hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21103 Approved Quotes | 2 in Moderation Queue
#14352 [ + | - ] 414
<SophiesCat> my room is making ominous popping sounds.
<malcolm> ghost popcorn
#14351 [ + | - ] 357
<malcolm> I would appreciate it more if I didn't have to set
JAVA_HOME and ANT_HOME and HILL_DEPTH and
AVERAGE_LIFESPAN_OF_INSECT and NUMBER_OF_LEGS and
DIRECTION_OF_PREVAILING_WIND and BIRTHDAY
#14350 [ + | - ] 139
<malcolm> c pointers work just like laser pointers
#14347 [ + | - ] 36
<Numloxx> why is it that when i saw the book troubleshooting
winXP, i immediately had a vision of somebody with a sniper
rifle trying to shoot through the whole in the middle of a
winXP cd...
<Nick> because you're an idiot
<sion> Or special
<sion> "special"
#14343 [ + | - ] 431
<Paveourroads> in a multiplayer game, you can be all, "Look, I
have cooler shit than you." in a singleplayer game, you're
like, "OK, my stuff is cool." and you show people who come
over to your house and they're like, "You're a loser." so you
cry and die. >:(
#14340 [ + | - ] 88
justRed-dammit> i wish i had the ability to go back in time
and make sure that what was to become of brittney spears ran
down her daddy's leg!
#14339 [ + | - ] 260
Bug> Red, yer a nut.
Bug> A left nut.
justRed-dammit> oooo.. will you be the right nut so that i can
rub against you in tight clothing?
#14336 [ + | - ] 247
[HyperKinetic] They ate each other, they moaned. They were
zombies
#14334 [ + | - ] 613
[Dainichi] I want a penis! Hell, you have a penis, you can
masturbate anywhere!
[Dainichi] For a woman to do it RIGHT, she has to lay down.
Man gets a boner in the kitchen, he can wack off in the
kitchen.
[Dainichi] If I had a penis...I'd lock myself in my room for
so long that my friends and family would probably end up
calling missing persons on me.
#14331 [ + | - ] 221
[Lyme] My granpa is seriously nuts. When my parents went to
visit him for his 60th anniversary thingie, he wore 1 dangly
woman's earing and a gilligan hat.
#14318 [ + | - ] 156
Bug> (That really happened to a friend of mine. Her pitbull
used her friend's dildo as a rawhide bone..)
#14316 [ + | - ] 68
BoobiePatutti> My mom is now telling me what Hobbits do with
their feet at night.
BoobiePatutti> Feeting.
BoobiePatutti> Like fisting, only with their feet.
#14312 [ + | - ] 326
[Red-Fraggle] I just noticed sumthin'... Those Star Trek
uniforms can't hide a stiffy.
#14309 [ + | - ] 374
Dainichi> I'm going to start a band called Hand Solo.
Dainichi> Our first song will be a heavy metal cover of "I
Touch Myself"
#14308 [ + | - ] 212
* EndersShadow remembers erector sets, you had to buy several
before you had enough parts to have a big erection
#14305 [ + | - ] 456
PhantomStark> <-- laughing too hard to express it in internet
acronyms
#14304 [ + | - ] 466
ElectromagneticPhantom> there's like this monster, stooping
over a dead body, it looks up at the camera, and as it moves,
the heavy skin shifts and folds over itself in places and IT
LOOKS FRELLING *REAL*
Lyme> Okay, PHant, I read that sentence, and thought you were
talking about dick.
ElectromagneticPhantom> yeah
Lyme> I reread it like, 3 times, and I still think you're
talking about dick.
Lyme> Are you talking about dick?
ElectromagneticPhantom> but this monster has no eyes, I think.
and four legs
ElectromagneticPhantom> and claws and stuf
Lyme> Four-legged dickmonster
ElectromagneticPhantom> and nasty teeth
ElectromagneticPhantom> and it eats people
CommandantCleavage> four-legged dick monster? You mean men?
Lyme> four-legged clawed cannibalistic dickmonster
ElectromagneticPhantom> it is NOT a dickmonster!
Lyme> It only eats other dick.
ElectromagneticPhantom> STOP IIIIIIIT
#14303 [ + | - ] 304
HyperKinetic> Crap, I got olive jizz on my shirt
Bug> ...
Lyme> o_O
HyperKinetic> It's coooold!
Bug> Why were you jerking off an olive?
