hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21103 Approved Quotes | 0 in Moderation Queue
#653295 [ + | - ] 809
<lostmx89> ok i like this torrent thing but when you turn off
your computer how do you make sure it is still downlowding
#653227 [ + | - ] 420
Kristopolous: I don't think we should have thermometers,
speedometers, or odometers.
Kristopolous: This is America damn it!
Kristopolous: Thermofeet, speedofeet, and odofeet for me,
thank you very much!
#653125 [ + | - ] 375
<Royall> Hey everyone, did you know it's illegal to destroy
coins or bills?
<Royall> Those are the govenment's, they are just lending it
to you.
<Monstro> Which means they can take it back at any moment!
<Royall> Yea
<Royall> It's called tax.
#653097 [ + | - ] 675
lprocks: can you link me to a place that i can download roms?
Kow: www.google.com
lprocks: der i tried and it kept taking me to different sites
#653083 [ + | - ] 634
<SSmith> Wow, I was just watching this porno, and the people
in it had the same monitor as I used to
#652870 [ + | - ] 173
<Gargoyle> seriously, between dance dance whatthefuck,
singstar, and now this, what the fuck is actually wrong with
asian people?
<Gargoyle> I blame the americans, after all the japanese
people are the only ones to have ever been nuked
#652858 [ + | - ] 336
<Forcepath> i need advice!
<Forcepath> on second thought: asking for advice in IRC is one
of the classic movie blunders...
#652817 [ + | - ] 663
mysteryparabola3 : at work today, my boss and another guy were
talking about their status on the computer
mysteryparabola3 : and my boss say "oh crap, i'm Amber"  and
the other guy says "yeah, i used to be Amber"
mysteryparabola3 : and i said "yeah, before the operation"
mysteryparabola3 : he just stared at me
#652810 [ + | - ] 473
<Kiell> My system clock is gaining one minute every twelve
hours.
<Kiell> As a result, I'm completing tasks slightly quicker
than normal.
<Kiell> I don't like it.
#652730 [ + | - ] 599
<heywood_jablomi> A lady came in today with her resume written
down on notebook paper by hand and asked me if I could help
her "copy and paste it onto the internet."
<my_smelly_funk> lmao
<heywood_jablomi> It was 4:30-ish and I leave at 5, so I told
her to hold it up against her monitor for about 45 mins and it
would copy itself onto the internet.
#652626 [ + | - ] 424
<-- djjkotze_home has quit (Quit: setlife -> work())
<lordvetinari> that's not only sad, but syntactically
incorrect
#652619 [ + | - ] 611
<Commander> whoa that's not good
<Commander> the end of my mobile plug (plugged into the USB
port on my PC) was sitting in the side of a potplant IN WATER
<Commander> i pulled it out and it said "new usb device found"
<Commander> =/
<Commander> dunno how long it's been sitting there for
<CompHobbyist> new USB device found: potted plant v.001
<CompHobbyist> power usage for this device: -10W
#652472 [ + | - ] 865
<Jlax> So we were watching this D.A.R.E. video in health
<Jlax> and they did that thing that they always do.
<Jlax> You know, when they're like,
<Jlax> "If you smoke, THIS will happen to YOU!"
<Jlax> And then they show a picture of a black person.
#652454 [ + | - ] 951
<godgrrl43> killing babies before they're born is murder!
<azlo335> I think abortions should be allowed up until two
years after the baby is born
<greggk> the splatter pattern on the wall is more satisfying
after they're out anyway
** godgrrl143 has left the room
#652425 [ + | - ] 1168
<justie> i did something stupid
<justie> chmod -x chmod
<justie> anyone knows how to fix it?
#652381 [ + | - ] 950
Chutt: my wife drops an earring down the bathroom sink
Chutt: so i take the sink apart and get it back
Chutt: while i'm hooking everything back up, she helpfully
cleans out the bucket i used under the drain
Chutt: of course, i called out "it's in the bucket" after she
took it
Chutt: but apparently that didn't register.  so i got to take
apart the basement drain
#652284 [ + | - ] 813
<CaCtus491> omg
<CaCtus491> I think I have just met the dumbest courier ever
<CaCtus491> I receive parcel
<CaCtus491> Courier hand me a palm/PDA style device for
signature
<CaCtus491> Courier hands me a ball point pen to sign with
<CaCtus491> I look at screen and see lots of ink and scratches
from previous signatures
<CaCtus491> I smile and say thankyou politely, slowly back
away and close the door
<CaCtus491> before breaking into hysterics
#652242 [ + | - ] 506
<Nofrag> It's bullshit, the police won't do a fucking thing.
