hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21102 Approved Quotes | 0 in Moderation Queue
#2636 [ + | - ] 126
<shervin> i have installed a Semen Control and Flood Restictor
Waste System (SCFRWS) to control my ejaculations which land on
the keyboard.. and drain it to the local public swimming pool
#2635 [ + | - ] 4562
<asr> 'fo sheezy.
<Sabboth> what the fuck does that mean in english? you should
understand that having a day job precludes me from 'keeping it
real' and as such, I lack a certain familiarity with the
language of the 'streets' as it were.
#2632 [ + | - ] 150
<spicrx7> if the sidewalks were paved with coks, i'd walk on
my asshole
#2629 [ + | - ] 439
<spazzer> ahh fuck
<spazzer> i did it again
<spazzer> spilled tap ramen juice in my lap twice
<Cured> see and I thought you were just singing along to
Britney Spears
#2618 [ + | - ] 81
*** QvtQht is now known as TomHanks
*** AMANDA is now known as MegRyan
<TomHanks> {S gotmail
#2617 [ + | - ] 2522
<Plot> I was either going to die now
<Plot> or get 80% third degree burns atleast
<Plot> someone had the gas nob opened
<Plot> I went into kitchen
<Plot> switched a bulb
<Plot> and wham
<Plot> kitchen was filled with one big ass fire ball
<theForger> woah dude
<C--> damn
<Jyrsija> jesus
<ThaDragon> If you just blow up your kitchen, and then proceed
to get on IRC and tell people about it, you might be a junkie.
#2615 [ + | - ] 139
<fate-> right, people here aren't running a charity
<fate-> it's one big mental maturbation session
#2614 [ + | - ] 202
<wild-> i like to play this game where i see how far i can
stick my arm up someone's ass before their heart stops beating
#2613 [ + | - ] 435
<kyourek> KEEEEEEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAEEEEEEEEEE!!
<DrWoody> ... What?
<kyourek> Just practicing my karate.
#2606 [ + | - ] 56
<BlackDeth> warez b dum
<BlackDeth> go traffic cocaine
<BlackDeth> if you want to traffic illegal goods
<BlackDeth> do smth useful
#2605 [ + | - ] 3742
* dregan kicks Yamucha in the nuts
* dregan stamps on Yamucha's neck
*** ChanServ sets mode: +o Yamucha
<dregan> Oh shit.
#2604 [ + | - ] 365
<zip`> bah no use arguing with people who think .fi is fiji
#2602 [ + | - ] 52
<shagie> srt.. he would sit at his table, scratching his scalp
and make a HUGE PILE of dandruff and PLAY with it all SRT
#2601 [ + | - ] 476
<async> Violus: the ICQ protocol is about as good as your
performance in bed
<Violus> woah, sweet
* Violus installs ICQ
#2596 [ + | - ] 362
<jstepka> there is nothing about you a complete personality
change couldn t fix.
#2595 [ + | - ] 52
<matts_> Okay! So  I go to cnn.com and I see about this B1
bomber down! Oh no! :( And then i click on it, and it's a page
about the osama bin laden video tape!
<nitr8`> the video is online? or just a description?
<matts_> description
<matts_> no, it's online, the warez group already have it in
divx format
<nitr8`> heh..gimme the ftp info
<Nathan--> how the fuck did they do that?
<matts_> Osama_Bin_Laden_VideoTape-12/12/01-FoT
<Plot> what?
<Nathan--> man. this makes no sense, how are they supposed to
get the video so soon?
<matts_> I was kidding
#2590 [ + | - ] 615
<Legind> I cant remember my earliest memory
#2589 [ + | - ] 352
[Zammo] missee, humans are the only species that do it front
on
[Zammo] so over a long time, females evolved boobs
[Zammo] because it matched the attractive effect of a good
looking arse
#2587 [ + | - ] 61
*** Joins: mxman (68gmc910@hsdb-sktn-248-25.sasknet.sk.ca)
<mxman> wtf
<mxman> WHO SHUT OFF MY COMPUTER :(
#2586 [ + | - ] 85
<wild-> u want to know a good jacking method?
<wild-> get a baggie
<wild-> dump some lube in it
<wild-> then stick yer dick in it
<wild-> and throw everything between the boxspring and matress
<wild-> then go to town
<BlackDeth> you're a masturbating champion
<wild-> BlackDeth: i wish i could claim i invented it :( but i
stole it from www.jackinworld.com
#2585 [ + | - ] 517
<Lepper_> didn't reppy say he fucked a banana peel once
<wild-> Lepper_: that was me
<wild-> u heat it in the microwave
<SYch0> wtf
#2583 [ + | - ] 322
<kritical> where can I buy a freon tank?
<novocain> you can't
<novocain> you can't even buy a can of spray paint
<novocain> because you're 16
<tenfour> haha
#2580 [ + | - ] 90
<salaman> Tzuri3l: hehe, there's a reason I charge $450/hr you
know :)
<M5sedan_> wow, you must give really good head to charge that
much ;)
<salaman> M5sedan: want to try? 10 hour minimum , and no
pull-back policy ... 50% upfront ... got the money?
<M5sedan_> no pull-back policy = you swallow? ;)
<salaman> M5sedan_: yes, and also means If you come, I still
charge you the 10hrs :) ... LOL
#2579 [ + | - ] 945
<peng> NOT JUST A PEN
<peng> A LIGHT UP PEN
<peng> IT GLOWED
<peng> IT WAS AWESOME
<peng> IT GAVE ME JOY
<Amanda> SHE WANTED IT AS A TOKEN BY WHICH TO REMEMBER YOU
<peng> I think she used it as a dildo.
#2576 [ + | - ] 395
<dregan> Speaking of which, I got myself a new girlfriend.
