hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21103 Approved Quotes | 0 in Moderation Queue
#395859 [ + | - ] 996
<KTP> If I ever get a hot girl pregnant I'm going to hit her
stomach with a shovel
<KTP> And just start yelling "NO! BAD HOT GIRL!"
<KTP> Because thats how you have to treat them
<KTP> Or else they won't learn
<ib> That's cruel.  Isn't it bad enough that she's blind?
#395849 [ + | - ] 206
freezingplanet85: How long Is your robo wang?
SmarterChild: Very long.
freezingplanet85: Stupid bot.
#395843 [ + | - ] 265
<Saiyanfire> THINK ABOUT IT
<Saiyanfire> NORMAL PPL DONT GET OFF TO TOON FU*KING
<Nexus> u might be right......i'll stick to dragons...
<[256][FIN]HorribleGoat> WE'RE NOT NORMAL PEOPLE
<[256][FIN]HorribleGoat> now where did that horse go...
#395834 [ + | - ] 234
<Syzygy> My cock needed some fresh air
Vlad » OH
Vlad » that reminds me....
Vlad » brb
#395828 [ + | - ] 484
<pL|DarKobra> oO_
<pL|Kala-Raksha> OMG A MUTANT!
#395803 [ + | - ] 189
<weasel> she likes it when you touch her feet
<Zoidy> Im not touching no ones feet
<Zoidy> only my own
* jessica is now known as my_own
<my_own> touch me baby
<my_own> oooh yeah....
#395683 [ + | - ] 168
TransCanadaTrail: they keep refering to this asl character
J: dont make me reach through the computer and slap you >_<
#395677 [ + | - ] 623
<InuYasha> I have no friends
<InuYasha> FINE
<InuYasha> SCREW YOU GUYS
<-- InuYasha has quit (Exit: Do illiterate people get the full
effect of alphabet soup?)
<Urch> I give him a minute
<Urch> 3
<Urch> 2
<Urch> 1
--> InuYasha (thegreg@dm-33299.kc.rr.com) has joined #
bobandgeorge
<InuYasha> I forgot my wallet
* InuYasha grabs it
<-- InuYasha has quit (Exit: Do illiterate people get the full
effect of alphabet soup?)
#395670 [ + | - ] 209
<FrozenBeefLog> hey lets all make sexual symbols
<Slicey> 8==e
<FrozenBeefLog> 8======*
<FrozenBeefLog> hah mines bigger
<Slicey> yours has an exploded end
#395664 [ + | - ] 292
<Spydie> ive been playing games too much, when i close my eyes
i see gun fights
<NuGgEt|mIRC> i see naked men
#395661 [ + | - ] 295
<Sheena> me = ho
<Sheena> t
<Sheena> OMg...worse typo ever
#395657 [ + | - ] 598
<Syberia> FUCK i'm dead
<Syberia> i was flirting with this 15 y/o chick i met on halo
<Syberia> she went to use the little girls' room
<Syberia> her 11 y/o sis walked in and saw what she was doing
<Syberia> got her mom, who read the whole MSN convo
<Syberia> she starts talking to me, telling me her daughter's
only 12
<Syberia> you'd think she'd get pissed at her daughter but no,
now someone's mom who i don't even know in ohio now knows my
phone # and thinks i'm a pedophile
<SirChris> dude, chicks don't play halo
#395656 [ + | - ] 272
* nickname has joined #mp3friendschat
<nickname>  word
<+bobbbit10>  excel?
<+Davman>  rofl
#395652 [ + | - ] 178
DClick: I don't want your goddamn penis pills! I don't even
have a penis!
#395648 [ + | - ] 220
IAmOsomo4000: now who is stupid or non intellegeint now
#395631 [ + | - ] 149
omg omg wtf n00b: y'know what's hilarious?
omg omg wtf n00b: when people boast about what they do on the
internet
omg omg wtf n00b: "omg im so drunk right now i had like 20
captain morgans"
omg omg wtf n00b: and "omg im gonna get laid tonight its gonna
be amazing"
Americandude23: yeah.  thats why i dont use irc.
#395624 [ + | - ] 390
<mowgli> Nicolai why are your faces allways backwards?
<Nicolai> what? ._o
<Mertek> He's european. It seems like everyone I've ever met
from Europe has used backwards smileys.
