hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21105 Approved Quotes | 0 in Moderation Queue
#56722 [ + | - ] 329
<Pepe> I need to know if college consists of a lot of fucking,
or is that just in movies and is it like, masturbation all the
time? This decides whether I buy fifty boxes of condoms, or
fifty boxes of Kleenex.
#56719 [ + | - ] 102
<blitzoid> My ma got me a copy of PC Gamer'
<blitzoid> I was like "Did you save the receipt?"
<Jarky> haha why?
<ChaosMage> Parents think gamers like those gay gaming mags
<ChaosMage> Makes you wonder who the hell reads 'em
<d0gZpAw> i used to like PC Gamer.. when i was on dialup..
because it was a pain in the ass downloading demos to see
whether a full release is worth 2 days of leech
<blitzoid> "HOW TO MANIPULATE THE CAMERA TO LOOK AT LARA'S
ASS! PLUS: OTHER DIGITAL BOOBS." - Sample from PC Gamer
#56714 [ + | - ] 138
<Verlaine> That Walmart commercial where they say they are
giving free shopping sprees to needy kids and the lady starts
to cry at the end is making me nauseous.
<Verlaine> I need someone to share in my outrage.
<kalista> you could turn off the tv
<kalista> that way you never have to see that commercial
again.
<Verlaine> But then I would never know what stores not to shop
at.
#56712 [ + | - ] 266
<Avie> the only effect that videogames have had on my morals
is deciding what weapon I would kill someone with if I did
#56708 [ + | - ] 578
<Rountree> Wake.  Birth.  Grow.  Pain.  Move.  Move.  Move.
Move.  Move.  Kid.  Grow.  Teen.  Grow.  Up.  Fall.  Up.
Crush.  Meet.  Kiss.  Date.  Buy.  Love.  Sex.  Ring.  Join.
Smile.  Kids.  School.  Dance.  Hug.  Hold.  Rift.  Leave.
Hate.  Gone.  Work.  Work.  Work.  Work.  Work.  Life.  Ha.
Bang.  Dead.
<+MegamanX2K> Shut.
<+MegamanX2K> The.
<+MegamanX2K> Fuck.
<+MegamanX2K> Up.
#56702 [ + | - ] 244
<N[]vA> I threw a chiken nuget at a trafic cops while driving
back home
<N[]vA> he was on his bonet talking on his cell phone
<N[]vA> fucker has no sence of humor
<N[]vA> 850
<N[]vA>  agravating a police officer
<N[]vA> ROFL
<N[]vA> he had mayo on his hat tho
<N[]vA> WAHAHAHAH
#56689 [ + | - ] 2969
<danamania> yay I fixed my laptops battery!
<danamania> it was so dead, nothing would charge it
<danamania> so I gave it the electronic equivalent of a kick
in the head, by shorting the +/- terminals for 5 minutes
<gelfie> don't they have stickers on them that say they could
explode or catch fire by doing that?
<danamania> yeah but it's ok, I took them off first.
#56686 [ + | - ] 21
<Zombie11>  <Rax_kun> cocaine was a medicine in the good ole
days <- it still is :D
#56685 [ + | - ] 331
[+Aled]: u cant count with out usign your hands
[@Trixta]: *sigh*
::: Mode: (Trixta) sets (+b *!
~Aled@du-069-0638.access.clara.net)
::: Kick: (Aled) was kicked by (Trixta) (The only superiority
complex allowed in this irc room is mine, come back in 10
minutes after your head has shrunk., 10m ban  3 )
[@Trixta]: i was going to give him a longer ban but i've only
got 10 fingers ;)
#56661 [ + | - ] 609
<Blizzard> Man, we have a female wrestler on our team
<Nucleotide> We care why?
<Blizzard> She's PREGNANT
<Sirdoudofapples> Hmmm...
<Sirdoudofapples> Seems like an inefficient way to move up in
weight class...
#56600 [ + | - ] 328
<Dice> I've done it
<Dice> I've made a calculate
<Dice> calculater*
<Prothe|Studying> make a spell check now
#56562 [ + | - ] 183
<[BuD]> i think they should do a winona ryder game
<[BuD]> grand theft shopping
#56558 [ + | - ] 1903
<Pyroman> NEW RULE
<Pyroman> No one may have a name that starts with 'No'
<Pyroman> It fucks up my nick completion
*** Yukari is now known as NotYukari
*** GigaClonWantstoKickNickServ is now known as NotGigaron
*** NMR is now known as NotNMR
*** DJ_Bytes is now known as NotAlsoDJBY
<emphaticallyumopepisdn> You guys are sheep
<NotYukari> baa
<NotAlsoDJBY> Baaa
<NotGigaron> baaa
<NotNMR> baaaa
#56554 [ + | - ] 1233
<Asmodeus> I hav3 to g3t a n3w k3yboard off my par3nts, brb.
<Kur0Tenshi> Why?
