hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21105 Approved Quotes | 0 in Moderation Queue
#82074 [ + | - ] 219
<Chu-Chu-Rocket> dole's making it really hard for me to keep
my IRC window open when my mom walks by
<Foobar> just /clear
<Chu-Chu-Rocket> yeah, but that looks suspicious
<dole> dude
<dole> she just cut off the second rapist's dick
<dole> and left him to bleed in the bathtub
<dole> and he bled to death
* Chu-Chu-Rocket clears.
#82073 [ + | - ] 399
<Huan> wtf
<Huan> some guy stuck a condom over his head and is blowing on
it
<pleasant_> haha
<pleasant_> what a dick head
#82072 [ + | - ] 255
<Vexx> laptops needs a new name
<Vexx> 'cause if you keep them on your lap, it burns your
crotch.
<+winterlike> sounds like a girl i once knew
#82070 [ + | - ] 453
<Grimp> uh
<Grimp> I think my cd-rom eject si broke
<G_Reaper> Stop putting your drink on it
*** Skky joined the party line.
<Grimp> dammit
<Grimp> my cd-rom drive is dead
<Skky> that's what happens when you use it as a cup holder
#82067 [ + | - ] 951
Some cool info: Tibeten monks, after twenty years or so of
practise in the Himalaya, control their brain stem - they can
control their heart beat, blood pressure etc.  After thirty
years they can connect to the internet purely by meditation,
setting TCP stacks in their neurons and stuff.  Right now I am
chatting with a monk who is sitting naked in an ice storm on
his towel, his only possesion.  He's using ipv6.
#82064 [ + | - ] 146
<SNAILS>  I HAVE:LAPPTOP,COMPIUTERS,CELL   I NO
HAVE:CAPSLOCKKEY
#82063 [ + | - ] 78
<Cleve> my history teacher looks just like drew carey. and
just like the real drew carey, he always makes jokes that
noone laughs at
#82062 [ + | - ] 126
<RSquared> You know, now that I think of it, God did directly
influence my desire to draw...I used to doodle on the handouts
for church all the time...
#82061 [ + | - ] 209
<E|S-Darch> It's disturbing how many people in here know what
the word bukkake means...
<Hoffmann> whats a "bukkake"?
<E|S-Darch> its when like 15 guys decide to blow a load on a
girl's face
<Hoffmann> hrmm let me guess, u exprimented with it on your
little brother?
<E|S-Darch> wtf
<E|S-Darch> i fucking hate you
<Hoffmann> no dude see thats funnie
<Hoffmann> ur suppose to say lol..its not like its true
<Hoffmann> ...or is it?
#82060 [ + | - ] 128
<@A-Patriot-Missile> im gonna blow you.... up
* marley is now known as A-Scud-Missile
<+A-Scud-Missile> no
* A-Scud-Missile was kicked by A-Patriot-Missile
(DESTROYED!!!)
#82059 [ + | - ] 540
<sarcasmo> i hate it when i cant kick ppl
<sarcasmo> im twice as fast as other ops on #af
<sarcasmo> cos i i have twice as less life than they do
<sarcasmo> and therefor im in there twice as often and long
<sarcasmo> i like how i type sentances that build up to a
pyramid
<sarcasmo> and then after a while they go back slowly
<ValHeru> rofl
<sarcasmo> just as they are doing now i guess
<sarcasmo> but u kinda interrupted!
<sarcasmo> which wasnt nice
<sarcasmo> -.-
#82058 [ + | - ] -166
<KANG> darkdude?
<darkdude> yeah?
<Tobias> Whatever the fuck you want to be called.
<Tobias> He's a newbie.
<KANG> since when did we start letting black people in here?
<Tobias> Dunno.
<darkdude> dude im not black
<darkdude> :P
<KANG> sure you aren't blacky
<Tobias> You seem like it.
<darkdude> lol
<Tobias> Mr.  dark dude
<darkdude> just thought the name was OK
<KANG> I mean, the only description we have to go is "dude",
meaning you lack vagina, and "dark", obviously referring to
your skin color
<Tobias> Aye.
<Tobias> What the dying mullet said.
