hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21103 Approved Quotes | 2 in Moderation Queue
#16756 [ + | - ] 204
<Genocide7> Happy B-day Ass.
<FT|Vass>Thanks Geno! :)
<FT|Vass> Hey! Wait a sec...
#16754 [ + | - ] 357
<@whistler> on the down side i no longer have a phone
<@whistler> on the up side i have a brand new bong
#16752 [ + | - ] 160
<@whistler> i just tried to change my pants
<@whistler> and put them on backwards
<@whistler> and didnt realize till i went to take a shit
#16750 [ + | - ] 278
<ExDthGONE> What I really want to see is stuff like "Heart
Surgery For Dummies" and "What's With All Those Silly Dials
Anyway?: A Cliff Notes Piloting Crash Course"
#16749 [ + | - ] 787
<Phillip`> i just had starbucks coffee
<K_Russell> join #someonewhocares :(
<Phillip`> no one is there :(
#16747 [ + | - ] 154
<whistler> I PLANNED IF WE WERE BOMBED BY CANADA
<whistler> I PLANNED IF BIG BIRD TOOK OVER THE WORLD
<whistler> BUT THE ONE THING I NEVER PLAN FOR ALWAYS HAPPENS
#16744 [ + | - ] 52
<Joelz> im gonna savet hgis log so I can prove im drunk
#16737 [ + | - ] 214
<Joelz> How good is it, when you've badly gotta take a
leak....but you can't be stuffed getting up, but there is an
empty coke bottle next to you and....nevermind.
<Bigchris> what happens if you have to chuck a shit?
<Joelz> That's what shoes are for.
#16734 [ + | - ] 44
ForeverDamnation: Ben wants to chew on some penis.
blx001: you mean snickers
ForeverDamnation: No, I believe I mean penis.
blx001: no you mean snikers
SmiLex05: is that was the gay communty calls it now
#16730 [ + | - ] 1814
*** Pikachu has joined #Distro
<kurai> Gah.  Fucken' Pokemon crap - hate it.
<kurai> Some twat in the office thought it would be "cute and
friendly" to name all the servers etc after bloody Pokemon
characters.
<kurai> The incident that mainly brought about this hatred was
the time a particular SQL server fell over (yet again)...
<kurai> So I shout across the (full) office to a colleague "Oi
! Pikachu's just gone down on me again !"
<kurai> Mind you - it was amusing seeing one dumb bint
snorting coffee out of her nose she was laughing so hard.
<Pikachu> ? ! I don't go down on pppl !!
<kurai> SO you are small, yellow, annoying *and* don't give
head ?
<kurai> What a pointless life - top yourself right now.
*** Pikachu Quit (Ping timeout)
<basto> Wow - you are like some evil mind controlling Guru or
somthin'
#16729 [ + | - ] 211
<Vill> I think anti-cornform has great meaning to an eleiteist
<Gotterdammerung> Vill: learn how to spell :P
<Vill> Gotterdammerung: I did then I fucked up when I learned
to type :(
#16725 [ + | - ] 173
<@assman> api
<@assman> who'd you go to senior prom with
<@icmp> ;/
<@icmp> my hand
<@icmp> :[
#16722 [ + | - ] 262
<abashta> I agree with you, bombing afghanistan to eradicate
terrorists is like bombing the ghetto to get rid of the drug
dealers
#16719 [ + | - ] 207
<eugenics/#help> hi, i was going to search for how to cook an
omlette online.. but i dont know how to spell it
#16718 [ + | - ] 299
<[sPaG]> I USED TO LISTEN TO NSYNC WHEN THEY WERE UNDERGROUND
#16715 [ + | - ] 317
<Omega> why do your parents hate you
<Rai> they dont like it that I never come home... I've become
somewhat of a drifter of late, till I work things out with
airlines/bus
<Rai> I travel to friends houses on my bike, up and down the
highway and sleep where I can
<Rai> its fun
<Omega> lol
<Omega> so your a hobo
<Rai> we prefer to be called "domestically challenged"
#16714 [ + | - ] 115
<Lyme> you know, sometimes, I ponder underwear.
