hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21105 Approved Quotes | 0 in Moderation Queue
#42056 [ + | - ] 379
*** ROFOL is now known as AOLROCKS
<AOLROCKS> What a surprise
<AOLROCKS> Not taken
#42037 [ + | - ] 499
<Arno^QS> Intel Inside: The world's most widely distributed
warning label
#42034 [ + | - ] 624
<Ih8tjon> throwing a match into like, a BUCKET of gasoline
won't do anything.
<Ih8tjon> cause, you know, the liquid will actually put it out
before it can burn stuff.
<marek> m'am, i've just informed the good people at the Darwin
Awards. They promised me they'd keep an eye on you.
#42033 [ + | - ] 312
<AutistiCat> Anyone know how to get a halogen light bulb to
fit into a halogen lamp thing?
<Ochopatas> Push on it
<AutistiCat> It has two little things sticking out and they
won't go in...
<AutistiCat> If I push any harder it'll break before it goes
in.
<Sensi> you slide it in and rotate the light. it should lock
in
<AutistiCat> It won't slide in. It's like the holes are too
small.
<Squinky> Wait until it passes adolescence.
#42025 [ + | - ] 347
<DaGGeR> When you talk to a woman about sex it's sexual
harassment but when they talk to you about sex it's $2.99 a
minute =)
#42020 [ + | - ] 875
<roman> skitzo, dude, when i was like 8 or something, i was on
the floor .. on my back, trying to see my asshole.. and i was
sucking air in with my asshole.. and farting it out.. when my
brother walked in on me.. and i lost control of my stomach and
a fucking turd popped out and landed on my chest
#42009 [ + | - ] 496
<cheesewad> I want to take nunchuck lessons so when I go to
jail I can bust out with the soap on a roap and beat up all
those ass fuckers.
<Allen4> What are you going to jail for?
<cheesewad> stealing soap on a rope.
#41974 [ + | - ] 287
<Ramza> there's this wierd kid watching everything that I type
sitting beside me
<Ramza> yes you
<Ramza> I don't see anyone else
<Ramza> go away obviously I don't want you to do this
#41968 [ + | - ] 280
<qwerty> that girl told me its a sin to wank
<qwerty> and i deleted like 200 megs of pr0n :(
<xor|shabl> !@$N$:@NK$!K!@N
<Wanderer> muahahaha
<Kristoph> tell her you want to sin all over her face :D
#41967 [ + | - ] 335
<Z> Long ago there were 2 kinds of cave men. The ones who
hunted and slept with the women, producing strong children.
The others hid alone in their part of the forest and made love
to crude holes they carved in trees.. The hunters evolved into
normal functioning adults of modern civilization. The others
became linux users.
#41958 [ + | - ] 168
<@BloodNose> ooh, I could be getting cable in the next 2
months-ish
<@BloodNose> :D:DD
<@BloodNose> what's that WB  of blender's that makes some
reference to me getting cable, can anyone remember?
<@BloodNose> it's like "the day blood gets cable, I'll
<something something>"
<@sevr> "quit sucking cock"
<@sevr> keep in mind tho he never thought you'd get cable :/
#41955 [ + | - ] 53
<Nago> i saw this sticker
<Nago> that said
<Nago> Got Jesus?
<Nago> and i was thinking
<Nago> got milk? i want a glass of jesus.
<Nago> Jesus h. christ.
<Nago> id like a glass of that.
<Venoman> frothy warm glass-o-christ
#41949 [ + | - ] 529
<Nago> JESUS IS A COOL GUY! I BET HE LIKED PORNO!
<Pete> I bet he liked bondage
<Pete> took it too seriousley one day though....
#41922 [ + | - ] 208
<TNK> sweden is the most wasted land in the world- so many
beautiful girls, and because it's cold there they wear too
many clothes =]
#41903 [ + | - ] 558
<Denium> cassy do you mind if i delegate something to ya?