<Mertek> There's no other way to do D: though.
<mowgli> : D
<Spazmo> :D != D:
<Spazmo> I got laid :D She had herpes D:
#395623 [ + | - ] 277
<Kanako> That's right kids. Unlike most of the Linux solutions
out there, Cinelerra requires no emulation of proprietary
operating systems, no commercial add-ons, no banner
advertizements, no corporate dependancies, no terrorists, just
pure, raw, hot blooded Linux boxes.
<Kanako> ^--- It does, however, require walking through hell,
fighting Satan himself, and saving the princess in the other
room.
<Neo1337> Just to find out the princess is in another
castle...
#395607 [ + | - ] 407
DaLady Firestorm: and drinking my tea
Laketh 69: teabag?
DaLady Firestorm: I like tea
DaLady Firestorm: and yes, there is a tea bag in my drink
right now
Laketh 69: lol
DaLady Firestorm: why do you ask
Laketh 69: .......
Laketh 69: teabag ;(
DaLady Firestorm: do I want to know
DaLady Firestorm: what's the fixation with teabag
Laketh 69: is when you stick your balls into a girls mouth
DaLady Firestorm: did you have a pet tebag...
DaLady Firestorm: ...ah...
DaLady Firestorm: okay, that explains it
DaLady Firestorm: ew...
Laketh 69: duh
Laketh 69: and u like teabags
DaLady Firestorm: I like tea
DaLady Firestorm: not the bags
DaLady Firestorm: or sacs
DaLady Firestorm: or whatever
Laketh 69: the bags make the tea
DaLady Firestorm: I like what comes out of the tea bags
DaLady Firestorm: oh, wait a second
#395602 [ + | - ] 292
<Kingsford> who is Psytrox?
<Turori> rejis's date
<Kingsford> an IRC date?
<Cockbill_Street> right
<Kingsford> you guys should go to #movies
<Kingsford> and then, out to #dinner
<Kingsford> and later, #backseatofthecar
<Rejistania> Are you implying that I should get a life?
<Cockbill_Street> you've found that out on your own. ;)
#395596 [ + | - ] 853
<Beta> WTF is an Acronym ?
<Zethy> yes it is...
#395577 [ + | - ] 177
Iridium24: well my lady friend seemed excited to get my number
so we'll see
DogmaticLaw99: lol
DogmaticLaw99: see what she looks like when youre sober
Iridium24: i was DD friday night
DogmaticLaw99: ahh
Iridium24: but i totally know what you mean
Iridium24: a year ago feb when i had just turned 21
Iridium24: omg i dont know what the fuck i was thinking
Iridium24: she had this GIANT birth mark across her face
DogmaticLaw99: lol
Iridium24: i didnt notice until i called her up the next day
and i picked her up for a date
Iridium24: i almost went "holy shit what happened to your
face!"
Iridium24: and then i saw some pictures and she has clearly
had it all her life
Iridium24: i was like omg, how many drinks did i have last
night!
DogmaticLaw99: thats sad bro
Iridium24: In conclusion i go to dance clubs sober now
#395528 [ + | - ] 564
(@[UGP]SirSteam) ITS ALL FUCKING FUNNY TIL YOU ARE MARRIED
(@[UGP]SirSteam) THEN THE LAUGHTER FUCKING ENDS GENTLEMEN
(@[UGP]SirSteam) BE WARNED
(@[UGP]SirSteam) oh hi honey i was just talkin to the gu
?? quit: ([UGP]SirSteam) (~ssmith@SirScoots.user.gamesnet)
(Read error: EOF from client)
#395527 [ + | - ] 595
<Revolution_Man> I want to be launched out of my coffin at my
funeral.
<RandomMan> hahah
<Inferno> Liar.
<Revolution_Man> With a tape recording attached to the body
saying "I'M STILL ALIVE, CATCH ME!"
#395507 [ + | - ] 144
<chewy> has anybody an idea where to get torrents of german
simpsons episodes?
<Whacko> germany
#395262 [ + | - ] 661
krlgol2: Microsoft has also managed to upset women and entire
countries. A Spanish-language version of Windows XP, destined
for Latin American markets, asked users to select their gender
between "not specified," "male" or "bitch," because of an
unfortunate error in translation.
