<sherlock_holmes|eating> heh, so i an anatomoy paper due yesterday, and when i was babysitting last week i asked if they wouldn't mind if i usede their comp <sherlock_holmes|eating> the dad said yea, so i asked if he had a filter for adult material turned on. he got a suspicious look in his eye and i told him that filters also block out non-pr0n related material, and since i'm doing an anatomy paper, it'd block out words that anatomy sites use, like penis or vagina <sherlock_holmes|eating> he said he'd turn it off on the condition that i would promise not to use it for pr0n and i said 'nah, i took care of that before i came over' and we both kind of chuckled <sherlock_holmes|eating> needless to say his wife was saying good-bye to the kid in the next room and they could hear me and not 10 minutes later i'm at home just wondering why my timid masturbation joke did more damage to that kids inner psyche than his mom calling me a filthy bastard who should rot in hell right in front of the little guy in that high annoying voice that women get... <ssj_gotensama> lol, you were gonna use it for wankin weren't ya <sherlock_holmes|eating> no that's the thing, i wasn't... i brought over anal invaders 2 for when the kid went to sleep, you can track web surfing history, you can't track what videos you put in the vcr <ssj_gotensama> well i guess the worst part is your out of an 8 buck an hour job <sherlock_holmes|eating> no the worst part is i left my anatomy book over at their place and i don't have the balls to go over and ask for it =(
(Axis): oh shit, i set a timer and now i can't turn it off (Axis): how the hell do you turn it off (@Zaphod): type /timers (@Zaphod): you will be told the timer number (@Zaphod): like * Timer 2 /do something (@Zaphod): then type /timer2 off (@Zaphod): notice, no space after timer (Axis): okay but it's still beepinng (Axis): it says there is no active timers (@Zaphod): Ahh, you didnt type / beep <number> did you ? (Axis): but IT'S STILL BEEPING! AAAAGH! (Axis): yeah, i did (Axis): is that bad (@Zaphod): what was the number you typed? (Axis): 39482034 i think, something like that (@Zaphod): lol - it aint stopping till it beeps that many times (Axis): well shit
<Valqorez> I heard a strange commercial on the radio at work today.... <Valqorez> "Treat yourself to a facial and raise money for charity at the same time." <Valqorez> I was like "What is this, a sponsored bukkake?" <Foz> hahaha <Valqorez> My manager gave me a long, funny look. <Foz> lol. I didn't think many people knew that word <Valqorez> Maybe she speaks Japanese.... <Valqorez> Odd thing was, all I could do was shrug and and say "What?" <Foz> I know that look
<MB|Linux> so Python is a good language to start out with? <Mike|Linux> heh sure <Mike|Linux> That's what I am doing right now.. Or breaking another part of linux. ;) <MB|Linux> I rememeber the old Tandy/Commodore basic :) <MB|Linux> lol <MB|Linux> Cool <MB|Linux> 10 do this <MB|Linux> 20 do that <MB|Linux> 30 do this again <MB|Linux> 40 run <MB|Linux> 50 go fuck yourself <MB|Linux> lol <MB|Linux> 60 go get some food, this will take awhile. <MB|Linux> Hmmm
<realmockturtle> i need to get <realmockturtle> my nipples eyebrow and tonuge pierced <realmockturtle> because apparently <realmockturtle> that goes over well <realmockturtle> oh yeah <realmockturtle> not being a fatass would help too <realmockturtle> but i can't solve that with a needle and a hoop
<pLADASK> since people do not care about my alcohol-problems, im sure johnny cash is off topic as well
<s_> my brother put signs up where the bathrooms are <s_> because i pissed in the hallway last night
<Mephistol> irn and I have a proposal for you <Invizigo> really? <Mephistol> yes <Invizigo> tell me <Mephistol> its along the lines of 'wnt 2 cibur'
<ConqSoft> I don't like tan lines myself. <ConqSoft> I can find all the good parts of a woman on my own, without the help of color-coding.
<Nermal> the only way I could secure windows was by putting bars over my monitor
<aleisha_van> all of the puppets in the thunderbirds look vaguely like ernest borgnine. even the women. it's unnerving.
