hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21105 Approved Quotes | 0 in Moderation Queue
#56258 [ + | - ] 407
<TuxMan> beh you know what happened...
<terminus> what?
<TuxMan> i whacked off while watching the linux kernel
compile...
<TuxMan> i mean... uh...
<terminus> o_O
#56256 [ + | - ] 747
<Campbell> You know you're seriously got nothing better to do
when you start measuring time in units other than minutes and
hours.
<Oli[bath]> Win2k uptime: two quadrillion two hundred thirteen
trillion seven hundred seventy-nine billion six hundred
twenty-one million two hundred five thousand two hundred
ninety-two Caesium-133 Radiation-periods
(2,213,779,621,205,292| 2 days, 18 hours, 53 mins, 41 secs)
#56232 [ + | - ] 99
kindle9: the computer lab is *craaaazy* today
tomemos: "Dig this crazy scene" crazy?
kindle9: "oh my god it's not printing why isn't it printing i
need it to be printing what the hell is wrong with you make it
start printing!!!" crazy
kindle9: then they start foaming at the mouth
tomemos: Do you ever have to put them down?
kindle9: i wish
kindle9: apparently i'm not allowed near tranquilizers anymore
kindle9: some sort of.. legal thing.. lawsuits.. restraining
orders..
kindle9: *ahem*
kindle9: let's just say i got a little over-zealous yesterday
tomemos: "I know you're a computer person, but we're out of
library staff.  Take this tazer and go in there!"
tomemos: This is why I don't study in the library.
tomemos: Because you could KILL ME.
kindle9: could?
kindle9: more like will!
#56230 [ + | - ] 997
<Rin> 65 peolpe killed in Canada by guns last year
<Rin> 63 in UK
<Rin> 64 in Australia
<Rin> 11,456 in USA
<Ram> we win!
#56229 [ + | - ] 510
<Supachikn> redhat is the ms of linux distros
<Supachikn> make everything pretty, dont worry about
functionality
<pont> my penis is the slackware of penis
<pont> :D
<pont> Hard and stable
<Supachikn> and fits inside one cd?
#56222 [ + | - ] 335
<Tomalak> Pregnancy from rape is extremely rare.
<DarkYouth> But here you are, eh Tomalak?
<Tomalak> I wouldn't say what your dad did to your mom was
strictly consensual, DY. If a sheep runs away, it doesn't mean
"keep on going".
#56194 [ + | - ] 313
<Winkingdog> Cute toll collector At the Harbour tunnel this
morning.  Blond,  young and very cute.  I'm gunna ask her
out..
<Winkingdog> I wonder how many round trips Ill have to do
before I get the chance  :)
<DD> Shit!!! She's already costing you money!:-)
#56188 [ + | - ] 212
<fantom> I'm going to play drinking games with tcpdump. what
keyword should make me take a drink?
<rizzoh> tcp
#56174 [ + | - ] 149
<atheir> microsoft is a bunch of soulless swine.
<quannum> with jobs
#56170 [ + | - ] 23
TaniquaLoL: i stole my moms stash and sold it to her friend
hahaha
EyezBloodshot: lmao
TaniquaLoL: shes all bitchy now though
#56167 [ + | - ] 428
<Krypt|LOTR2> i was given 200 dollars to survive a month alone
while the rest of my family went to dominican republic
<Krypt|LOTR2> i blew half of that on games
<Krypt|LOTR2> and didnt eat for like 2 weeks
<Krypt|LOTR2> i lost alot of weight
#56155 [ + | - ] 242
[54]Drekknni: I've noticed that Mario Sunshine makes me feel
pretty violent. More so than GTA3 or other "violent", "adult"
games, anyway. I can't stand more than 20 minutes or so of it
without getting pissed off and throwing the controller.
#56151 [ + | - ] 382
<WetCuntDelirium> Well quit acting like a nazi, and perhaps
misconceptions won't be developed
<mike> i must have missed the part where i started hating jews
<mike> i did not, however, miss the part where i started
hating "j00"
#56149 [ + | - ] 256
<Diplomatic> Christina -> We wanna see your bewbies
<Christina> bewbies?  What are you? 3?
#56143 [ + | - ] 759
<Dugimodo> ever notice miracles stopped happening when the
video camera was invented
<pog> and then they started up again when digital editing came
by
#56130 [ + | - ] 272
<RoseyCat> I didnt even nothice
<RoseyCat> wow, I type with a lisp now
#56122 [ + | - ] 108
<Comrade_90> any one have the new "best of nirvana" album?
<`2L> best of nirvana?
<`2L> whats that?
<`2L> 74 minutes of silence from just after when Kurt died?
#56120 [ + | - ] 179
G3nki: my printer is printing subliminal messages on my paper
Keerax: ...o_O
G3nki: it's printing out "Join the Military!"
