hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21105 Approved Quotes | 0 in Moderation Queue
#48730 [ + | - ] 373
<Sirea> My brothers cats name is God Damned Cat and she's
running around with pair of my panties in her mouth
<Leth|ASSignment> "God Damned Cat and she's running around
with pair of my panties in her mouth" is a damn long name.
#48729 [ + | - ] 96
<Marticus> i'm still looking for an intelligent non-headcase
female
<UgLyPuNk> they don't exist
<UgLyPuNk> all women are head cases
<toe-wk> its true
<toe-wk> heres how i break it down in geek talk for you nerds
to understand
<toe-wk> males = intel pentium 4's. Cool, reliable, stable,
tough
<toe-wk> females = AMD athlons, sure their sexy, and their
hot...but as soon as they start thinking i wouldnt rely on one
:D
<Marticus> and uh, calculators are little girls, and
mainframes are bbw
<Annon201> what bout graphic calculators??
<Marticus> thats when they get some grass on the pitch
#48728 [ + | - ] 139
note: Jdun is from Moldova
<Puchu> www.manhole.com
<Puchu> go there jdun
<Puchu> lots of hot women
<Puchu> for all your underground slavic women needs
<Jdun> we are not slavic
<Puchu> whatever
<Puchu> balkan then
<Jdun> not balkan
<Puchu> must...give...label....
<Gin> commie
<Gin> :)
<Puchu> YES
#48720 [ + | - ] 487
<KenKaniff> Snow
<KenKaniff> MSH?
<kisama> sure
<kisama> only 15 minutes though
<kisama> i tricked my roommate into leaving
<kisama> so i could fucking wack it
<KenKaniff> HAHA
<KenKaniff> Dood
<KenKaniff> Whack it
<KenKaniff> Then we'll play
<kisama> already did
<KenKaniff> Oh
<KenKaniff> So why 15 minutes?
<kisama> he's coming back in an hour
<KenKaniff> So what?
<KenKaniff> Why cant you play when hes there
<jestuh> cause it's cuddle time then
<jestuh> ;x!
#48719 [ + | - ] 143
<Saiy> Got a job yet Mr Blazey?
<BigGeorgieB> He's on irc. guess. :
#48718 [ + | - ] 10
<ZeroHour> Descender: get a real mans gun
<brenden> hah
<Descender> your penis?
<ZeroHour> damn right!
<NoiZe> lol
<ZeroHour> put it in your eye!
<stupidnick_> lol
<ZeroHour> WATCH IT SHOOT!
#48717 [ + | - ] 655
<sacarna> okay. so i was in whitcoulls and i walked out and
smacked into this guy and i was all ready to go grr and looked
up and it was the guy i have the biggest crush on ever
<sacarna> and my face went white
<sacarna> and then i kinda managed to muster up a hey
<sacarna> and then scuttled away
<sacarna> hopefully he will think its all very cute and fuck
my brains out.
<autistk> it's hard to fuck people when they're running away
<autistk> and you tend to go to jail for it
#48716 [ + | - ] 214
<APE_> ive only got 34mb free
<APE_> out of 1.18gb
<ibor132> hah, ape u need a bigger drive
<APE_> yeh i know
<APE_> my drive is slowly filling up with temporary internet
files porn and irc logs
<ibor132> hah, at least its important stuff
#48715 [ + | - ] -21
<+Azul_Leon2k2> <sigh>
<+Azul_Leon2k2> anybody know how to get cat blood off your
suede shoes???
<+Azul_Leon2k2> nobody?
<+Azul_Leon2k2> u_u
<+Azul_Leon2k2> damn furry football
#48714 [ + | - ] 186
<chickenpotpie> i'm gunna make a porn rpg
<Spoon> what would happen when you leveled up?
<chickenpotpie> you'd get a better sex toy
<BlackRaven> Chrisetn...  Amarthdae..  Kardelian.. Erandir...
and Zelendrile all go off and have fun in that cave that they
were in before they went to the castle on the shore..
<Spoon> Ass_Master leveled up!  Ass_Master learned [Doggie
Style]!
#48713 [ + | - ] 409
<FreakingNeo> 20.  Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is a
fear of ____?
<Qualjyn> long words
<FreakingNeo> Winner: Qualjyn Answer: long words Time: 4.265
Streak: 1 Points: 114 WPM: 28 Rank: 2nd
<FreakingNeo> O_O
#48712 [ + | - ] 21
<zephir> hm
<zephir> think my moms up
<Hesh> tell her i want peppers and eggs for breakfast
<zephir> should i dcc that to you?
<zephir> ./dcc send hesh peppersandeggs.food
#48699 [ + | - ] 166
<lbandit> oh god
<lbandit> i'm in the "seattle gay news online"
#48698 [ + | - ] 444
<cbf> oh that reminds me, I might've given your number out in
a irc channel last night
<Mr_E> are you fucking serious?