They destroyed one of the transformers now the power's out for
twelve blocks
<bawheid> It obviously wasn't one of the better transformers
<bawheid> Optimus Prime, say
#652221 [ + | - ] 681
<lunchbox> so get this
<lunchbox> i delivered pizza to the Microshaft building today
but I couldn't park close to the door because they have all
these fancy picnic tables out back for their employees
<lunchbox> so they're standing there watching me carry all
these pizzas to them and I finally get to the door and they
stiff me. nothing.
<fallingdogs> are you surprised?
<lunchbox> next time they order I'm going to send them a bunch
of empty boxes
<lunchbox> and write stop messages inside
<lunchbox> "0x0000000A" ...
<lunchbox> "INVALID_PROCESS_ATTACH_TIP"
#652212 [ + | - ] 691
<fholmes> My 8 month daughter was given her first taste of
Gentoo today.
<fholmes> Literally as she ate my boot cd.
#652068 [ + | - ] 1196
<yadrisil> Quit being emo.
<alexsavage> i'm not emo, the glass is half full
<yadrisil> Half full... with tears.
<alexsavage> ;_;
#652012 [ + | - ] 2408
<Brenty> You know, I think the media really fucked up when
they called it "software piracy"
<Brenty> Everyone WANTS to be a pirate
<Brenty> If they'd called it "software faggotry" everyone
would still buy all their shit
#651467 [ + | - ] 559
* kafiend sets mode: -o kafiend
<kafiend> with beer comes great irresponsibility
#651418 [ + | - ] 277
<Hroth> http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=
8795795223394289910
<Hroth> bush's family supported the nazi's
<videogameaholic> you know who didn't support the nazi's?
jews.  look what happened to them.
#651411 [ + | - ] 237
<Baloo> Supermarkets should have a newbie lane for the
self-checkout.
<Baloo> "If you're a loser who hasn't seen the bag boy scan
shit at the checkout before, and you've never bought a soda
from a vending machine in your life, use this line."
#651404 [ + | - ] 417
<Random> I wanna do a cpu stress test
<Valaris> please to install norton antivirus
<Valaris> aol
<Valaris> and windows
#651378 [ + | - ] 639
ThPhox: Dude...there's free Cinemax, and there's porn on.
ThPhox: AAAAnd it's anal.
ThPhox: *does the field goal sign*
SNAPEK1LSDMBLDOR: He shoots, wrong goalll!!!!!!
#651293 [ + | - ] 1367
<Vanion> where is everybody from in here?
<NemoMac> Indiana
<Vanion> am I the only american?
<NemoMac> Last time I checked, Indiana was in the USA..
<Vanion> wtf?
#651010 [ + | - ] 1948
<pengrate> Because, contrary to Window's opinion, searching
the internet for ethernet drivers does not go over so well
#650907 [ + | - ] 916
<bill> neo is spending all his time fixing his new van
<Kevin> If its new, why does it need fixing?
<bill> Kevin: heh, if you asked that question about software,
it would sound completely idiotic
#650829 [ + | - ] 1053
spaceinvader455: some people smash guitars after rock concerts
spaceinvader455: I smash keyboards after I type up a school
project
#650684 [ + | - ] 1299
<cathy_n> That's because processed food is so manipulative.
<Yawgatog> Sometimes chicken nuggets force me into situations
I am uncomfortable with.
#650665 [ + | - ] -45
Nerdmaster I always say backups are for losers anyway.
Nerdmaster I don't believe in "backing up" data.  My data
moves forward, never backward.
Nerdmaster I'm a forward thinker.  A real e-enabler of data.
#650599 [ + | - ] 1320
<*> This mouse wheel is so loud I can beatbox with it.
<*> This is a skill about as far removed from "Hunter
Gatherer" as it gets.
#650542 [ + | - ] 283
<SHn> how come its cheaper to fly from brisbane to sydney then
the other way?!!!