<Cassy> as long as i can do it in the morning ....i'm totally
dead .....had a gig earlier tonight and i'm like a zombie lol
<Denium> wow
<Denium> i only do like 500mb/day
<Denium> at most
<Cassy> a SHOW
<Denium> ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
<Cassy> you know ....play music!?
#41896 [ + | - ] 201
(Sober|smk) 905-847-6000fuck
(Sober|smk) er
(Sober|smk) mental note
(Sober|smk) never use irc as notepad
(Sober|smk) u will forget and hit enter :)
#41895 [ + | - ] 412
<0oyeaho0> Hey, i have a new boyfriend.  hes so dreamy, and
i'm so in love with him.  Hes so nice and sweet.  I just adore
him.  I feel like ive known him forever.
<oaklandfoo1> where's he from?
<0oyeaho0> uh, im not sure.
#41890 [ + | - ] 707
*** Drive_by_Banning has joined #x1
*** ChanServ sets mode: +o Drive_by_Banning
*** Drive_by_Banning sets mode: +b *!*@*.aol.com
*** Assassin was kicked by Drive_by_Banning (out!)
*** Drive_by_Banning has left #x1
#41884 [ + | - ] 264
<Wayne-aw> 99.9% of the time, the problem lies between the
keyboard and the chair.
#41882 [ + | - ] 350
<@Dza> you g/f's so fat her pic is ~3 megs?
#41863 [ + | - ] 196
« caffeine-killer » can someone help me with how to protect
your computer from mirc
#41858 [ + | - ] 840
<Sober|wrk> heh
<Sober|wrk> lol
<Sober|wrk> my co-worker is throwing a ball
<Sober|wrk> up in the air to relieve some stress
<Sober|wrk> she just smashed it into a ceiling panel and
knocked it down on her head
#41855 [ + | - ] 340
* +abinnie has an english essay to do before his teacher
realises the floppy disc he gave her has holes punched in the
media
<@quip> :D
<+abinnie> and is actually a dos boot disc
<@FrozenFood> lol
#41851 [ + | - ] 705
*** joet (~joet@ilm25-44-179.ec.rr.com) has joined #javascript
<joet> hey
<Object> hey joe
<yossarian> where you going with that gun of yours?
<yossarian> hey joe, i heard you shot your woman down
<[Roosta]> shot her down to the ground?
<joet> umm huh?
<impatient> hey joe, where you gonna run to now?
<joet> I think you have me mistakened with somone else
#41845 [ + | - ] 268
<dyno> Anyone ever gotten the error "Network Cable Unplugged"
?
<kash[]> yea it means your network cable is unpluged
<dyno> at first I thought it was because of an IRQ setting,
but we fixed that.. and I am still getting that error.
#41825 [ + | - ] 1919
<mh_> str8 up mf i was afkin 4 a sec & that mutha goes all
stfu on me
<mh_> wtf? 4 nothin at all
* harm consults Oxford's Non-Abridged Gangsta Abbreviations
Explicator
<mh_> gtof
* harm consults harder
#41824 [ + | - ] 366
<tigga> (_|_) (|_) (_|_) (_|) (_|_)
<tigga> thats u shakin ur (_|_)
<S4L3M> and this is you when i do it: 8=M==D 8===MD 8=M==D 8==
=MD
#41823 [ + | - ] -78
* CHANFIX (services@services.int) has joined #asker-crew
* services.int sets mode: +o CHANFIX
* CHANFIX was kicked by A-Info (net: #asker-crew is closed)
* A-Info sets mode: +b *!*@services.int
* A-Virus (eiolfen@217.8.151.145) has left #asker-crew
* A-Virus (eiolfen@217.8.151.145) has joined #asker-crew
* CHANFIX (services@services.int) has joined #asker-crew
* services.int sets mode: +o CHANFIX
* CHANFIX sets mode: +o A-Virus
* CHANFIX (services@services.int) has left #asker-crew
#41822 [ + | - ] 170
<gate> you're working on a degree in politics, dont call other
people retarded =P
#41821 [ + | - ] 300
<spritegoddess> I had some kid call me up at work today
<spritegoddess> (I work at TRU)
<spritegoddess> asking me for help in Vice City
<spritegoddess> and he sounded like he was maybe...10
<spritegoddess> I don't know why he was calling the place
where he bought the game for in-game help
<Mank> Probably because his mom told him to, sprite.