<dregan> And she has a bigger dick than my last boyfriend.
<dregan> Skillz.
#2575 [ + | - ] 377
<Jv8> programming has destroyed my ability to speak English
#2574 [ + | - ] 519
<blazemore> i don't even know who the beatles are
<blazemore> except for jay leno and that other guy that just
died
#2571 [ + | - ] 242
Lord x Bee: then where do you get them?
geoffduman: usenet
Lord x Bee: irc.usenet.net?
#2570 [ + | - ] 810
<D1> snow, our final is to write a "funny" linux story and put
in linux concepts.
<Amanda`> "Little Kernel's First Upgrade"
#2567 [ + | - ] 315
* terra melts JDigital
* JDigital melts
* JDigital respawns, and is quickly telefragged by a newbie
#2566 [ + | - ] 210
<timmo> if aol has ever taught me anything its the alt+ codes
<timmo> MACRO SKILLZ FO LYPHE
#2564 [ + | - ] 471
<Drestar> Are the fam guy dvd rips in svcd only?
<OldSkoolS> Drestar: of course
<OldSkoolS> pointless to release dvd rips in vcd
<OldSkoolS> and don't get started on divx
<OldSkoolS> friends don't let friends do divx
<OldSkoolS> divx is a gateway format
<OldSkoolS> you'll download divx, won't think it's so bad,
next thing you know, you'll be downloading asf
<OldSkoolS> then real media
#2563 [ + | - ] 860
<DAL9000> if you ever feel dumb
<DAL9000> look at tasmboy
<DAL9000> and you'll feel better.
* logosmani looks
<Rud0lf> heh
<TasmBoy> its not working
<DAL9000> because you're you.
<DAL9000> looking at yourself would throw you into a recursive
loop of stupidity.
#2562 [ + | - ] 597
<EPIK> hmm, wonder what this button does
*** EPIK has left #gzhq
#2559 [ + | - ] 1013
<gb> BlackDeth: have you ever tasted your own jizz?
<BlackDeth> no
<BlackDeth> or anybody elses jizz for that matter
<BlackDeth> i've shot jizz in my eye
<BlackDeth> but i wasn't aiming
<BlackDeth> so i dont feel as bad
<gb> sure you werent
<BlackDeth> no i mean there was somebody else at the controls
<blazemore> did he apologize
#2558 [ + | - ] 1538
<McMooo> the hell.
<McMooo> my sister invited some friend over to use my computer
<McMooo> and failed to tell me
<McMooo> so i get back from physics and there's a strange girl
in my room.
<McMooo> a girl in my room is strange enough as it is
#2557 [ + | - ] 445
<cugar`class> as i was walking from my car through the parking
lot
<cugar`class> there was this big black guy talking to this
girl
<cugar`class> and all the sudden
<cugar`class> he makes a gun hand motion pointing at her
"dome" and he yells "GIMME YO NUMBA BITCH"
#2556 [ + | - ] 452
<spyd3rman> what about battlenet?
<spyd3rman> are they still using the cd key
<CoMBo> no battlenet checks to see if you have zits and
glasses, then it lets u on
#2555 [ + | - ] 731
<@SYch0> fuck
<@SYch0> this is gonna be harder than i thought
<@BlackDeth> are you looking for your penis again
#2553 [ + | - ] 624
<PrEs_WhO> in 50 years there will be only 2 english word
<PrEs_WhO> fuck and Dude
#2552 [ + | - ] 415
<circle> one place was offering like $2500 if u let them cut
off a toe and re-attach it
<McMoo> that's excellent
<circle> no kidding, i'd be like, "do all 10"
#2551 [ + | - ] 351
<Amanda> And do these people in the STD medication commercials
really have the advertised diseases, and if not, how much
extra do they get paid to say that they do?
#2550 [ + | - ] 1104
<limited7> i have for(n = 1; n < 99; n = n /2) why is it
loopin forever?
#2549 [ + | - ] 547
<eras3r> who the hell is digdug?
<element_a> he used to be an old video game
<element_a> then he mutated into an IRC user after someone
stole his shovel
<element_a> tragic
#2546 [ + | - ] 384
<wilylojik> you ever get that "not so fresh" feeling?
<immi> wilylojik like after i cum on my balls
<immi> ?
<wilylojik> like after you've been running windows for 6
months
<wilylojik> which I suppose, yes, is like after you cum on
your balls immi
#2545 [ + | - ] 157
<IceWizard> it doesnt take a girl to suck a dick
#2544 [ + | - ] 697
<bunni> your dick is small!!!
<bunni> i can't even see it!!!
<monkey> because i am girl!!!!
#2542 [ + | - ] 273
<PolestaR> what the hell is a segway
<Marudek> we already have electric wheel chairs
<PolestaR> how fast is it?
<DooD> about 15 mph
<PolestaR> pfft
<PolestaR> i can have sex quicker then that
#2539 [ + | - ] 359
(eowzeiaow) do you gotta best friend that's not your ex?
(metalfrog) yeah
(metalfrog) he lives with my ex
#2538 [ + | - ] 3201
<Bizzy> say Æ Ø Y
<DAL9000> Æ Ø Y
<DAL9000> easy to say
<DAL9000> f00
<DAL9000> ¸ß
<DAL9000> say that.
<Bizzy> ¸ß
<DAL9000> õ þ
<DAL9000> now that
<Bizzy> õ þ
<DAL9000> now say this:
<DAL9000> ß|ZZ¥ |§ ª е/\/\ߪ§§
<Bizzy> ß|ZZ¥ |§ ª е/\/\ߪ§§
<DAL9000> bahahaha
<Bizzy> what?
<Bizzy> damnit