<disco[burrito]> cause you need all the smart people you can
get
#650354 [ + | - ] -2
<Khobai> ive never seen a fat girl who was bulemic
<Khobai> so apparently the diet works :P
#650342 [ + | - ] 704
<Sam> But why is it 69 and not 96?
<Sam> Oh wait...
<Tim> :/ Thats a weird fetish and I don't want to know what it
is :(
#650334 [ + | - ] 91
<@Malf> dude im pranking people on skype
<@Malf> i called this american pizza place
<@Malf> and i go "are you mexican"
<@Malf> "no"
<@Malf> "ok i'd like to order a pizza then"
<@Malf> "sorry we dont sell to racists"
#650283 [ + | - ] 1793
<Shaft> i was just reading a news headline and i thought it
said "double amputee conquers everquest" and i was like whoa
<Shaft> but is said everest
<Shaft> which is far less impressive
#650276 [ + | - ] 1192
<Chard> 3x12=36
<Chard> 2x12=24
<Chard> 1x12=12
<Chard> 0x12=18
<Monkey> NERD JOKE
#650161 [ + | - ] 730
<+Ethelion> i hate how busses come screaming out of no where..
<+Ethelion> it's weird
<+Ethelion> they're like fucking ninjas
<+FlameDrake> 2 tonnes of moving flureo yellow steel ninjas?
<+Ethelion> yeah
#649908 [ + | - ] 946
<Litzer> I bought a $3200 escort to take me to the movies last
night
<mechanicvirus> a car or a hooker?
#649885 [ + | - ] 1086
(Sethy) How many Supreme Court Justices can you guys name?
(MasterOfHyrule) uh...
(MasterOfHyrule) Bush?
(Sethy) Aaaand how many members of the Bradey Bunch can you
name?
(MasterOfHyrule) Marsha, Cindy, Jane, Peter, Bobby, Greg, Mom,
Dad, Alice
(Sethy) ...Now what does that say about you?
#649726 [ + | - ] 963
<blue_> [wned
<fluffy> blue_: I like how you mistyped 'pwned' as [wned when
pwned itself is an intentional reproduction of the common
mistyping of owned
<fluffy> I have a feeling that in a few years people will be
typing \wned without any shred of irony
#649693 [ + | - ] 749
<MrAccident> ...
<MrAccident> My laptop really is like an Etch-a-Sketch now
<MrAccident> The slightest jostling or movement while it is
running will cause a BSoD
<MrAccident> And it won't recognize the hard drive after that
until you turn the thing upside-down at least once
#649664 [ + | - ] 1014
<Knightmare> Well that was a night of fear and terror.
<Timork> ?
<Knightmare> I bought a bag of mushrooms and a bottle of
Everclear.
<Knightmare> Settled down for a nice evening of mind altering
psychadelia
<Timork> Bad trip huh?
<Knightmare> Horrible, I never want to go through it again.
<Knightmare> Somewhere along the line I installed emacs.
#649649 [ + | - ] 362
<iND-RLM> i heard a good comeback by my friends 13yr old
brother the other day
<iND-RLM> his sister was talking it up
<iND-RLM> and he just comes in and says
<iND-RLM> u know if i made a mould of you out of shit.. it
would still only be as half as full of shit as you really are
#649536 [ + | - ] 247
<NCommander> Its nothing like coming back from a two month
vacation, and discovering a surprise in the toliet
<g4lt-U60> TMI
<g4lt-U60> in fact, you've left the TMI thoroughfare and
entered the "why the fuck do you have free speech" turnpike
<NCommander> g4lt-U60: I didn't say that surprise was shit.
#649383 [ + | - ] 471
<crowke> With the current web2.0 hype, I think Mary Poppins
should have an Ajax-powered website at http://
super.cali.fragi.listic.expi.ali.do.cio.us.
#649341 [ + | - ] 290
<aptget>  I have $50 on Duke Nukem Forever finishing before
Vista.
<carpespasm>  can anyone quote from the bible which comes
first, horsemen, ps3, DNF, or vista; I always forget
<soogy>  Mark 13:4 "Tell us, when shall these things be? and
what [shall be] the sign when all these things shall be
fulfilled?"
<soogy>  Even the Bible can't save us now.