<spritegoddess> "It's ok sweetie, ask the nice toys 'r us lady
about the prostitutes"
#41820 [ + | - ] 29
<jonathans> i want to raise goats.
<@Neutral-> <3 goats and their tendency to push backwards when
on the edge of a cliff
<synth3tic> So I guess you know why you put a goat on the
endge of a cliff when you fuck it
<synth3tic> ....so he pushes back
<jonathans> 'he'
<synth3tic> yes.. 'he'
<@Neutral-> Position cock strategically
<@Neutral-> And wait for the push.
#41814 [ + | - ] 26
<WillaCuz> i dont wanna ride solo though
<pagan> ya batman aint shit w/o robin :(
<pagan> just another nigga in an expensive car
<WillaCuz> yup
#41803 [ + | - ] 328
<Fozie> XIRWW.
<Fozie> XJEE.
* harm reports foz to dept of anti american activities
* Fozie reports harm to the zoo, ourangutang enclosure
<harm> i got owned yet again :(
<harm> ok this is it its razorblade time for me
* harm has quit IRC
* harm has joined #Proghouse
<harm> wtf goddamn mach3 protective bars
<Fozie> haha you suck at the suicide
#41801 [ + | - ] 285
<zerg> if you ever got pregnant would you get an abortion?
<S4L3M> no
<zerg> adoption?
<S4L3M> no
<zerg> keep it?
<S4L3M> of course!! i prefer to know my spawns so i can bestow
upon them all my evilness and evil ways and evil knowledge...
<S4L3M> how else will i ever rule the world? fool.
#41797 [ + | - ] 177
<danicgross> hacking is very complex
<@Frakes> really?
<danicgross> do u hack
<@Frakes> goodness me no .....what tools would one need?
<danicgross> well
<danicgross> a computer
<danicgross> internet
<@Frakes> ah yes ......got both of those
<danicgross> and skill
<@Frakes> hmmm sadly lacking in the latter
<TheLurker> danicgross: you didn't haxor me did you
<danicgross> are u tempting me
<TheLurker> no
<danicgross> you tempting me arrentyou
<TheLurker> ok, tell you what, tell you what
<TheLurker> i have 2 hard drives, c and d
<TheLurker> on drive d tell me how many folders there are in
the root
<danicgross> just a sec
* TheLurker drums his fingers
* @Frakes accompanies with the triangle
<TheLurker> look, just give up
<TheLurker> you obviously suck at this
<TheLurker> have you, in fact, ever hacked anything apart from
your own penis?
#41789 [ + | - ] 344
* Fireball kicks his computer.. why won't you mount the ipod?
<nica> maybe it's not interested?
<William> :^D
<nica> maybe a bit of wine and some candle light? ;)
<Puppeteer> Fire- Uhm... it's not a Mac?
<nica> KillJoy says, "maybe it's having troubles... viagra?"
<William> Show it porn of Yum, the iMac girl?
<nica> =D
* Fireball grumbles... perverts
#41787 [ + | - ] 348
*** Joins: Pan`Da` (~WIN@p58-max1.wlg.ihug.co.nz)
<Pan`Da`> clamp the area between my asshole and testicles with
my fingers, the 'taint' as its often called, then i jerk off..
when im about to ejaculate, i can delay it for like 10 secs,
then it flies across the room.
<JoanDeArc> Pan`Da`: was that a wrong window?
<Pan`Da`> WTF??