<Asmodeus> Th3 k3y b3tw33n th3 W and R k3y is brok3n.
<Kur0Tenshi> What keys that?
#56546 [ + | - ] 226
<@Daren> anyone wanna buy a second hand BMW?
<@Daren> it fell off the back of a ferry
#56545 [ + | - ] 449
<krg> stupid fucking church people took all of our parking
spaces
<Tragic> your parkinglot isn't private for employees and
customers?
<krg> it is
<krg> they ignore the signs
<Tragic> "but this is a house of god!"  "yeah well this is the
parking lot of an evil IT company. fuck off."
<Tragic> "our dark lord detests the presence of your honda
civic, you must be punished!"
#56536 [ + | - ] 401
<Zak-> she's cute as
<Zak-> somebody find her for me
<Agrajag> are you crazy? i thought females were just things
people made up on the internet
<Octane> There's only two types of females: *.jpgs and *.gifs.
#56528 [ + | - ] 162
<StarThorn> "What do you think about before you go to bed?"
"Sex." "What do you think about when you wake up?" "Sex."
"What're you thinking of right now?" "My dog Sparky" "Ok,
You're sharing too much, now..."
#56527 [ + | - ] 810
<StarThorn> Leave it to the computer programmers to shorten
the "Year 2000 Millennium Bug" to "Y2K."  Isn't that what
caused this problem in the first place?
#56523 [ + | - ] 211
<ZiR0> id jack off
<Dead_One> i would to, but that would make 15 times today
<Dead_One> oh, wait
<Dead_One> 01:34:56
<Dead_One> no, its a new day
#56522 [ + | - ] 255
<HoaX|ZzZz> lol my mom is wrapping xmas presents listening to
hard trance
<HoaX|ZzZz> i was like "mom wtf are you doing"
<checkered> hahaha too funny
<HoaX|ZzZz> she's like "it helps me zone out so i dont
actually realize im wrapping presents, its like a drug"
<Scire> "hey mom, it's actually better ON drugs... want some?"
#56509 [ + | - ] 107
<MMMaven> I can see the headlines now... "super-modified AIBO
captures bin laden!"
#56498 [ + | - ] 217
<sexy_westie> lmao. . . . . reminds me of a childhood story
<sexy_westie> my grandmother bought my mother (10yrs old at
time) a chihuahua pup (cost a bomb apparently) only for the
cat to eat it in the first day lmao
<sexy_westie> must have thought it was a yapping rat
#56490 [ + | - ] 36
@Vader  Ne[r]d, is there a place on the comp where you can
identify what kind of soundcard you have?
@Vader  I just shocked the shit out of myself [again]
#56485 [ + | - ] 588
<drlion> what size t-shirt fits me?
<drlion> i'm a thin, normal-height 17 year old guy
<drlion> medium? large?
<moira> consult a pre-existing tshirt in the wooden object
located in your current domicile, also known as a "chest of
drawers"
<drlion> damn it
<drlion> i would never have thought of that
<drlion> thanks
#56430 [ + | - ] 166
* boricua4life slaps Sholin
<Sholin> oh really
<boricua4life> yea
<Sholin> .up
*** BFServ sets mode: +o Sholin
*** boricua4life has left #bf1942
#56419 [ + | - ] 116
onlyihavehandle: im like jesus
onlyihavehandle: but more cool and less popular
#56412 [ + | - ] 888
<tsingtao> I met this girl at work that I'd enjoy having sex
with
<tsingtao> any advice on how i can bring myself closer to
doing so?
<TheBaskinator> Just pull down your pants and chase her
around.  She's bound to fall down sometime.
#56407 [ + | - ] 237
<Krypto-> while you sleep and wet your bed tonight.. i'll be
in the land of hobbits.. SO FUCK U
* Krypto- prances off
#56383 [ + | - ] 205
<wasabi>  wish I could call up a friend right now
<wasabi> and say "hey wanna go grab food"
<wasabi> BUT I CAN"T
<wasabi> oshi put the notice back in the topic. =(
--- Oshi has changed the topic to: Cosplay.com - WANTED:
Dallas Otaku to hang out with Wasabi.
<wasabi> thx
#56382 [ + | - ] 150
<Animosity> We have a suicide club at our school
<Animosity> It encourages suicide
<Animosity> Which counters suicide, supposedly
#56381 [ + | - ] 587
JoshQ: hey a kid just got hit by a car outside my house.
vietchino: call 911
JoshQ: i will when my download is done.
#56375 [ + | - ] 64
<syk|Fox> and this green peace guy comes up to us and tells us
how bad oil companies and shit are
<syk|Fox> then laura turns around looks him square in the face
and tells him her dad owns an oil company
<syk|Fox> the guy ran off like she had aids or something
<Lid> fox ur mean.
<Lid> u should've covered him in oil and lit him up like a
chiristmas tree
#56374 [ + | - ] 341
<bse> Instinct is a kickass movie
<wataru> Basic?