<darkdude> dark means happy
<darkdude> here
<darkdude> lol
<Tobias> In what?
<Tobias> Niggatown?
#82057 [ + | - ] 215
Crackuh83: i drank half a bottle of vodka.
babibuterfli: r u ok?
Crackuh83: yeah i'm fine.
babibuterfli: thats no good
Crackuh83: i was fine.
Crackuh83: didn't piss blood or anything
Crackuh83: didn't really get a hangover.
babibuterfli: still shouldn't drink that much
Crackuh83: it gives your liver super powers
babibuterfli: no it doesn't
#82056 [ + | - ] 962
(bovril): amsterdam is officially the best place ever
(doggie^): how stoned did you get?
(bovril): as stoned as an adulterous arab woman
#82055 [ + | - ] 573
<jebus2000> do muslums say OMFA?
#82053 [ + | - ] 149
<Calaveron> time to get the hose and the bucket
<Measure> you smelled that fart too?
#82050 [ + | - ] 200
<Shaun> Dammit help me with my maths homework!  Can x²+x be
simplified any further?
<Mike> Nope
<Shaun> Yeah well your mammas fat ugly and looks like a man!
<Mike> That can be simplified however
<Mike> Just say your mamma is a double for Pavaorati
#82049 [ + | - ] 24
<[eep]matt> bearing in mind all rap songs are about sex,
drugs, and how they were fucked up the arse as a child.. there
aint much to choose from
#82024 [ + | - ] 196
<gopus> what does liking big butts and not lying have to do
with each other?
<gopus> if I like big butts
<gopus> does that mean I can't lie?
#82000 [ + | - ] 365
<cams> hey look, I'm japanese
<cams> rororro
<Ferrus> hey look
<Ferrus> i'm japanese
* Ferrus flies into the side of a us destroyer
#81979 [ + | - ] 342
* Squizzle is now known as Love
* Scourge punches Love in the face.
* Love avoids Scourge forever.
<Love> (This is called an "allegory".)
<Love> (Which derives from the Greek for "Scourge will never
have a date in his life".)
#81974 [ + | - ] 133
<cyb0rgirl> what's the command for /quit ?
#81973 [ + | - ] 504
<dsfsadfa> do you guys know what would be even cooler than the
death of bush?
<SaberRider> an iraq victory ?
<SaberRider> (which is very unlikely)
<dsfsadfa> orange flavored pepsi
<Keltosh-ill> ...
<Iraq> Whoa...
<Iraq> That'd be awesome!
<dsfsadfa> i told you
#81972 [ + | - ] 605
<Quentil> uh, is anyone a little boggled by the fact that cnn
and msnbc and foxnews seem to be better equiped with stuff
than the entire nation of iraq?
<William> not realy
<Quentil> "now we go to the carrier group and watch the planes
take off.  Okay, we're gonna cut to the guy reporting that
those planes are now over this city.  Let's watch the bombs
fall live.  Okay, now we go back to the carrier and watch the
planes land.
<William> dont forget the news's armored vehicles
<Quentil> yeah
<William> which are better than Iraqs, in some cases
<Quentil> heh
<William> at least its not like Macross II, where the News
Service had a Variable Fighter
<William> If FOX had a jet fighter, something would be wrong
<William> seriously wrong
<Quentil> that would rock
<Quentil> 'Now we go live to the FOX f-15...which has shot
down three iraq jets so far...The media and gov't are so in
bed with one another for this war it almost would make sense.
<William> dont forget the FOX news broadcasting Aircraft
Carrier station.
* Quentil laughs
<William> and their "Close to the Action" Camera Tank
<Quentil> and the FOX News special ops group.
<William> "Getting News, the SEAL way."
#81971 [ + | - ] 104
<[YG]Vagabond> shilf i want you to touch my trouser trout
<Saddles|ihid> only if you touch my ankle spanker first
#81970 [ + | - ] -178
<Spider|shower> Okay, you and Holodoc got +amogv.
<HoloDoc> can I have +aybabtu?
<|NeTTy|-> ?