G3nki: like cutting half of it at the top of the page
Keerax: yvan eht nioj
G3nki: never!
#56118 [ + | - ] 404
<Mystiq`> i wish you spoke better english
<[SePtOr]> i should not
<[SePtOr]> i dont have why... you understand what i wanna
say... It even matter
#56107 [ + | - ] 181
CcLpRPG:  it was like, my friend saw a chick at the movies,
but she had a boyfriend
CcLpRPG:  My friend says, screw him
CcLpRPG:  I say, you screw him, i'll screw her
#56074 [ + | - ] 1418
<@exit2eden9> my mother just told me the funniest story ever
<@exit2eden9> she was in the supermarket before, and this
person in front of her was fighting with her toddler...who
kept taking candy off the rack and putting it in the cart...
<@exit2eden9> she was saying "no...you cannot have candy...it
is almost dinner time and you cant have any"  and this is
going on for a while
<@exit2eden9> so the kid yells really loud:
<@exit2eden9> "if you dont let me have candy im gonna call
gramma and tell her you had daddy's peepee in your mouth"
<@exit2eden9> the woman ran out of the store...left all her
groceries there
#56053 [ + | - ] -3
<Terra-ist> i need roms
* Terra-ist wants a good rom site
<Terra-ist> just gimme a good rom site and ill shut up >=[
<lea_notwriting> Ever tried Google?
<lea_notwriting> I heard it has GREAT roms.
#56048 [ + | - ] 415
<Affe> god damn black socks
<Affe> i need to start pairing them together
<Affe> i pulled some out figuring 'oh if i pull out a few,
i'll eventually end up with a pair'
<Affe> i had 8 different kinds of socks in my hand
<Ouroboros> Wow, Affe.
<Ouroboros> Your life must be incredibly boring if you thought
that was interesting enough to tell us.
#56044 [ + | - ] 1617
DasKrav: Know what I hate?
DasKrav: Repeating myself.
Destroy_Boy2000: What?
DasKrav: I said I hate repeating myself
Destroy_Boy2000: Huh?
DasKrav: I SAID I HATE-
DasKrav: Oh wait
DasKrav: YOU FUCKING QUEEF
#56037 [ + | - ] 274
<Murr> I received a fascinating insight into govt operations
today
<drm> hows that?
<Murr> ordered some maps from the california geological survey
2 weeks ago
<Murr> received them 1 week ago
<Murr> and got a call today from a lady who had problems
reading my CC#
#56017 [ + | - ] 650
<@X-G> makes you wonder ...
<@X-G> why a penguin?
<@X-G> who invented tux?
<@X-G> and how did it become the linux symbol?
<@elver> there's a long story behind it...
<@elver> Torvalds loves penguins, one of them once bit him too
at a zoo
<@elver> and that's basically it
<@X-G> story. too. long. can't. stay. awake.
#55951 [ + | - ] 198
<Wolfy> if i ain't a geek i'm certainly not a nerd :p
<Wolfy> so that leaves normal or extrovert
<Wolfy> :p
<+damadm00> or 'wanker'
#55950 [ + | - ] 310
vickiholt: do you know what I hate?
fyrestorm: What?
vickiholt: I spent over three months writing a friggin' manual
for our document control system and people still do a quick
tutorial around the desk
vickiholt: I don't mind that
vickiholt: what I hate is when THEY DON'T READ THE FRIGGIN'
MANUAL FIRST
vickiholt: A tutorial should not include the words "lets just
see what happens if I do <click> this"
vickiholt: The friggin' book tells you
vickiholt: it's not a big document as I spent time making sure
it was short
vickiholt: <fume>
vickiholt: 3 f***in' months
vickiholt: of having meetings with some of the most boring
(admin) people in the world
vickiholt: <super power fume>
vickiholt: Oooh chocolate
vickiholt: </fume>
#55940 [ + | - ] 390
<cravecave> I used to have a gig of ram
<cravecave> then one stick went limp and even viagra couldnt
help it, now it just prematurely ejaculates and XP, being the
slut she is, doesnt like when that happens and has a fit
* harrellj looks at cravecave
* Astral does too
* harrellj puts that in her quit messages
<cravecave> All I was trying to say was I'm only half the
system I used to be
#55937 [ + | - ] 150
<geth> everyday is your birthday when the candles are lodged
in your asshole
#55936 [ + | - ] 133
<Apocolypse> you know, id be into this stuff if i was about 15
years younger.... im 13
#55930 [ + | - ] 91
<DSmooth> u guys see Moby got beat up in Boston?