<Mr_E> if you're the reason some cunt called me at 4 in the
fucking morning I'ma throw bricks through your window
#48696 [ + | - ] 1006
<xjeff> ok this is just the way I talk...I misspell because
some word's I say arn't exetly proper so please Lay off I been
real nice ever-since I came here because I did NOT won't to
make enamey's out of STARS fan's
<xjeff> so there!
<Sotek> You talk with apostrophes in the middle of plural
words? o_O
<xjeff> yes that's just the way I talk
<Sotek> ...
<Sotek> NO
<xjeff> ...............
<Sotek> IT ISN'T.
<Sotek> IT CANNOT BE.
<xjeff> it can
<Sotek> YOU CANNOT PRONOUNCE AN APOSTROPHE.
#48695 [ + | - ] -182
<orion> goh, despite your new image of being an intelligent
nigger
<goh`> yup
<orion> you are still
<orion> a nigger.
#48690 [ + | - ] 393
<Dashiva> "There comes a special time in every young woman's
life when special things start to happen.."
<hibbert> every month, for  afew days, its ok to be a bitch
<Lanfear> ...you men dont know how easy you have it
<hibbert> whatever
<hibbert> you dont have to deal with carting around this huge
piece of meat everywhere
<Dashiva> hahahhah
<dogma-> lol
<hibbert> its like im pregnant, and the baby is hanging
between my legs
#48684 [ + | - ] 287
<voyweiser> what's the record for the most blowjobs in one
day? cause i think i broke it.
<LlnK> how many guys did you give head today?
<voyweiser> stfu whore. i guess i walked right into that one
huh?
#48676 [ + | - ] 666
* DuneBoy is fucking dead tires
<DuneBoy> d
#48673 [ + | - ] 212
<Scruffypoo> BaLLeriNNa: dunno about best friends.  me and the
kernel aren't even on speaking terms at the moment.  i have to
tell bash a message for the kernel, and it tells the kernel.
then, hopefully, the kernel doesn't get massively depressed
and run away or anything.
#48654 [ + | - ] 301
<Tatws_> dammit!
<Tatws_> i typed "cg_draw2D 0" in the console to get rid of
the 2D things and i dont know how to get them back!
<Tatws_> how to get them bak!?
<Buck> ehrm
<Buck> switch the 0 for a 1? dumbass
<Tatws_> ha that wil never work! you think im stupid?
#48650 [ + | - ] 323
<+ariana_> good perl code is indistinguishable from line noise
#48629 [ + | - ] 448
<Xellos-san> don't confuse barbecues with hookers
<Xellos-san> the only way you can tell them apart is to set
them on fire
<Xellos-san> if it runs away, it's a hooker
<Xellos-san> if it stays, it's a barbecue
<Xellos-san> or a dead hooker
#48621 [ + | - ] 951
<DarkSpork> rock
<Mal> scissors
<Mal> ...
<Mal> DAMN!
#48616 [ + | - ] 27
<Ear> andy: but Methodists think jebus and god are one.
<Ear> Which means he impregnated his mother with himself.
<andy> hahah.
<Ear> :D
<andy> he was jerking it in the womb
#48613 [ + | - ] 109
<KiLLaKoW> http://www.discountbabies.com/cgi-bin/ebaby/
auction.cgi?afterdinnermints&1077202666
* APE_ wonders if u can actually buy them
<SonicRageX> ape do you know how many people there arethat
want babies but cant  have them
<APE_> yeh
<APE_> something like a few million
<KiLLaKoW> that is such a retarded figure
<KiLLaKoW> there are probably more than twice that number up
for auct...err, adoption
#48611 [ + | - ] 197
<Igatona> Seriously, the biblical club at my school only plays
minesweeper and never do anything else
<+MegamanX2K> do they think the mines represent sin and your
pointer is jesus
#48604 [ + | - ] 93
<Chubbzilla> omg
<Chubbzilla> MSN just offered me txt porn
<HKR|VC> !
<Chubbzilla> what the fuck is the world coming too
<Ruu> MSN isn't nearly as bad as ICQ
<Chubbzilla> no, but this is liek
<Chubbzilla> first one ever
<Chubbzilla> bcos i got the new msn messenger liek, an hour
ago
<Chubbzilla> it has great new features, liek txt porn
* HKR|VC downloads
#48601 [ + | - ] 65
<+Black_Ninja> What's the difference between the catholic
church and the national prison system?
<RedComet> you dont have to drop the soap to get it up the
ass?
<+Black_Ninja> Ans: the prisions wait until the kids are over
18 before sending them to places where they can get raped
#48600 [ + | - ] 540
*** d3 (d3@xtreme25-113.aci.on.ca) has joined #blackskies.ca
<`brad> d3
<`brad> d3
<`brad> d3
<Hat> You sunk my battleship!
#48595 [ + | - ] 208
<orion> man
<orion> fuck pints
<orion> our corner store is selling QUARTS now
<Hat> Where do you live, Ireland?
#48594 [ + | - ] 541
<VooDoo3dfx> She's a lesbian dude.
