<Euri> When I was 20 (still worked as a waiter), I went out to eat with a friend at a nice-ish restaurant. There was a guy with his girlfriend/mistress/cheap hooker in front of me yelling at the hostess because they took 10 minutes to bring his food to him. So, I went up and asked him how he was doing, and why he didn't call.. and asked if his rash was clearing up.
<Spork> A man looked at me like I was a pervert today. I was checking him out at the store and he had his kids at me I noticed one of his young daughters had her zipper down and you could see the print on her panties, so I pointed it out to him. He looked at me weird for a second then zipped her up. <Spork> Maybe it's because he thought I also noticed that he was half-erect in his pants. <Spork> Which he was.
<MrSauce> LIZ HURLEY KNOCKED UP? <MrSauce> NOOOOOOO <MrSauce> fuck <MrSauce> she was so hot <EvilRobot> Hey, in 18 years and 9 months, you'll be able to hump her daughter. <MrSauce> hrm <MrSauce> I'd be 35 <MrSauce> very possible <EvilRobot> See, always look for the silver lining! <MrSauce> oh well. I guess it's time for a farewell fap
<Petr> I was at work and I drove by a group of Amish people in an electric cart full of computer equipment. I've never been given such an evil eye by so many people at once before.
<L33t_Hax0r> i rev at people at a red light in the galant if im pretty sure thier car is slow
<DrFurious> if midgets had regular size penises they could take pictures of themselves in a minature house and decieve people into thinking they are normal sized with a huge penis
<wonderllamah> ill bet a banana would kick an apples ass in a fight beacause it could unpeel itself to have two mighty banana parts fighting <wonderllamah> the peel to bind it and the soft core to smash it into submission.
<Lincoln`s_Wax> "The vacuum of space can suck like a mofo!" "Captain, get your penis out of the window!
<Bobby> "YOU ARE ONLY CONSIDERED A LOYAL TALIBAN MEMBER IF YOUR BEARD IS AT LEAST ONE THIRD THE LENGTH OF AN X-BOX CONTROLLER."
<taz> 0x0020 5018 2238 83c7 0000 4745 5420 6874 7470 P."8....GET.http <taz> 0x0030 3a2f 2f77 7777 2e69 6b65 612e 636f 2e75 ://www.ikea.co.u <taz> 0x0040 6b2f 7072 6f64 7563 745f 7072 6573 656e k/product_presen <taz> 0x0050 7461 ta <taz> muha * taz snooping mothers network traffic
<JDigital> I have ops in #pyoko... I put it on my resume along with my Slashdot karma ;)
<DrWoody> <intra> I want to propose to my wife with a giant foam #1 finger instead of a ring. <RastaSaf> of course the correct answer to that quote would be: how long did it take the doctors to remove it from you?
<teu> I have to admit, when I first suggested anal sex to my girlfriend, she looked at me like I was crazy. I offered to double-wrap, use plenty of AstroGlide, but she was still totally freaked over the idea of it. Then she made a deal with me: If I'd bend over for her strap-on, she'd bend over for me. We take turns taking it up the poop chute, and now we finally feel like our relationship is fully equal
<Semi> What are you talking about? <Rico> Fuck if I know. Your mother, probably.
<Khrosscpp> If by "whup" you mean "penetrate until colon rupture", I'm way ahead of you.
<Khross> I'M GOING TO REPLACE YOUR LOWFAT MILK WITH SLIGHTLY HIGHER FAT MILK AND EXPOSE YOU TO THE RISK OF FUTURE HEART DISEASE.
<Sharkey> I've been told I should be a phone sex operator. <Sharkey> Which gender hasn't been specified. <Xerox> I've been told I should be a phone sex caller. <Sharkey> Keep reaching for that rainbow. <Kashan> he's waiting for your call
<Lord-Data> spanish girls like come with a tan by default <Lord-Data> its like they come factory fitted with a fully body kit :)
*jwzrd-* kicks Butters in the nuts *Butters* watches as jwzrd- breaks his foot on his morning wood
<Booyah> what's 18 inches long and makes women scream? <Gen|us> a black mans cock <ismell> you toenails ? <Booyah> crib death
*** @pHaT|B33R is now known as @pHaT|ZzZz <@JumperXL> later <@JumperXL> nite drunkard <@ismell> l8 <@JumperXL> thats irc dedication. smashed off his gord but still changes his nick to ZzZz before he passes out.
<Nice_Guy> i love u <kcb0ddah> i love you too <kcb0ddah> what is your credit card number?
<MrFreeze> AND I PUT 3 OZ OF WEED IN 2 COOKIES <MrFreeze> AND THEY WERE LIKE 1" ACROSS <MrFreeze> MMM THEY WERE YUM! <noj> and 2 feet high!
<nitrifik_> damn, I have to leave in 10. I haven't even eaten. :| <mightyflo> irc is a cruel mistress <nitrifik_> not as cruel as real mistresses. <mightyflo> you get what you pay for
<|hOrNeT|> Does anyone have Sims Vacation please that they can hook me up with?? I've been trying to get that for my girlfriend forever and I don't get any sex0r anymore if I can't get it
<FlipTopBox> wow... spam in my hotmail inbox: "See Girls with buckets of cum all over their faces! <Slant> FlipTopBox: Dude. Give them some credit, it's hard to balance a bucket on your face.