<DSmooth> i guess now if you are a superfan of an artist
<DSmooth> you stalk them
<DSmooth> then beat them up
<DSmooth> to show respect
#55929 [ + | - ] 136
<Flossie> depends how much you get paid for staying in bed
<Brocken> I get payed £100 an hour for the things I do in bed
<nameinuse> you run a law firm from under your duvet?
<Brocken> no, I'm a gimp ;(
#55924 [ + | - ] 588
* Cassa gets naked and covers herself in blood from her
missing fingernail
<utopian> "It looks like you're writing a letter"
<@DumHed> ok utop that is officially the funniest thing you've
ever said
#55918 [ + | - ] 151
<Koobze> hiii
<Koobze> I'm kind of angry at my friends... I paid the $50 for
the hair bleach and dye, since one or two of them were
supposed to join me and split the cost, and yet they're not
and I'm stuck with all that cost.
<Fat-Burrick> and gay hair
<Koobze> hheh
<Koobze> yeah, it's pretty gay
<Koobze> just adds insult to injury
#55915 [ + | - ] -79
<txrx> ive been reading heaps of bash.org.. but prolly still
not as much as u CRC.. ;)
<CRC> so true
<CRC> that would be quite an achievement :)
<txrx> i always expect to see ppl from here. liek this is the
center of the irc universe or something.. ;)
#55914 [ + | - ] 372
<LamB> God touches me
<LamB> daily
<LamB> through Priests
#55912 [ + | - ] 119
<NoRemorse> its a film about a killer who kills all the kids
at the local high school who are vrgins
<CRC> US based I guess?
#55911 [ + | - ] 190
<Dingobloo>You know you're an IRC addict when you try to type
"LOL" after reading a quote on bash.org
#55900 [ + | - ] 854
<chris> i have a pad of paper in front of me that is a list of
every single thing i own.
<matt> what's on it?
<Mephistol> '1 pad of paper'
#55899 [ + | - ] 295
<tito> my boss has the lisp thing going on
<tito> but nobody is sure if he's gay or not :|
<hardlined> lithps are cool.
<hardlined> they thound thuper.
<DaggerIRC> grab his ass, ull figure it out by his facial
reaction
<DaggerIRC> or erectile..
<hardlined> Mental note, learn from Dagger's mistakes.
#55888 [ + | - ] 371
<Velario> where the fucks john gone?
<My`Albanian`Ass> outside to piss in a bucket
<Velario> long piss
<My`Albanian`Ass> big bucket
#55882 [ + | - ] 195
<Chernoskill> it's scary when people start measuring time in
dowloaded megabytes...
#55876 [ + | - ] 623
* saxxonpike has joined #wtf
<gt64> i wanna suck some DICK
<saxxonpike> wow i like this channel already
#55872 [ + | - ] 48
<[N]> if a chick just comes over gives u head and leaves
<[N]> it just rules
<[N]> for lazy ppl
<[N]> u could even irc while getting the job done
<WTM2K> would that be like road head?
<[N]> hahah
<WTM2K> irc head... geek version of road head
#55866 [ + | - ] -16
<krakerman> i had a pimple on my pen0s te other day. i had to
get a boner so i could pop it.
#55855 [ + | - ] 259
<evilroot> "One World, One Web, One Program" - Microsoft
Promotional Ad
<evilroot> "Ein Volk, Ein Reich, Ein Fuhrer" - Adolf Hitler
<Madiarin> evilroot: That's horrible.
<|-Shin-|> Is it a TV ad or a banner or what?
<Beanoo> erk .. bill 'adolf' gates
<evilroot> |-Shin-|:  not sure
<|-Shin-|> aw.
* |-Shin-| was hoping to get a link out of it
<evilroot> One World. One Web. One Program.
<evilroot> Microsoft advertisement, 1997
<dafatdude> thats M$ in a nutshell
<|-Shin-|> Heh, looks like you're not the only one to have
that opinion. I just did a google search on it
* Madiarin was searching altavista in the futile attempt to
see if anyone could verify the MS part of the quote.
#55852 [ + | - ] 214
<gadget73> Oracle gave out bobble head dolls of thier CEO to
thier employees for Christmas
<gadget73> i want one, as well as a Richard Stallman and Bill
Gates one, then I could have mock discussions about shit
#55832 [ + | - ] 266
irc.aol.com Message of the Day -
irc.aol.com (If you packet us, we will send you a bunch of
cd's)
#55804 [ + | - ] 419
<AGodlyHeretic> and i installed enough security equipment on
my computer, that even i think i might have gone overboard
<smokedbrown> lol
<AGodlyHeretic> no seriously, it records every keystroke i
make and is totally hidden. can only be DETECTED with my
password, and requires a second password to open it. it also
is designed to take screenshots everyso often when a specific
strings is typed
<smokedbrown> Dude.
<smokedbrown> um.
<smokedbrown> the white people of waco called. they want thier
paranoia back