#395195 [ + | - ] 800
<_dk-> I just grabbed a couple pretzels and sat down at the
computer... I bit in to one and realized that not only was it
stale, but I wasn't really all that hungry to begin with. But
I was too lazy to get up and toss them in the trash, so I ate
them anyway... I wonder just how many of the Seven Deadly Sins
that qualifies me for...
#394935 [ + | - ] 499
<ThaNoise> you know i saw something funny last night. an asian
guy wearing a jerry rice jersey. was it wrong of me to laugh
at an asian persion with "RICE" printed on the back of his
shirt?
#394892 [ + | - ] 919
* Quits: FuTar0 (Quit: and /part were sitting in a tree and /
part fell off, who was left?)
#394480 [ + | - ] 1139
<@NeoMinder> Hey cloud! Get off my you!
<nightrunner> You ate paint chips as a kid, didn't you?
<@NeoMinder> you mean wall candy?
#394302 [ + | - ] 22
Ross81: my fingers smell like pussy for some reason
Battlepoet: uh
Ross81: I wonder if mcdonalds has added different spices to
their friends and mcnuggets
Battlepoet: o.0
Ross81: fries rather
Battlepoet: good thing I've got wendy's coming instead
#394279 [ + | - ] -38
(long conversation about a problem goes here)
<Yttak> So, what you want me to do now ? It still doesnt work
!!!
<TheMTZ> ok - i got the ultimate solution for you now - it
will solve it 100 pct.
<Yttak> Cool, tell me !
<TheMTZ> Unplug all the cords, put the PC back into the box
and bring it back to where you bought it.
<Yttak> You mean its broken ? What should i tell them when
they ask ?
<TheMTZ> Tell them you are too god damn stupid to own a
computer and get the money back.
* Quits: Yttak (Yttak@xxx.xxx.xxx.xxx)
#394101 [ + | - ] 611
<Nique> *eyes spam* 'Supersize your penis.' Does that come
with fries?
<kymscrazy> I want a chocolate shake with mine.
<Foenix> I just want no lettuce.
* GeekRyuu (Ryuu@12.5.124.207) has joined #subcafe
<GeekRyuu> Hi!
<GeekRyuu> How is every little thing?
<Foenix> We were just talking about supersizing them.
#393904 [ + | - ] 136
<D1> ugh
<D1> they put me on lithium!
<sorbix> did they perscribe you batteries
<D1> not yet.
<D1> but who knows what they'll give me next time.
#393869 [ + | - ] 430
<imanz> sorry about my server il get it up
* absynthe wonders where she's heard THAT before...
#393812 [ + | - ] 1062
<tegu> WANNA PLAY IRC TIC TAC TOE?
<tegu> 1 2 3
<slip> K
<tegu> 4 5 6
<tegu> 7
<tegu> erm
<slip> LOL
<tegu> 1 2 3
<tegu> 4 5 6
<tegu> 7 8 9
<tegu> you go first
<slip> 1
<tegu> 5
<tegu> UR TURN
<slip> 4
<tegu> 7
<slip> 3
<tegu> 2
<slip> 9
<tegu> 8 gg
<slip> gg
#393802 [ + | - ] 329
<_blackcat> in the bash how do I get it so that it will show
the all the dirs in a different color?
<octalpuss> i believe that's the --gay option
#393714 [ + | - ] 365
310||slackerr: man, they shut off the water in our building
310||slackerr: its gonna be off the entire day
510||joey: that SUCKS@
310||slackerr: the worst part is that i took a shit before i
knew it was off
#393703 [ + | - ] 522
<EvolvEarth> /nickserv identify iloveanal
<EvolvEarth> FUCK
<kupo> How did you know my password?!
#393641 [ + | - ] 424
isotec: so my dad decides to be nice and put a chocolate on
top of my LCD monitor (its one of thoes ones with booze in it
isotec: so i come by l8r and im like cool
isotec: i pick it up as as i do so it starts to drip on the
top of the monitor and some booze leaks out
isotec: im thinking well that was totaly smart dad now i have
whisky or somthing and chocolate oozing around up there
isotec: but im like hey cant let that chocolate go to waste
isotec: i start to lick up the tasty mess and when im in mid
lick my dad walks in and is like "Jesus son, i know you many
like your computer but this is just rediculous!"
#393623 [ + | - ] 33
<[foreel]Torisutamu> Warning!
<[foreel]LagginTimes> Warning: The following commercial may
not be suited for young children.