<Ab0mination> I sleep on a bunk bed yeah, which is only accessbile by a ladder and last night I must've been dreaming or something because I woke up screaming about my ladder being taken off my bed so I couldn't get down <Ab0mination> And I dreamt that there was a badger sleeping at the end of the bed <Ab0mination> So in sheer terror I jumped from my bunkbed down onto the floor at 3am. <Ab0mination> I've now got to go to the vet to get my cat checked out because I landed right on him as he was sleeping on my floor and squashed him. (he's a deaf fuckwit) <Ab0mination> My parents and sisters are not speaking to me. <Ab0mination> Because they found me kneeling down beside the limp cat yelling manically at it and waggling my fingers at it like the Borg of Star Trek do. <Ab0mination> Apparently I was screaming: "I am Locutus of Borg. You will be assimilated. Resistance is futile".
[@CadWork] I used to be afraid to eat bananas at the office because we had a known homosexual in my dept
<SpitZ> this sms was sent by a friend of mine <SpitZ> Sally mr. pls,2wedding <SpitZ> What's that supposed to mean? <crazhee> i think it read as "Sally mist'er period. please comma to wedding"
<ExS> McDonalds <ExS> "Mick-Don-Ulds" <ExS> A handy substitute for food, in the same way that piss is a handy substitute for fresh drinking water. <ExS> Dude: "Why are you holding a turd in your hand? OH MY GOD, DON'T PUT THAT TURD IN YOUR MOUTH!!!!" <ExS> Other dude: "It's McDonalds." <ExS> Dude: "Oh! Can I have a bite?"
Kiache Majere: Hey, want to go see a movie later? Kiache Majere: Do you suck cock? Der Zwitter Affe: yes Der Zwitter Affe: shit i mean yes to the movies
<bfdd> i heard the mcdonalds commerical say special sauce <bfdd> and i thought "ill give em some special sauce" <kcl822> heh <bfdd> and then i realized <bfdd> i was talking dirty to a tv commerical <bfdd> and felt ashamed of myself
<@|KFG|Candle[DDD]> im from uganda <@cylyk> interesting <@cylyk> i'm canadian! <@|KFG|Candle[DDD]> actually im not from uganda <@|KFG|Candle[DDD]> where is canada? <@swolf> its an american expansion pack
<AnaloG-KiD|EatingIsDope> icy has a personality? <Prince_C> yeah its called a down syndrome
<ToiletDuc> I remember when I first came to the realization that I was a geek.... I came home from working on a router lab all day at school, picked up the phone, and dialed the IP address for Router C
<Ali_> no canadian cars eh? <Egg_> no <Egg_> i don't think there's a canadian made car <Egg_> lol <Egg_> that would be cool if there was <Egg_> we'd have shitty animal names though <Egg_> like the Ford Canadian Goose <Egg_> or the Chevy Beaver <Egg_> man <Egg_> i'd so drive a Chevy Beaver
<Terra> there i was at a donkey stall, there was a sign there saying in english : would u like to ride on your own ass? <Terra> so i was like ?? <UPC_Nemo> Like? <UPC_Nemo> Did you ride the badass assride? <zuhrich_> lol
<The_Defiance> who cares... i mean really, illiterate people on a text based chat program would be almost as bizarre as a blind optician <My3blka> Def, it's commonplace, it's called AOL
<jgannon> Quicktime 0wnz... if you have a Mac. :-) <PatrickD> so where can I go to download a Mac? ;-) <jgannon> PatrickD: www.goatse.cx <jgannon> Wow... I haven't said THAT in a long time. <PatrickD> somehow that version of the Mac never worked well for me <jgannon> Yeah... too many wide open ports.
*** Antiarc is now known as Antiarrrrrrc <Bloody_Davy_Flint> How's it going Antiarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrc? <Antiarrrrrrc> Arr, there be a steering wheel in me crotch! <screevo> Doesnt that hurt? <Antiarrrrrrc> Aye! It's drivin' me nuts!
<Eyal> i've been having a dilemma <Eyal> what are better to play with <Eyal> boobs or balls? <Fidel-> boobs <hex-> boobs <Eyal> i mean, when they're yours <Fidel-> balls <hex-> balls
<@Shively> my last college had a guy who was smearing feces on the bathroom walls <+PickleHead> ewww <@Shively> yea well the guy at our college was becomming so popular that the student goverment put an article out on him <+PickleHead> have you seen the book called Brown spots on the walls by "hooflung pooh"? <+PickleHead> :P <@Shively> he said he would stop if he could have a spot for somehting he wanted to say <@Shively> so they gave it to him and he defended it as an art form <+PickleHead> LMAO <+PickleHead> you can't be serious <@Shively> saying that feces drawn on walls is an expression of fecal art <@Shively> so <+PickleHead> ...................................... <+PickleHead> fecal... art.... <@Shively> the janitors responded with their own article
<FireEgl> so hurngy =( <tito> why don't you eat your dick? <tito> heh <FireEgl> I need something more filling.
