<Daniel> The new bash quotes suck <Nictheman> You realise if this goes on bash, you'll be part of the new quotes, and will therefore suck? <Daniel> .. <Daniel> Fuck you.
<DW>So, I had to get a colonoscopy today <DW>That's where they stick a camera up your ass and take pictures of your intestines <Relentless>that's just great <DW>Anyway, that part wasn't bad, the bad part was the prep for it <pyr0>which was... <DW>I didn't eat anything yesterday. Starting at 3 PM I had to drink about 2 liters of this shit that would help clear my intestines out. Basically, from 3 PM until about 12 I had SEVERE abdominal cramps. I mean severe. I'm talking about rolling around on the floor punching shit severe <DW>Anyway, during this, I started to get horny for some reason <DW>It was a strange feeling really. Not even being able to stand up because of crippling pains, and yet at the same time, having a raging boner and wanting to jack off <Relentless>this wont end well <DW>Anyway, I had been shitting brown water since 3 (that's what the nasty shit I drank did), and I needed to again. But since I had a huge boner I figured I'll take care of it while I'm in the can. So, I'm standing over the toilet cranking one off, and I'm getting the shits, so I sit down. Just before I'm about to cum, I start feeling like I'm going to puke. Now, I had vomit brewing for awhile. You know that feeling you get when you're going to puke? When you start to feel sick and start salivating a lot? I had been getting that since I went to the bathroom. Anyway it built up enough that I started VIOLENTLY and LOUDLY puking. I'm fucking lucky the sink is right next to the toilet. The force of this caused me to begin shooting shit-water out of my ass with the force of a pressure washer. The spasming of my entire body caused my hand to move around enough that I started cumming. <DW>So after all was said and done, I had a line of fire burning a line from my balls to and up my asscrack, puke in the sink, and cum covering my legs. <DW>Yeah yesterday was not a good day :\ *LONG pause* <pyr0>... <Neo>what the fuck <SSB>..... <CT_Frog>o_o <MMB>You have lived more in that one moment than anyone else in their entire lives
anonymous: It can be "free" if you look in the right places, I think I'll go TO the video stoRe to RENT a movie now.
InnerGoat: My wife has 2 problems. One is the fact that everytime she gets drunk she gets mean. She always looks for a fight, or a way to make me feel like shit me. The other problem is that every morning after she gets drunk she has an explosive watery shit. One night she pushed me to far. She was drunk of course and felling a little frisky so we we messing around and I tried to put it in the butt, she got mad and started talking shit, about how I'm no good and my dick is small, and that she probally wouldn't even feel it. so we never did have sex. After she went to sleep I couldn't get the pain of her saying my dick was small out of my head. I wanted to embarrass her as much as she embarrased me. So I got an Idea I went to my sons room and got his bag of marbles. i then went to my secret stash and got a bottle of lube. I could just image her reactions when you shit marbles the next morning. I lubed them up one at a time and slowly pushed each one in. About a hundered in all. I got so excited I jerked off then giggled my self to sleep. The next morning I woke up so excited I couldn't stand it. I made allot of noise getting dressed so she would wake up. She did and not 3 minutes later she said " oh my stomach. not again" and ran to the bathroom. I was in thee brushing my teeth. Usually she would tell me to leave but the urge was to intense. She sat down and let it rip. She dam near had a heart attack from the noise. The marbles hitting the porcelin sounded like a machine gun going off in the bathroon. She turned white as a sheet and stood up. Still shitting all over the place. Marbles rolling all over the floor as they bounced around. It took her a couple of minutes to put it all together. She said " What the ****" I just laughed and laughed as she packed her shit and left. I really do kind of miss her though.
scruss: a guy called us and complained because his dsl didn't work, come to find out he had win98 and actually took a knife and trimmed the rj45 connection to fit into the rj11 jack
* Uther has joined #Elicoor <Uther> bah! <Uther> fucking disconnected my ass <Lucca> Wow, if you take that to be an actual, grammatically-correct sentence, it's really rather wrong.