<The_Morph> aybabtu == All Your Base Are Belong To Us
<y0ke> All Your Base Are Belonging To Us
<The_Morph> y0ke... you're a f*cknut. You don't even know the
most famous classic engrish quote of all times.
<y0ke> hehe what is engrish ?
<The_Morph> ROTFLMAO
* y0ke slaps The_Morph around a bit with a large trout
<The_Morph> www.engrish.com
<y0ke> i thought you typoes english :)
<The_Morph> sorry y0ke, this is going to bash.org :D
#81968 [ + | - ] 18
<Virus_the_snafu> What is it with Nazis and burning things?
<Virus_the_snafu> What do you do with Books?--Burn Them! What
do you do with Jews?--Burn Them! What do you do with Disabled
People?--Burn Them! And Now Homeless?--Hey why not Burn Them!
<Kel> I think it had to do with the German's primitive state
of mind.. "hey look! I made fire! lets put it on things and
see what happens!!"
#81967 [ + | - ] 1269
<mcgruff> ever notice, that like half the quotes on bash seem
to be plucked out of conversations specifically designed to
produce quotes to submit to bash?
<cliff> i LOVE the cock
#81966 [ + | - ] 235
<comm> what did r. kelly go to jail for again?
<mcgruff> it was for fucking a 17 year old girl
<mcgruff> which to me, is only a crime
<mcgruff> if you don't enjoy yourself
#81964 [ + | - ] 231
Quit (Connection reset by Cruise Missile)
#81961 [ + | - ] 215
<Pharsalus> It would really suck if you were a siamese twin --
your other half was gay, and you were not...and you shared the
same ass..
* Pharsalus ponders
#81959 [ + | - ] 1143
<Teratogen> The French Government announced today that it is
enforcing a ban on the use of fireworks at Disneyland Paris.
The decision comes the day after a nightly fireworks display
at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused
soldiers at a nearby French army garrison to surrender to a
group of Czech tourists .
#81957 [ + | - ] 34
-:- SignOff SdBlAiNe2K3: #diradio (Quit: I am in shape. Round
is a shape.)
#81956 [ + | - ] 209
<kuribo> Deathlove, awaken!
<Deathlove> shut up!
* kuribo cries
* kuribo checks for stats
<Deathlove> I can't wait until any of you ever get laid and
have something else to fixate on.
<kuribo> yeah
<kuribo> but until that day
<kuribo> when do we get stats?
#81948 [ + | - ] 38
<@een> dude
<@een> today
<@een> i got so frustrated with this old man (took 30 minutes
to create a dial up netowrking connection) that i finally told
him that he had an ID 10 T keyboard error
<@een> and that he needed to call compaq
<@een> seriously couldn't backspace to delete out "MY
CONNECTION" or even highlight to delete
<@een> fucking id10ts
#81944 [ + | - ] 5
<alex40> this one time? in readers digest? there was this
article? about some kid sticking grass seeds in his sister's
vagina? because he wanted to make a baby?
#81930 [ + | - ] 113
<n0On3> LeftTurn, what is a 'n00b'?
<NRAninja> you
#81929 [ + | - ] 464
<U-571[ChaosFilms]> i love meh gf
<U-571[ChaosFilms]> i love saying that i have a gf
<ViPeR`> i have a gf too :D
<ViPeR`> i love her too :)
<[AoS]Albatros> YEAH I HAVE A GEFORCE TOO AND I LOVE THAT
GRAPHICS CARD gawddamnit
<U-571[ChaosFilms]> my gf is a real person alba, not some
piece of hardware thats shocks the shit out of your dick when
it gives you head
<[AoS]Albatros> Nice idea
<[AoS]Albatros> brb
#81928 [ + | - ] -37
[Creeping Death] what's drum n bass? techno shit?
#81927 [ + | - ] 549
<[4]Ma909>    12R 14olling  12o 14n  12t 14he  12f 14loor  12L
14aughing  12L 14oud  12F 14alling  12D 14own  12T 14he  12S
14tairs  12I 14n  12T 14he  12K 14eller  12S 14tösst  12S
14ich  12T 14he  12S 14chädel  12O 14n  12T 14he  12F
14ußboden  12b 14richt  12s 14ich  12a 14lle  12b 14eine  12u
14nd  12d 14er  12k 14rankenwagen  12k 14ommt  12n 14et
<[4]Ma909> neeiiinnnnn!!!!!!!!