<bse> wataru: no.. pervert
<wataru> Pervert Instinct?
#56371 [ + | - ] 140
<Xpert887> youre gonna be a computer god one day and people
around the world will come to you with their problems
<onesidedzer0> then i'll give them bullshit explanations and
take their money
<Xpert887> ohh so youre gonna take after gateway?
#56368 [ + | - ] 191
[devilsad] OO is like the missionary position, all day long
[@sobri] heh
[@sobri] i think of it more like group sex
[devilsad] no wonder you like it then
[@sobri] class ReachAround extends AnalSex
[_Spunky_] its like an orgy with everyone you know - you know
exactly how to treat each class
[_Spunky_] whereas imperative code, you have to be formally
introduced to each new partenr
[@sobri] and remember every conversation you've had with them,
just incase you put your food in your mouth with something you
say later
[devilsad] it's too clean and clinical for me
[devilsad] rubber gloves on before the insertion, so to speak
[@sobri] heh
[_Spunky_] haha
[devilsad] no casual toying with other people's private
functions
[@sobri] i don't know OOP in any languages other than php, but
can always statically call methods
[@sobri] $jizzim = ForePlay::handJob;
[_Spunky_] public sub spunkOnTheCarpet()
[@sobri] $orgy = new Orgy; $orgy->addFemale('linda'); $orgy->
addFemale('tina'); $orgy->addMidget('gary'); $orgy->addSelf();
[devilsad] lol
#56364 [ + | - ] 160
<Crusader> www.privatehacksthatareonlyonmycomputer.com
<Azorbix> its a dead link you jerk
#56360 [ + | - ] 448
<Mentar> why did hitler kill himself?
<JoltX> because he was deranged
<JoltX> and he didnt want to give the jews the satisfaction
<Mentar> wrong
<Mentar> he saw the gas bill
#56350 [ + | - ] 71
<Siron> the bathroom is full and i gotta go..
<neural> well there is that bush
<neural> and that.. corner
<phyrearms> siron just point it spray it under the door
#56333 [ + | - ] 268
<gwend> my 6 key doesnt work half the time ><
<Kiri> my CTRL key types a ` when i press it
<Kiri> lol
<gwend> lol
<Kiri> and my numpad opens internet explorer
<Kiri> or my computer
<Kiri> depends on which number lol
*** Kiri has quit IRC (Read error: 54 (Connection reset by
peer))
<EvilCouch> guess she pushed the wrong number
#56321 [ + | - ] 148
<Nergy> How much do movies cost these days?
<Meatwad> matine's cost 5.50 or so
<Nergy> w00t! I have that!
<Nergy> in fact, its RIGHT in my pants now
<Meatwad> dollars not inches
<Nergy> oh my bad.
#56320 [ + | - ] 355
<@arp> Importance: Normal
<@arp> INCREASE YOUR PENIS SIZE BY 1/4 INCH IN ONE WEEK!
<@arp> Guaranteed!!!!!!
<@arp> YAY!
<argoth> thanks for sharing
<j0ker> hell I can do that in a few seconds
#56318 [ + | - ] 401
<I3aH> can anyone help me? i need to get wine working
<CyberdogM8> just drink more of it
<CyberdogM8> it'll work eventually
#56317 [ + | - ] 376
<ibrahim> is there alive experts?
<ozzmosis> I've been alive since I was born, you could say I'm
an expert at it
#56301 [ + | - ] 81
<+FlatFace> ASDFHK
<+FlatFace> WTF
<+FlatFace> WOLF 3D SOURCE 8K?!
<+FlatFace> wait that's the disclaimer
<+FlatFace> SHIT
#56293 [ + | - ] 314
<@FrozenShade> Customer: "What kind of ink cartidges do I need
for this scanner?"
#56292 [ + | - ] 306
(+[MO]GeX) James[UH] you got a GF ain't you ?
(@James[UH]) gf, geforce or girlfriend...
#56271 [ + | - ] 151
<mog> I take pride in being completly bitter and cynical
<BosTony> I take pride in the fact that Ive gone 5 weeks
without an STD.
<mog> and getting pissed off at the smallest aspects of
society
<mog> like personalized license plates
<PsykadelicAngel> Tony, we're so proud
<Jennilala> I'm getting one.
<Jennilala> :P
<BosTony> An STD?
<Jennilala> no
<mog> ahaha
#56264 [ + | - ] 217
<kingBooze> is there a spanish -> english translator that
sucks less dicks than altavista.babelfish?
<LostXanadu> puerto ricans
#56259 [ + | - ] 521
<tHeo^doctor-appt`> this is prolly too much information
<tHeo^doctor-appt`> but I haven't been able to get off in like
a month or something
<Miyabi> dude, your nuts must be huge
<Miyabi> i mean, as a result
<Miyabi> that wasn't random props