#16713 [ + | - ] 24
<Valenthios> When we RPed that little convo with her and
Gygus, I said "She seems to be quite beautiful, even though
she's human."  He says "Bitches is bitches."
<Gygus> Heeheeheeheee.....
#16712 [ + | - ] 878
<Deke> living with a Tobin is odd
<Deke> so Cass started cleaning up, since she found out that
people're
<Deke> coming over
<Deke> and found 2 20GB drives in the couch
<Deke> most people find coins
<Deke> we find disk drives
#16708 [ + | - ] 532
<Vile-> i need to take a shit
<Vile-> im going to go in my cats litter box
<Vile-> and my mom will go up stairs
<Vile-> and see a huge long shit in the litter box
<Vile-> and be like wtf
#16707 [ + | - ] 314
*** Quits: nanm (Quit: Unable to join #real_life (You're
banned))
#16702 [ + | - ] 42
<azrael69> wtf did i really start typing Oasis lyrics AGAIN?!
i gotta cut back on the intoxicants
#16698 [ + | - ] 582
*** marily-manson was kicked by Satan (amature)
#16694 [ + | - ] 466
«FivePee»: brb gotta piss and get a cock
«FivePee»: omg
«FivePee»: get a coke
«Electronut»: rofl
#16693 [ + | - ] 25
beauty_fades_stupid_ls_forever: holy crap, my mom is online!!
citygirl30_56308: lmao
cherbare36: lol
beauty_fades_stupid_ls_forever: ok...she didnt say hi to me..
beauty_fades_stupid_ls_forever: poor mom, she gets so lost
when you hand her a keyboard and a mouse
soooopafox: LoL my grammy is so adorable with the puter.
beauty_fades_stupid_ls_forever: now when you hand my mom a
remote, a phone and a credit card, she goes to town...
soooopafox: LoL @ QVC
#16692 [ + | - ] 193
<JCDenton> i wasn't flooding............
<JCDenton> i was sharing
#16689 [ + | - ] 105
<destiny> storeobject(mydick,"madbombers\\ass");
<Woohoo> :)
<madbomber> w00t
#16682 [ + | - ] 1697
*** UndErX has joined #help
<UndErX> sup lamer newbies
<UndErX> answer this if u r not newbiez:
<FiEsTy-> well, ask
<UndErX> no newbie lamer
<UndErX> lamerz
<FiEsTy-> hey please dont type /quit fiesty- because it makes
me quit IRC.. please
*** Quits: UndErX (Quit: fiesty-)
#16681 [ + | - ] 628
<packrat> HELP
<defected> Looks like it.
<packrat> stfu ur just a lamerz newbie i m an
expert................
* defected waits for the lame question.
<packrat> k now how do i make hacker toolz wih irc
<packrat> plz
#16678 [ + | - ] 374
<extrasupreme> This one time, i scored this chick at the
pub...in the TOILETS !
<dunnakin> no you didnt you lying fuckhead
<extrasupreme> ok, i made it up
<extrasupreme> damn.
#16676 [ + | - ] 1302
Stinkysteven67: I love married with children. Its a great
show.
Lucy17: It's ok, One thing that bugs me about that show,
In the pilot series they had Al bundy sounding like he was
from Brooklyn
or something when they are supposed to be from Chicago.
Stinkysteven67: Where do you think brooklyn is dork?
Lucky17: Its in new york goofball, chicago is in illinios.
Stinkysteven67: Oh sorry, I've never been good at geometry.
Lucy17: Umm yea..
#16665 [ + | - ] 515
<@drew> my uterus is bleeding
<@cognac> drew, you don't have a uterus
<@drew> oh
#16664 [ + | - ] 33
<Puck> Damnit, I'm tired.
<DeathCrow> You just woke up.
<Puck> I only had an hour nap!
<DeathCrow> No, I'm saying that's why you're tired.
<Puck> Well, that explains it.
#16657 [ + | - ] 401
<@drew> saceist is a kind of person who always has that dumb
look on his face.
<@saceist> huh?
#16655 [ + | - ] 303
<Crono> hey guys, wanna hear a joke?