HyperKinetic> LOL, no
Bug> Little Hyper has some strange tastes.
HyperKinetic> ARGH
Lyme> Olivefucker
Bug> He's after the pimento.
#14301 [ + | - ] 300
<McMoo> i need to start making a list of crap i need to buy
for my new place
<timmo> 1) food
<var-> 3 gallons vaseline, subscriptoin to hustler, 100 cases
of ramen
<timmo> hah
<kisama> heh
<kisama> vaseline isn't even that great
<kisama> fuck that pussy shit
<kisama> you need astroglide
<kisama> and a set of japanese wack mittens
<kisama> let me link you
<kisama> http://www.jlist.com/cgi-bin/disp.cgi?img=http://
images.jlist.com/c2/jr6992.jpg&x=573&y=500
<kisama> One of the tools used by soap girls is a rubber
"magical mitten" which works with soap as lubricant for a
great feel. This is a super soft rubber sheet that is held in
the hand and used to clean anything you might want to clean.
<var-> haha
<timmo> you scare me snow
<kisama> just trying to ensure a soapland experience in the
privacy of your own home.
#14300 [ + | - ] 798
Phantbert> I work at a pizza place
Phantbert> and the smallest size pizza is called a 6-inch
Phantbert> so yesterday
Phantbert> I actually uttered the phrase
Phantbert> "I have a six inch sausage."
#14299 [ + | - ] 356
Dainichi> Sometimes, I really do think it'd be nifty-keen to
have another me around.
Phantbert> no way
Phantbert> I'd hate to have another me
Phantbert> the last thing I need is another pretentious
asshole to deal with.
#14289 [ + | - ] 176
* eMeow-v2 fiddles with his r00t
<Apollo-> Can you fiddle with my r00t too? I like it when
people play with my root
<eMeow-v2> Apollo-: you want "girlfriend". STFW.
<Apollo-> haha
<Apollo-> No, if I had a "girlfriend", "wife" would STFW for
"unsolvable murder"
#14287 [ + | - ] 738
<fireside> cum is teh nasty
<died_in_sleep> and you know this how?
<fireside> ive (accidently) and unfortuntly licked some
<died_in_sleep> you shouldt know those things, unless your dad
rapes you :/
<fireside> i can cum bitch
<dragondyne> how is that possible?
<fireside> um
<fireside> it comes out... on finger... i put finger in mouth,
it taste bad
<dragondyne> ...
<dragondyne> I thought you said "accidently"
<fireside> I WAS HORNY GIVE ME A DAMN BREAK :(
#14277 [ + | - ] 151
<nihil-_> she's about as darling as waking up in the morning
with another mans semen all over my face
#14265 [ + | - ] 542
BeHeMoTh101 : i'm waiting for the right girl..... the kind
that will have sex with me
#14260 [ + | - ] 523
<GunnX> I was locked in my bathroom once getting ready for a
date
<GunnX> :)
<GunnX> door knob fell off
<GunnX> those were the days
<polyglot> wtf were you doing to the doorknob?
#14258 [ + | - ] 8261
<Sigurd> a sprite is anything not static
<SRElysian> a sprite is a variable object
<SRElysian> be it 2d or 3d
<TorMuck> a sprite is a fucking soda
<TorMuck> you god damn geekass bastards
#14257 [ + | - ] 740
<@ScuzleBut> I was an athiest until I realized I was God.
#14255 [ + | - ] 280
<D_Knight> I have return
<D_Knight> And i will not be denied(....dont ban again plz)
#14250 [ + | - ] 294
* <r0b3r> sighs and ponders what to do now....
* <Lynda> ponders, "draw something?"
<r0b3r> Tried that already. Can't think of anything to draw,
really.
<Lynda> draw... a couple, resting in bed together.
* <r0b3r> blinks at what Lynda says....
<r0b3r>  No. I don't draw that, thank you ery much.
<Lynda> I wasn't suggesting anything ecchi.
<Lynda> I take it you've never had a really serious
relationship.
<r0b3r> I have one with someone right now, actually.
<r0b3r> Just it's an odd relationship considering my character
is human
and she is an alien...
#14249 [ + | - ] 965
<andjusticeforall> I've figured it out. If you ever get mugged
by someone, just say, "Take it easy man, all I got is a $16
bill", then knee him in the nuts when he tries to figure out
what the fuck you just said.
