<mentor> How do you escape handcuffs?
<fudge> Are you in handcuffs?
<fudge> Depend very much on the design.
<fudge> Well-designed handcuffs are, unsurprisingly, quite
hard to escape.
<fudge> Houdini's stuff was mostly based on having hidden bits
of metal that could be used to pick the lock.
<mentor> backslashes
* fudge hits mentor
#743288 [ + | - ] 469
<Gumby-> so another guy found you sexy.  so what?
<Alchav> I guess you had to be there :/
<Gumby-> I do community theater, where 80% of the guys are
gay.  One time the director came up to me, wanted to make me
feel uncomfortable, and said something like "hey big guy,
so....boxers or briefs?" ...
<Gumby-> so to mess with him, I look at him and say "Neither.
womens"
<Gumby-> he says "Ooh, that's getting me all excited now."   I
then return with "Look, it's no secret.  I may be strong
enough for a man, but I'm made for a woman".  He laughed and
walked away
<Gumby-> Lesson learned: The key to getting someone to stop
creeping you out, is to out-do them.  :)
#743285 [ + | - ] 482
<caleb> "you're only running from yourself"
<caleb> i yelled that after a pair of joggers once in the
early 90s.
<caleb> i thought it was hilarious.
<caleb> i think there might have been some mescaline involved.
#743281 [ + | - ] 135
< RedTee> Alright but i still dont have an answer on my second
and last question
< nazgjunk> RedTee, you ask a question about DOS'ing with
ping, without knowing what ping is
< RedTee> its not what im asking FFS
< RedTee> DO I need dos to preform a dos attack!?!?!?!?!
< einz> YES, don't you see name?
-!- RedTee [insurgent@HTSUser-4149B6F9.adsl.wanadoo.nl] has
quit [Quit: alright THANKS
FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!]
#743233 [ + | - ] 406
<Mud_Shark> Dagger thinks an orgy is using more than one
magazine
#743227 [ + | - ] 479
<BurnStuff>: They asked me if I was bring drugs into Jamaica
<Kmank>: Bringing drugs to Jamaica?
<BurnStuff>: Yeah
<Kmank.: Thats like briging slim-fast to Ethiopia!
#743138 [ + | - ] 302
<Varitek> a piece of spam in my inbox had the subject "new
fap"
<Varitek> I decided to forget my principles and actually read
it
<Varitek> it was selling fake watches
<Varitek> I was crushed