<GreenGoblin> Ponyprincess, get ur brain checked! <PonyPrincess> oh ya? well i did and they found nothing! <PonyPrincess> wait, crap
<Eir|food> Y'know, Taco Bell's "Think Outside The Bun" seems perfect for a hilarious anti-gay slogan. <Eir|food> "Don't put your meat between buns! Get it in a taco instead!"
<TMX> someone right a shell extension for windows xp <TMX> *write <Cow> for what? <TMX> stfu button <Cow> i'm gonna make a command line program to buy stuff from amazon <TMX> equivalent tokilling a process via ctrl-alt-delete <TMX> For retarded programs like norton that just have an "ok" button when they ask to reboot <TMX> +----------------------------------------+ <TMX> |& M$ Piss-me-off XP |_|| ||X|| <TMX> +----------------------------------------+ <TMX> | Your computer needs to be rebooted in | <TMX> | order to apply the updates. | <TMX> | | <TMX> | Save your work, and then click ok. | <TMX> | | <TMX> | +----------+ +----------+ | <TMX> | | OK | | STFU | | <TMX> | +----------+ +----------+ | <TMX> +----------------------------------------+
JDR-TSS: I know you're out there. I can feel you now. I know that you're afraid... you're afraid of unrestricted internet access. You're afraid of not being fed content to you like AOL does. I don't know the future. I didn't come here to tell you how this is going to end. I came here to tell you how it's going to begin. I'm going to hang up this phone, and then I'm going to show you customers what you don't want to see. I'm going to show you an intarwebs without holding your hand. An intarwebs without netnannies and content filters, without borders or boundaries. An intarwebs where anything is possible. Where we go from there is a choice I leave to you. BBuie-TSS: you really dont have a life do you? JDR-TSS: There is no life.
<starshipparsley> This is a beautiful equation. <starshipparsley> e^pi( i ) + 1 = 0 <purple.toupee> omg that just blew my mind <starshipparsley> I am reading the Penguin Dictionary of Curious and Interesting Numbers right now, and it is nerdgasmic <starshipparsley> Did you know that pi/2 is 1/root(root2 + root(root 2 +root(root 2 +....) <purple.toupee> !!!! <starshipparsley> This kinda stuff is so freaking awesome! <purple.toupee> math = power <purple.toupee> math is knowledge, knowledge is power, power corrupts, therefore math corrupts <starshipparsley> Math = the only kind of sexual pleasure I'll probably ever have
<komies> It got dead in here. <komies> Riech, tell me a story. <Shish> make it have pirates in it! <Riech> Five pirates and one woman wash up on a desert island after a shipwreck. <Riech> Before long they are all getting pretty horny so they all make a deal. <Riech> Each pirate will marry the woman for one week at a time, at which point the next pirate in line will marry her and so on. <komies> Five pirates and one woman? Seems like my kind of island. <Riech> All the pirates get sex every five weeks and the woman gets sex as often as she wants with a different pirate each week. <Riech> The situation works wonderfully for five years. When the woman suddenly dies... <Riech> The first week after wasn't too bad. <Riech> The second week was getting sort of bad. <Riech> The third week was getting pretty bad. <Riech> The fourth week was really bad. <Riech> The fifth week was horrible! <Riech> By the sixth week it was unbearable... <Riech> ... <Riech> ... <Riech> So they buried her.
[Sam] Damnit, no sex for me tonight. [Ven] In the doghouse? [Sam] No, she has roommates and I have roommates, but she was supposed to go to her sisters tonight to babysit and I was going to go over after the kid went to sleep. He's like 1 and a half so he sleeps at like 7. [Ven] So what's the problem? [Sam] Her sister cancelled cause of the crappy weather. [Nat has joined the chat 19:12] [Sam] So no sister so no sex for me. [Nat] You're all such sick fucks, I'm not coming in here anymore. [Nat has left the chat 19:13] [Sam] ...