#41784 [ + | - ] -31
<Y2Jesus> [Clone Scanning: #pokebattle]
<Y2Jesus> 6 Match(es) Found
<Y2Jesus> LavosPhoenix: *!*@*.ipt.aol.com
<Y2Jesus> red13n: *!*@*.ipt.aol.com
<Y2Jesus> MrTest: *!*@*.ipt.aol.com
<Y2Jesus> Platinum: *!*@*.ipt.aol.com
<Y2Jesus> SirChris: *!*@*.ipt.aol.com
<Y2Jesus> Xantrix: *!*@*.ipt.aol.com
<Y2Jesus> [End of Clone Scan for: #pokebattle]
#41781 [ + | - ] 247
<NoAzRk> So everyday I make my pb&j when I get home. One night
I wake up for a snack and go to the kitchen. Moms smeared
peanut butter and has the dog lapping.
<Argmyeye> sick! what did you do?
<NoAzRk> I made a fucking pb&j when she was done. I was
hungry.
#41779 [ + | - ] 29
<[mN]Cracker> cept my smelly grandparents are in the kitchen
<[mN]Cracker> AND THEY SMELL SO BAD
<[mN]Cracker> THEY SMELL LIKE THEY SHOULD BE DEAD ALREADY
<[mN]Cracker> gawd
#41771 [ + | - ] 598
<naga> 'dixy normus' won for class princess this year at our
school
<naga> at the assembly, they called her name, but she didn't
come down to take the prize
<naga> took 'em 5 minutes to figure it out
<parnbl00d> sounds sexual.
<parnbl00d> was she absent or somethin?
#41757 [ + | - ] 44
<Arno> damn 23 meg avi
<Arno> and it's not even pr0n
<ANSi5> then why waste your time? :P
#41756 [ + | - ] 138
<citrus-> hehe, some guy called me a few weeks ago, asking if
I would like more TV channels to watch. (Obviously selling
some cable stuff) so I said 'Yes I would' and hung up
#41754 [ + | - ] 484
<Nark> anyone ever put a hole in your bed matress then, grease
it up alot, then stick your joint inside and begine to thust?
And then your shit got tangled in a spring and all of a sudden
you realize that this was a REALLY fucking bad idea?
#41752 [ + | - ] 188
<Endura> Man, don't you just hate it when you are with your
parents in front of important people and all of the
sudden...you're hard and it won't go down?
#41743 [ + | - ] 207
<+aisha-fan> dude
<+aisha-fan> my moms boss brougt in a "new" penteium I
<+aisha-fan> those things r so old their obsoleet
<@MewMew[WC3]> As is correct spelling, I presume.
#41741 [ + | - ] 696
<Rodney> damn mom still on ebay
<territory> lol
<territory> ur selling ur mom?
#41736 [ + | - ] 135
<Lisa_W> ah, vevery woman's fantasy, 1,000,000s of mindless
drones doing what she says....and they call her queen
<Lisa_W> but we'll only want the one that acts like a jerk lol
#41726 [ + | - ] 227
<fuzzwad> theres like that one kid in every state that goes to
best buy JUST to destroy the controller
<fuzzwad> you know the one that smells funny and follows you
around
<fuzzwad> STARING at you...
<fuzzwad> I WANT TO SQUEEZE A LEMON IN THAT KID'S EYE
<Lazz> wow
<Lazz> how can you fit a lemon in an eye?
<fuzzwad> ILL FIND OUT!!!
#41724 [ + | - ] -13
<spiteful> the one day rule is when i get to "chill" with you
because it only takes a day for you to get a new guy...
<S4L3M> you're such a lamer
<S4L3M> could you tell your brother i can't come on wednesday?
<spiteful> i could... *couch*onedayrule*cough*
<S4L3M> or i could just call him instead and tell him myself
and ignore that last little attempt at blackmail
* S4L3M smacks you in the back of the head
<S4L3M> *THUNK* idiot