<The_Kirbinator> 3000 mexicans dies yesterday........ 5 car pile-up on the I-10
<Legion> touching yourself leeds to blindness <beej> heh, and spellin problems, apparently <beej> ...omfg
<poppycat> well..I dont have a vibrator any more but yes...he was called mister buzzy and he used to squirm and vibrate across the floor at great speed <kirsy> you let your vibrator play on the floor? <poppycat> yes..I didnt get much out of using it so I decided to let it amuse me by racing it <Yasui> "GO MR BUZZY! beat that other vibrator! you can do it! "
<Da_Wrecka> The guns cost £10. Considering the guns can be used in other games too that's not bad at all. <SLowry05> yeah wtf is that thing in front of hte numbers <Da_Wrecka> And it's still cheap. <Da_Wrecka> It's called a "pound sign" <SLowry05> oh you're chinese?
jason: i used to always get free pizza hut for reading books and shit :o/ jason: my family depended on my book reading to provide dinner
<Ariakas> What's white, black, and red all over and has difficulty passing through a revolving door? <Dolands> A nun with a spear through her head!
<Ariakas> HAHAHA <Ariakas> Look what happened on my MUD <Ariakas> SylphW leaps into the Lynx fighting stance. <Ariakas> MyAss slinks into the Ferret fighting stance. <Ariakas> SylphW's strike does UNSPEAKABLE THINGS to MyAss!
<fade> Dear France, <fade> Bite Me <fade> Signed, <fade> Fade <Queued> Dear Fade, <Queued> We surrender <Queued> Love, <Queued> France
* RE_away just taped himself waving a broomstick and changed it into a lightsaber with the help of Video Editing Software <RE_away> How productive <RE_away> Now to do the same thing with my penis
<YuFFie> SO U HACKING ME THEN HUH <YuFFie> WElL I GOT NEWS FOR U MISTER I GOT MORE FIREWALL POWERS NOW SO IM SECURE AND IM USING WINDOWS 98 SO IM REALLY SECURE FROM HACKERS LIKE YOU SO YOU BETTA JUST GIVE UP CUZ U GOT NO HOPE MISTER. * YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) Quit (Quit: Owned.) * YuFFie (~mirc@3B942731.dsl.stlsmo.swbell.net) has joined # <YuFFie> HELP MY MOUSE IS MOVING BY IT SELF
<crhyme> I made a windchime out of used condoms <soop> does it go "slap phlap wap" <soop> in the wind? <sunrinse> crhyme: sounds more slappy than chimey <soop> or does it more of an aromatherapy thing <crhyme> well its mostly just for style <crhyme> its also a great way to dry out your condoms
<Nate> The Americans spent 5 years and 10 million dollars to develope a pen that would write in space, freezing cold, extreme heat, and in zero gravity. <Nate> The Russians used a pencil
buservt: I was trying to find a tape downstairs, and I have diarhea, and I had to shit really bad, and I saw a copy of austin powers, and there was a picture of fat bastard on it when he is trying to eat mini me, and I thought (in fat bastards voice) "stay in my butthole" and I laughed so hard I shit all over myself buservt: another pair of shorts ruined
<padnaebaen> fuck me i love irc <spanky> yes, its the distilled essence of humanity <spanky> without the odour
<AGaeris> And what were you doing? Oh yeah. Cybering. <AGaeris> CYBERING LIKE RABBITS WITHOUT A CAUSE.
<khanjackalmoreau> i knew a kid who dressed up as a goth leprechaun for halloween <khanjackalmoreau> all black outfit, with a grayscale rainbow, and a pot full of cure albums
<Dracon> I saw a mormon crash his bike into a power pole <Dracon> that was grand :D <NaKeD> LOL <html> heHaHehAHehAeh :D <Dracon> I walked past and said "Not even God saw that one coming... well done tiger!"
<fruchtig> Doctors are so evil. They tell you to get in a certain position, hide behind a wall, and let YOU soak up a few x-rays. The doctor thinks, "Just stay there while I go hide behind this wall and press this button for a moment while hysterically laughing at you." And then you see that radioactive symbol on the machine surrounding your head and think, "Oh joy!"