<bigboy89> hey Sexy_girll :* <Sexy_girll> sup... <bigboy89> are u alone? <Sexy_girll> yep y? <bigboy89> i just bought some condoms with like bumps and stuff, we could try them out tomorrow when your parents are gone <Sexy_girll> you fuckin asshole, your fuckin my sister? * bigboy89 has quit (Connection reset by peer)
<3M> ok guys i've finally got my windows me machine up and running again :D <exo147> if everything seems to be running well on windows me you've obviously overlooked something.... <3M> who is general failure and why is he reading my hard disc :( <exo147> somehow, "i told you so" doesn't quite say it ;)
<Chad> Seriously, I should kick your nuts so hard that they shoot to the roof of your mouth <Chad> That should be a familiar taste for you!
<McKain> in psychology <McKain> we were discussing sleep <McKain> and the blind kid with bad hearing asks <McKain> "I heard that if you are dreaming and falling, and you hit the ground, you die for real" <McKain> and my professor immediately says "Yes. You die." <McKain> I LOL'd so hard <McKain> then someone else asks <McKain> "I hear that if you have a nightmare in which you die, you die for real" <McKain> and he goes "No, that's complete rubbish" <McKain> I wanted to ask "I hear if you are dreaming that you are battling zombies and you get bitten, you will wake up and be a zombie. True or false, Professor? TRUE OR FALSE?!"
<JimLad> night War_Pig <JimLad> you cockjockey <War_Pig> pardon? <Trippledence> he said you ride cock War_Pig <joeh> hes saying you ride cock War_Pig <[Marcus]> he said you ride cock War_Pig
<Yoggit> No, it sucks, there's all these little kids, and they always try to talk to me. <leeberace> i like kids <Yoggit> I like kids, when they're being quiet and not moving. <leeberace> those are dead kids <leeberace> that doesn't really count
Gigs| spammers need to get thier shit straight Gigs| "horny mom getting it for the first time"
* Now talking in #schizophrenia * Topic is 'Welcome to chat for suffers and family and friends affected by schizophrenia - a brain disease.' * Set by para on Tue Nov 14 18:00:23 <CaffeineBoy> hey <CaffeineBoy> so... do you guys make individual usernames for your multiple personalities?
<Werdnum> if (nickj.nationality == "au") { nickj.print("Yes");
} else { nickj.print("No"); }
<nickj> "yes" and "no" - dual Aus / Uk (born Edinburgh)
<Werdnum> nickj: I'm pretty sure that's a non-standard parser
;)
<nickj> hey, I deliberately try and put down answers that I
know will confuse the system when filling in forms, so why
should this be any different? ;-)
<Werdnum> nickj: SQL injection on the census?
<Werdnum> Name: Andrew'; DROP TABLE person;---
<coldXfire_> i need a slogan for an abortion clinic <coldXfire_> ideas? <p0lska> "If he doesn't pull it out, we will."
madskz: i' tried ass fuck takefive: haha takefive: how was it? madskz: what?? madskz: oh shit madskz: *i'm tired as fuck
<DropShock> He was the BIGGEST Jewish person I've ever seen. <DropShock> Aren't they supposed to be skinny and all? <Trevor> It's Jewbacca!
<FFD> I was just wondering where anyone could get 99 virgins together in one place... Then I remembered IRC.
<@Vlad_The1Inhaler> fuck <@Vlad_The1Inhaler> my cat died <@Surtsey> LOL <@Vlad_The1Inhaler> ... -!- Vlad_The1Inhaler [~joel@c-24-91-210-223.hsd1.ma.comcast.net] has left #sebo <@Surtsey> oops
* Calydor raises an eyebrow. <Calydor> Weren't you, y'know, banned? <Killian> what's it look like to you? :> <Killian> jive turkey * Calydor checks the ban-list. <Calydor> Looks like to me you got a different IP. <Killian> news to me. Whaddya wanna do about it sucka? :> * Calydor sets mode: +b *! *@adsl-69-232-222-88.dsl.pltn13.pacbell.net * Killian was kicked by Calydor (This.) * Calydor coughs. <Locandez> What a twat. <Calydor> Yup. *Killian* I may be banned, but you're still a furry. I'd say I came out better in the deal :> <Calydor> Bash.org rule #1: Don't call the guy with an @ names.