<[foreel]LagginTimes> Tired of watching college girls run
around like morons and take off their clothes?
<[foreel]LagginTimes> Of course you're not!
<[foreel]Torisutamu> Tired of those same old girls at those
same beaches? We thought not!
<[foreel]Torisutamu> Fucker beat me to it
#393574 [ + | - ] 775
[sides] the other day my aunt and cousins were over my house
for the night and them and my family were in the living room
[sides] some how we started talking about pamela anderson. my
sister was like "well it's not like she's in porn or anything"
[sides] and they were all arguing over if she's in porn or
not.
[sides] I wasn't really paying attention because I was trying
to fix my dad's computer, which is in the same room. but I
heard them talking about porn so I listened up
[sides] and when my sister said "no she's never been in a real
porn or anything"
[sides] I spoke up and said "oh yes she has!"
[sides] everyone looks at me funny and I hadn't realized what
I did wrong yet and my dad's like "how do you know that?"
[sides] so I just got up and went upstairs.
#393563 [ + | - ] -333
<JoeDawson> "Tour De France Winner Lance Armstrong was
stripped of his title after 3 substances banned by the french
were found in his hotel room"
<KloA> haha
<JoeDawson> The three banned substances... Deoderant,
Toothepaste, and soap.
<JoeDawson> *rimshot*
<JoeDawson> HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
* JoeDawson TEH FUNNAY
#393554 [ + | - ] 1771
<watashi-wa>necrophilia is dead boring
<chersucks> wtf?!?
<watashi-wa>try incest instead
<watashi-wa>it's only relatively boring :p
#393507 [ + | - ] 45
<neekohh> eh, where should i go?
<tzigaite> gamespot by target might give you more
<neekohh> gamespot is that place near target right
#393451 [ + | - ] 438
* elisteran subscribes seriumu to spamlists
<elisteran> would you rather get nigerian 419 scams, or hawt
lesbian pr0n ?
<Pavel> elisteran: As if the two were mutually exclusive.
<elisteran> Dear Mr. Smith, my name is Motoba Kwambe, and I am
legal counsel representing the family of the late Prime
Minister of Nigeria, Bouncy Bubbles. Her nude coed widow has
the opportunity to retrieve $15 million stashed away in a bank
account, but needs a US citizen to ...
<Pavel> elisteran: That works.
#393357 [ + | - ] 387
<Jetsuo> Ew, Ashlee Simpson is #1 on the Billboards. Jetsuo
must go kill a kitten now.
<KitBoxPocket> Jetsuo: every time you kill a kitten, God
masturbates.
<Jetsuo> lmao
<KitBoxPocket> You dont want God flogging his holy log, do
you?
<Nyschashi-Seikun> when god ejaculates, it snows
<KitBoxPocket> Oh, snow day, sweet
<Jetsuo> and when God craps?
<KitBoxPocket> A republican is elected
<Jetsuo> XD
<KitBoxPocket> "Mommy! Mommy! Every time a Republican gets
elected, it means God just had a really great shit!'
#393323 [ + | - ] 129
<Obiwan> Koreans are kicking ass at men's all around
gymnastics...
<Obiwan> ....don't ask why I'm watching men's gymnastics....
<Nimdae> you like their tight asses
<Obiwan> well they don't show ass that much
<Obiwan> their pants are too loose
<Obiwan> sigh
<Obiwan> actually I turned it on and I saw a korean.
<Nimdae> you just proved you are watching their asses
#393304 [ + | - ] 950
[2nd_law_of_thermodynamics] why are the vaginas always blurred
out in hentai?
[dsgasdsa] vaginas can bend light
[dsgasdsa] 'the black hole'
[2nd_law_of_thermodynamics] they must do it just to piss me
off
[dsgasdsa] it's because you should be focusing on their
personality
[dsgasdsa] shallow cunt
#393241 [ + | - ] 588
<Matt-san> Over the hill women have experience. :)
<Kataclysm> And saggy boobz
<Matt-san> They flop back and forth like mudflaps.
<Kataclysm> Thank you for the lovely visual, Matt.
<Raiden> Its like when you go to the nursing home
<Raiden> and say "SHOW ME YOUR TITS"
<Kataclysm> I'm going to kill you now. Please don't take it
personal.
<Raiden> and they take off their pants