<[4]Ma909> fuck
* [4]Ma909 (_4_Ma909@p508741A9.dip0.t-ipconnect.de) Quit
<RurouniJones> What the bloody hell
#81925 [ + | - ] 97
<@neko> "what ?, no, theres no eye-rakee's here, just us
iraqi's..."
#81923 [ + | - ] 298
-=- BetaBugz
[~BetaBugz@cpe-24-197-113-011.spart.sc.charter.com] has joined
#slashdot
-=- BetaBugz
[~BetaBugz@cpe-24-197-113-011.spart.sc.charter.com] has quit #
slashdot [Quit: Client exiting]
-=- BetaBugz
[~BetaBugz@cpe-24-197-113-011.spart.sc.charter.com] has joined
#slashdot
-=- BetaBugz
[~BetaBugz@cpe-24-197-113-011.spart.sc.charter.com] has quit #
slashdot [Quit: Client exiting]
-=- BetaBugz
[~BetaBugz@cpe-24-197-113-011.spart.sc.charter.com] has joined
#slashdot
< Chage> revolving door.
#81922 [ + | - ] 117
<^10acious^> u live in germany and as such have an endless
supply of porn
<bvark> I actually bought a DVD called 'Granny cunts'
yesterday
<bvark> I give the best leaving presents
<^10acious^> u have issues
#81921 [ + | - ] 1084
<Mak> Aimee, well that's your opinion, and I have my opinion
about you. I don't bring my opinion up, so I'd love it if in
return you'd do the same, if only for common courtesy :)
<Aimee> I'd love to hear your opinion about me hon.
<Aimee> Perhaps you could write a book?
<Aimee> and name it "Things Aimee doesn't care about, by
Makat"
<Mak> Chapter 1: Other people
#81920 [ + | - ] 108
<meatpuppet> is there like a special procedure for making sure
that the porno dvds come back clean?
<meatpuppet> im that much less likely to borrow dvd porn from
my local video store now
#81919 [ + | - ] 147
Celeron-Master: Is it a bad sign when you call graphiti spam?
#81918 [ + | - ] 207
(Mr_Mofo) Corn Bread is teaching me flash, and he says:
(Mr_Mofo) <cornbread> Have you got any cloves of garlic lying
around in your house? If you don't, use an onion for this next
step.
(burkey) Whats wrong with that? Garlic is an essential part of
Flash.
(burkey) Onion gives inferior results.
(cornbread) See? burkey knows =/
(burkey) If you don't know that, I'm gueesin you must be a
n00b of some sorts. Your not a n00b, are you? o_O
&#8226; Suave sighs, and curses himself after wasting money on
those 3 bags of onions.
(Burning) i use tabasco sauce instead
(bigwurm) cornbread: you also need some diced roma tomatoes
and mushrooms. you must have mushrooms
(cornbread) Nah, just using the basic method for now.
#81917 [ + | - ] 355
<Tetsuo> I've given up doubting the search phrases you say
people find your site by. You can't possibly make stuff that
stupid up.
<CommanderStab> Oh yeh?! Check this joke out for size!
<Tetsuo> Oh Lord, what have I done now? ^_-
<CommanderStab> "What's the difference between a tax cheat and
a corpse?"
<CommanderStab> "One's a Fed Ducker, and the other's a..."
<CommanderStab> ...Shit, I forgot how it ends.....
<Tetsuo> I take it all back.
#81916 [ + | - ] 609
<[FYAD]Chem-Commando> hey guys
<[FYAD]Chem-Commando> a man with dark skin just picked up my
television and went out the door
<C_Cardigan> reparations for slavery
<C_Cardigan> not a thing you can do
#81914 [ + | - ] 50
<Mr_Milkman> i just found some metal shavings and shredded rim
tape inside my wheel
<Mr_Milkman> i've no idea why i didn't get puntures
<Mr_Milkman> time to go buy some rim tape i think
<olly> heeeheeheee "rim tape" heeheehee