<Crimson> Damnit, I have to work in 1 hr!! <Crimson> Damn these IRc's... they steal my sleep like the blacks steal tv's. <BigJP> I'm black. <Crimson> Its a plasma! Its in the den, just dont hurt my family!
<Gig> Bah, drunk students setting off the firealarm to the building, silent one too, so direct to the fire station. So we had some fireman knocking on our door trying to get us out <Gig> and my flatmate who answered the door shouted out "Hey lads! look the stripper's here!" <Gig> you would be surprised how fast people got out of their rooms
A> I lost my virginity around 5 years ago. Rice> Virgin by choice Random> heh Pork> Whose choice Rice?
<MightyOne> How do you circumsize a whale? <ChubbyFrog02> Very carefully? <MightyOne> Four skin divers.
Viki: chris.....say NO to peadophiles Epo: um.. Epo: NO Viki: oh fuck.. I walked into that
-!- lightman [~light@83.225.150.69] has joined #japan <lightman> i must find a japanese wife <lucke> google-san.
Oli: lol Oli: my gf just won one of my ebay auctions Oli: was supposed to be my xmas present Oli: she didnt knew my ebay name
Kamikazefish17: sweet. im at work but no one is here. yet again Mikelucky8: That sucks. Also, Disney is ruining ANOTHER book that I read as a child by making it a movie. Kamikazefish17: which one now? Mikelucky8: the Bridge to Terabithia. It's supposed to be about some kids finding some secluded forest place and growing attached to it like an alternate reality, but instead Disney is skipping the symbolism and metaphor and going straight for freaking robopirates and beavers with collanders on their heads
<rhpot1991> Eighty percent of our young adults (according to National Geographic) were not able to find Iraq on the map. <formatc> oh man that's classy <bueller> they are ahead of their time rhpot1991 <bueller> since in five years there will be no Iraq on the map
poetically kyle: my gramma's funny...we were driving behind a short bus and she saw all the helmets and she was like "OH LOOK! HOCKEY PLAYERS!"
<Noobles> i'm not getting any presents <Yolmer> uh-huh <Ravus> you're getting a small lump of COAL <Ravus> due to molesting small children all year <Ravus> santa doesn t approve <Ravus> THEMS HIS
quiet >> What's faster than a speeding bullet? eskaypey >> chuck norris quiet >> a Jew with a coupon.
<@Raekiel> .....just had a very blonde moment <@Raekiel> was lighting the stove and accidentally burned myself <@Raekiel> and for a very brief moment <@Raekiel> wondered why the fuck the flames were so hot, as I had it on low....
<superrambo> (CRAZY/CUTE)-(PAST RELATIONSHIPS)+(CURRENT OUTLOOK)-(INTELLIGENCE)=COMPATABILITY <superrambo> IT IS THE CALLED THE "SHE'S NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS, TRUST ME" FORMULA <monkeylice> love is blind <monkeylice> lust is deaf <superrambo> PSYCHOSIS IS OBVIOUS
sionanomics: know anyone that knows loads about cars? Teh Supreme Weez: Yeah. Teh Supreme Weez: My mate Jeeves. sionanomics: he online? Teh Supreme Weez: Yeah. Teh Supreme Weez: www.ask.com sionanomics: :(
<kunk> sigh i wish i had a piece of the shuttle to sell <kunk> i should just bust up an air conditioner <kunk> and be like "the cooling mechinism from the space shuttle!"
<murrrr> *bites tommah's hand off* <murrrr> it must be pretty hard to type with only one hand <FraudulentTommah> I won't respond to that
<DarkPaladin> You know how people don't spea properly ost of the time? <DarkPaladin> *most <DarkPaladin> *speak <Tiddles> I do now.
<frumpy> I see nintendo's new system is making people smile. <frumpy> it's only a matter of time before a GTA ports comes out with the title 'Now you can *really* beat that nigga up and take his car!' <frumpy> I'll bet is sells millions of copies while parents everywhere just throw their hands up and say things like 'what am I supposed to do about it?!?!' <SForce> they'll just be happy their kids are getting some kind of exercise <frumpy> 'yes honey.. I know he's in there beating up prostitutes.. but remember when he used to just _sit_ there and do it?'