<kung_fu_mike> I ran for office today in the IEEE elections <kung_fu_mike> and I lost to a whiney bitch that everyone knows is going to break under the pressure <FlipTopBox> if everyone know's she'll crack, why did they vote for her? <kung_fu_mike> cause there idiots who came for the free pizza and saw a moderatly cute girl <kung_fu_mike> well guess I will have to get position my way and get her in bed <mightyflo> and run everything from behind the scenes <kung_fu_mike> from behind is right
<orion> having eggo "pissed" at me was like having a rabid chihuahua yiping at you becuase you stepped on its oversized genitals <Guilty> See you just complemented eggo again
<madwoota> rice rockets are for fags and shrivel dicks <madwoota> 'hey baby, lets hump in the wrx..' 'sorry, cant even get my panties off in here'
<_8ight> i put a hit of LSD on a hamster's eyeball in high school <_8ight> it died that nite :(
<Slant> I'm adding "Masturbation" to my HotOrNot profiile. <Slant> Hopefully this will reduce the number of matches I've been getting lately. <Slant> Or it'll hook me up with a woman I can truly appreciate. ;-)
(^[QuRvE]^) its freezing in my class (xyst) qurve is freezing his ass? (bc) qurve is freaking in my ass (nexxai) QURVE HAS A FAT ASS (xyst) QURVE STOP TOUCHING MY ASS (seiki) QURVE LIKES IT IN THE ASS (^[QuRvE]^) It's nice having friends.
<DTOX> ha, did you know entry-level pharmacists make $90k/yr? <DTOX> I'm in the wrong line of work... <Xyrem> DTOX : that's about the most boring job i've seen <Xyrem> putting pills into a bottle <DTOX> and in your pocket <DTOX> and in your mouth <DTOX> and in people's drinks
<K34R> im going to buy 6 monitors and a big metal rack and position them all around me <K34R> so it will be like im captain of the starship ianprise <K34R> on a mission to hack the gibson
<D1> dude, I'm so puerto rican. <Guilty> I dont get it <BR4D> youre so elton john <Guilty> That I get
<_Deathbr_> u can update ur sblive value or gamer to a live 5.1 <_Deathbr_> i saw that at friends house and i was like whoa.. u come across some kewl shit while lookn for eprom reading writing info's <travolta> you can also find a lot of cool pages if you search for the word "the"
<memo> > Would you like to go fuck yourself? (Y/N) <Foxie> Y <Foxie> Y <Foxie> ITS NOT WORKIGN
<mightyflo> TP-PS2 667 Remote Control: Infrared Transmitter for PS/PS2 <mightyflo> "Put your gamepad away and watch DVDs with a wireless remote, just like the pros use! Yeah, pro DVD watchers, that's right." <SukiPotato4> Yeah, I have my bachelors in law, but my masters in DVD watching
<toxic> i found out about lesbians in 6th grade
<toxic> :)
<toxic> no actually not lesbians
<CrdStang> hahaha
<toxic> but that they could finger themselves
<spazzer> lol
<toxic> i was like oh shit! they use pencils too?!
<sy|{0ti|{> i watched a clip of some pron when i was in 5th
grade
<sy|{0ti|{> and some chick was pinchin her nipples and shakin
em round
<sy|{0ti|{> and i was like "WTF" girls jack off their tittys "
<CrdStang> LOL
<sy|{0ti|{> yeah
<sy|{0ti|{> by the time i was in 5th grade
<sy|{0ti|{> i was a regular jerk a holic
<sy|{0ti|{> by the time i was in 8th grade , i was skippin
school to do it
<sy|{0ti|{> hell by the time i was in 10th grade , i quit
school to do it fulltime
<Zybl0re> get up <Zybl0re> get on up <Zybl0re> get up <Zybl0re> get on up <phxl|paper> and DANCE * nmp3bot dances :D-< * nmp3bot dances :D|-< * nmp3bot dances :D/-< <[SA]HatfulOfHollow> i'm going to become rich and famous after i invent a device that allows you to stab people in the face over the internet
<O_6> here is my autobiography in 50 lines: <O_6> wtf <O_6> goddamn keyboard <O_6> f;aowheif;oawuhe;faouw\hfe;oauwhfe! <matts> interesting autobiography
<R0SC0E> i think [shaolin soccer] was about to be released same weekend as Resident Evil <R0SC0E> but they pushed it back to not be in competition <mightyflo> zombie soccer! <mightyflo> you could put the shaolin soccer guys up against a bunch of zombies <mightyflo> they could do like bullet kicks and blow their heads off and stuff <nitrifik_> no, zombies against zombies <nitrifik_> slowest soccer game ever
<someone> anybody who would by Celine Dions music deserves to have their computer crash ;)~
<DeX`> i could eat a 4lb london broil and have room left for a small chinese woman <Damaceles> after you ate her you'd have to eat again in an hour