<Absolut> Really?
<VooDoo3dfx> Yeah.
<VooDoo3dfx> She's never had a guy though.
<Absolut> Once you go dick... you never go chick.
<Absolut> Oh shit
<Absolut> I didn't say that!!!
#48590 [ + | - ] 823
(AnAcOnDa): www.goatse.cx
(sd3mon): been there done that
(blackanese): done that?
#48582 [ + | - ] 150
<BenZor> I once kissed a guy for $20, but he wouldn't take $50
for a handjob :/
#48581 [ + | - ] 373
<alexs> documentation is like sex, when its good, its very
good, when its bad, its better than nothing
#48566 [ + | - ] 207
<Saiy> Pringles is the new masturbation fad
<Splat> Which must mean that Pringles is AKIN to...
<Splat> ...
<Splat> CANNED SEX!
<Ed> Pringles is the new masturbation?
<Ed> I guess now it's "Once you pop the fun stops"
#48548 [ + | - ] 408
<Vincent_T> natl: are you m/f?
<natl> Yes, I am.
#48538 [ + | - ] 260
<Liza> but.. plis.. tell to everybody that in argentina we
live.. with human rigths broken i dont know how to express
because my english is not so good help us!
<divdiv> stop complaining, you get adsl, I'd gladly give up
our human rights for adsl
#48523 [ + | - ] 497
<Caffy> I was just in my Attic and I heard a few rat's run
around and I was like, dad did you know there are rats up
here?
<Caffy> And he replied with, "It's alright, Mortin doesnt
bite"
<Caffy> WTF, MY HICK FATHER NAMED THE RAT MORTIN?!?
#48519 [ + | - ] 469
<Pikaben> Dude. I just heard my little sister shout "I'm not
naked!".
<Pikaben> Should I go check what's going on?
#48513 [ + | - ] 584
<Snoogans> oh man...I forwarded the goatse.cx site to a
shitload of people at work
<Snoogans> heeh
<Snoogans> all I heard was OH FUCK
<Catcher80> lmao
<Snoogans> it was gold
<Catcher80> where do you work?
<Snoogans> a large internet security company
<Catcher80> haha
<Catcher80> "do your security holes look like this?"
<Snoogans> I sure hope not
<Snoogans> then any homo can get in
<Snoogans> HAHAHAHAH
#48510 [ + | - ] 96
<leper> i'm a linux nub
<leper> so
<leper> do i edit that in... ?
<leper> notepad?
#48505 [ + | - ] 787
Jigglyjuff: that's worse then that peanut, butter and jelly
sandwich i hear all americans like
<CHAT MattDavis>  no
<CHAT MattDavis>  peanut butter
Jigglyjuff: oh! that makes much more sense
#48504 [ + | - ] 206
<NinjaStu> ack! Scotch Irish on my keyboard!
<NinjaStu> if i start typing funny
<NinjaStu> my keyboard is intoxicated
#48501 [ + | - ] 516
Phut: ooh
Phut: I just had an idea
Phut: I wanna save up a lot of money...... rent a billboard,
and just simply put "www.goatse.cx" on it.  Nothing else but
that.
Phut: that would own
#48500 [ + | - ] 282
<@JeffRaven> I posted a question about putting a time limit on
how long someone can be logged onto win2k
<@JeffRaven> and several people from IT departments of
companies have emailed me wondering if I found an answer
<@JeffRaven> boy they'd be shocked if they found out I'm just
a unemployed college graduate trying to limit the time of my
brother on the computer
#48488 [ + | - ] 335
cptchris F O O: i was measureing my dick and it said 10 in, i
was happy till i realized the ruler was backwards
#48472 [ + | - ] 344
abcdefg (smiley@HSE-MTL-ppp75343.qc.sympatico.ca) has
joined:  #geekissues
<datacide>[@] abcdefg
<datacide>[@] your nick sucks
<Soberguy> my friend has a cousin whose name is actually abcde
<Neon[UK]>[+] lol
<Neon[UK]>[+] bored parents?
<Soberguy> when you pronounce it like she does it actually
sounds quite cool
#48470 [ + | - ] 189
<Nazgul> my grandma got some pictures developed, and she was
showing them to me, and said that they must have accidently
one of someone else's pictures in with hers
<Nazgul> because there was a pic of a woman and man standing
beside each other with their dog
<Nazgul> and I was looking at it, and thinking weird..then
looked in the upper right hand corner and saw a flying saucer
in the sky
<Nazgul> and was like "SHIT!"
<BloodFromStone> o_o
<BloodFromStone> Don't send them back.
<Nazgul> then flipped it over and it was a promotional
advertisement thing for "Taken" on the scifi channel
* Nazgul chuckles.
#48443 [ + | - ] 87
<Smerdyakov> ... based _only_ one, I mean
<Smerdyakov> s/one/alshfsafa
<Smerdyakov> s/alshfsafa/afsaagagaskhaah
<Smerdyakov> s/afsaagagaskhaah/on