#14239 [ + | - ] 130
*** Quits: cuebal (Most parents would hope that that their
offspring yearn to become doctors, lawyers, or even a
journalist, but these days all kids want to be is Pikachu..)
#14232 [ + | - ] 609
<sWampy> he should have had anikin walk in on jarjar doing
portman, and that be the reason that anikin turned so dark,
and jarjar being luke and leia's father would explain a lot
about why they were so dippy to have such a strong father.
<clemmy> but why would darthvader tell luke he's his father
then?
<sWampy> just to confuse him so he could cut off his hand,
plus he's in denial that his wife would cheat on him with
jarjar.
<clemmy> I guess luke would be more shocked to find out jarjar
is his father
<Harekiet> darth vader still had some good in him so he didn't
want luke to know
#14229 [ + | - ] 47
<lid> so what did i miss
<dustyX> oh, the secret of life, nothing big.
<lid> did ya decide what it is
<lid> im kinda curious
<dustyX> doncha know, the secret of life is 42?
<lid> lid fixes a beer and clam, and passes it to tasha:)
<lid> well im 50 so i missed that secret:)
#14228 [ + | - ] 41
<Compn> i have an acoustic guitar or whatever the non electic
ones are called
#14223 [ + | - ] 226
<madz> sbs, would you choose:  Linux, or Windows?
<sbs> I would choose: Oral Sex.
#14222 [ + | - ] 200
<Sierro> I don't need music to get a shag
<mal> well no
<mal> music and miracle, but the musics a start
#14221 [ + | - ] 358
<Sierro> I took her out for lunch...
<Sierro> to McDonalds
<Sierro> I feel like a 15 year old
<phantom> hehe, where ya gonna get one at 4am?
#14220 [ + | - ] 345
<Pi|Mu|Rho> I'm sure that somewhere out there is the
right girl for you . Unfortunately, I think "out there" is
measured in
light years.
#14217 [ + | - ] 1052
<FL|Work> feck, forgot to pay my stupid tax
<Pi|Mu|Rho> you get taxed on stupid? That's going to be one
hefty bill.
<marek> he could fund 3 new hospitals all by himself
#14215 [ + | - ] 763
<gaz> i don't think terrorists would be stupid enough to do
anything on independence day anyway
<gaz> not after the aliens did it
#14214 [ + | - ] 858
<Ryan> my mom was killed by mobile phones
<mal> she has only herself to blame
<Ryan> no really, she was using it in a storm
<mal> and?
<Ryan> lightening
<mal> then what?
<Ryan> mobile phone truck ran her over
#14210 [ + | - ] 251
<scud> shadap i was referring to SKYLAB
<CCCP_Lord_Soth> scud has a learning center similar to skylab
only its in his basement instead of space..also its a meth lab
not a skylab
#14207 [ + | - ] 10819
<h|tler> HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU TELL THAT I'M 13 BY LOOKING AT
WHAT I'M
WRITEING?????????????????????????????????????????????????????
#14206 [ + | - ] 414
<tague> i want to start a new movement, lets replace God with
Allah in
<tague> the pledge and see how long it lasts
<Deke> i wanna replace with it with spam
<Deke> let companies bid on the phrase and raise some cash
<tague> there's an idea
<Deke> "One nation, under < For Rent > "
#14205 [ + | - ] 1259
<hoche> heredocs, theredocs, everwhereadocsdocs
<geo> old macdonald had a server farm
<geo> He eyed the I/O
#14203 [ + | - ] 221
<stormin> what's asl?
<Xiautau> age/sex/location
<Xiautau> teen channels have that shit
<Xiautau> not that i go to teen channels
#14202 [ + | - ] 409
<flee> fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to
<flee> suffering, suffering leads to ice cream.
<mrg> mmmm, ice cream
<6> ice cream leads to fat, fat leads to jazzercise,
jazzercise
<6> leads to SUFFERING
<mrg> yay the cycle of ice cream is complete!
#14201 [ + | - ] 108
slightlypissed : I once got hit on by an old man when I was
leaving a cicuit city :(
sourgirldaisey : hahahah
sourgirldaisey : did you get his number?
sourgirldaisey : :)
slightlypissed : no, I kinda just walked faster
#14198 [ + | - ] 626
(Horny-Net-Geek): Hi, I just got my computer yesterday morning
took all day to set up and I stayed up half the night to
download mirc from a web sight in Turkey. My questions is (1)
how do I get ops (2) how do you send messages. (3) all women
here a/s/l/?