<Dogmeat> Daikatana!
<Crono> My punchline, jerk.
#16654 [ + | - ] 133
<FishNetGirl> guess what I haveeee....
<KrackWhores> mountain dew?
<FishNetGirl> mmhm, yup.
<KrackWhores> well guess what I have
<FishNetGirl> mountain dew?
<KrackWhores> no
<KrackWhores> a penis
<FishNetGirl> i know
<FishNetGirl> er...
#16652 [ + | - ] 888
<DmDragon> all my cars are haunted
<DmDragon> i had one car where the glove compartment would
keep opening at random times
<DmDragon> so it opened once and i just finally said "fuck you
stay open" well the car stalled out the radio turned on and
off and the flashlights started flashing while the windshield
wipers started
<DmDragon> so i slowly reached over and closed it.. then the
car just went back to normal
#16643 [ + | - ] 5
<himem> I love my cat's tight vagina
<Cows[Pwnage]> :P
<himem> Would you stick out your tongue in real life? No, you
wouldn't. Then ":P" is pretty stupid.
#16637 [ + | - ] 98
<agnarth> what'd u do to mort?
<JeSuS> somebody packeted him
<JeSuS> some guy we've never met before
<agnarth> heh
<JeSuS> he floated down, like an angel from the sky, and
smited mort with his oc12 ;(
#16636 [ + | - ] 161
Doctor_Rohipnol: bad sex is like bad pizza
neo_crashoverride: it comes back to haunt you doc?
beauty_fades_stupid_ls_forever: avoid the crust, doc?
Doctor_Rohipnol: well ya
#16635 [ + | - ] 204
<^Fizban^> I need an external modem. Anyone have one I can
download?
#16633 [ + | - ] 249
<eller> i ate sushi today
<eller> i hoped that it would cure my hangover
<eller> but i just puked it up
<motardo> not good
<eller> raw fish is even more disgusting when it comes out of
your mouth...
<eller> it swims in the toilet on its own.
#16631 [ + | - ] 23
<jonathans> this fettucine is so thick i thought for a second
i was eating noodles and semen
<jonathans> its not very salty, though
#16627 [ + | - ] 156
<The_Veteran> remember the reason you are an op DaMo
<Damo> coz I gave head
<The_Veteran> yes!
<The_Veteran> he admits it
#16617 [ + | - ] 118
<Deke> hrm
<Deke> thats scary
<Deke> that hot korean chic from the world cup
<Deke> was a man
<|WaR|> i knew it!!!!
<|WaR|> i kept telling ppl...the neck dammit
#16613 [ + | - ] 232
<Sku||Fuck> her favorite author is irvine welsh and her favorite band is dying
fetus.
<Sku||Fuck> i don't know.  typically i'm drawn to the type of person that
easily accepts the subject matter in that sort of music.
<rdgzt> The subject matter being
DEATHSATANDISMEMBERMENTNIHILISMDESTROYKILLEVERYONEDARKNESSENTROPYDEATHEMPTINESS!!!!!
you mean?
<rdgzt> And perhaps some violent fucking.
<Sku||Fuck> dude you listed death twice
<rdgzt> Well, there seems to be a lot of it.
#16611 [ + | - ] 130
<countzero> chubbyken: how chubby are you?..
<markanoid> he's not chubby anymore, he's been working out..
havent you read?
<aander> i heard somewhere that his name isnt ken either
<uprightmonkey> i also read that he isnt even gay!
<aander> upright, now dont be silly. do you believe everything
you read?
<uprightmonkey> true true, aander. my bad.
#16610 [ + | - ] 23
* Kuibi[Minakos-Guardian] gets down on one knee
<Kuibi[Minakos-Guardian]> Minako, will you marry me?
<Minako> umm ahhh well, we should get to know each other more
first before that
<Minako> and and and....umm
#16607 [ + | - ] 26
<`Tenshi> ass munch.
<ibutsu> yes, I do on occaision
#16602 [ + | - ] 304
<Baledood> fffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffftggggtfggggff
<Baledood> oops
<Baledood> sorry, was fishing a crumb from under the F key