hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21102 Approved Quotes | 0 in Moderation Queue
#777323 [ + | - ] 3402
<redwyre> kez said you you are a whiney bitch
<TraumaPony> Haha
<redwyre> and that you smell
<TraumaPony> Heh
<redwyre> and that you're gay
<TraumaPony> Lol
<redwyre> and that you like visual basic
<TraumaPony> THAT CUNT
#777316 [ + | - ] 353
<Lonesy> I was at the Badkarma fields when thunder strikes
less than 50 feet from me
<Lonesy> God's way of saying "I see what you did there"
#777282 [ + | - ] 1267
<PetTeacher> If you could fight any celebrity who would it be?
<C0pp4F33l> michael flatly
<Protegemoi> ugh... Paris Hilton definitely
<Exostetic> Stephen Hawking.
#777224 [ + | - ] 259
<mikesch> aliens need to lay off the acid on crop circle
nights.
#777172 [ + | - ] 434
<Adun|Oblivion> "The ejaculation of a dolphin carries so much
force with it, that it could decapitate you."
<ChaosSmurf> You know
<ChaosSmurf> This is why Dolphins are ALWAYS happy
<ChaosSmurf> They're just sitting there going "Yeah, bitches,
I can decapitate you with my sperm"
#777054 [ + | - ] 2594
<Mike> Kentucky Freud Chicken
<Mike> It's Mother-fuckin' good.
#776609 [ + | - ] 892
Jentsu13: i just had an idea for a cool picture
Jentsu13: that would be highly offensive and inappropriate
Jentsu13: twincest jesuses
Jentsu13: titled
Jentsu13: jesus fucking christ
Jentsu13: yeah i'm going to hell for that one
#776606 [ + | - ] 868
<Sword_Saint> God, I hate conspiracy theorists
<Sword_Saint> I almost wish they were right
<Sword_Saint> so the government would abduct and kill them
<Sword_Saint> and shut them the fuck up
#776534 [ + | - ] 1492
<Dionysus> Intelligence is alcohol soluble.
#776488 [ + | - ] 613
<Meltro> the song you are referring to is 'Dueling Banjos', as
made famous in some hickish movie I don't remember
<Meltro> Requiem for a full set of teeth or something
#776421 [ + | - ] 129
<Chris> If I were a Greek god, my name would be Testicles
#776360 [ + | - ] 1251
--> hindenburg (~ash@cloaked.rr.com) has joined #overclockers
<a474645> hindenburg like the german zeppelin disaster?
<hindenburg> what can i say
<hindenburg> blimpin aint easy
#776099 [ + | - ] 368
<Valaris> Q: How do I get child pornography?
<Valaris> A: Start a free image hosting site.
#776098 [ + | - ] 1188
<Creeper> when they neuter a dog do they actually like remove
the balls or do they just cut a wire somewhere
<~Vash> NO NOT THE BLUE WIRE!!!!! *dog explodes*
#775926 [ + | - ] 1102
CeePlusPlusKid: so I saw the most AMAZING thing today
CeePlusPlusKid: I was stopped at a stoplight, and heard
hardcore gangster rap blasting next to me.
CeePlusPlusKid: I turned to look expecting it to be some
teenagers, or maybe an older black guy.
CeePlusPlusKid: It was two 70 year old white guys bobbin their
heads in a buick.
#775900 [ + | - ] 361
<JTP> You know you've been playing too much Need for Speed
when your first instinct when you see a cop driving down the
street is to hit the NOS and ram him.
#775869 [ + | - ] 4563
<@HEMI> I got in a car accident on the way home from work.
<@HEMI> I rear-ended someone.
<@HEMI> Guy gets out of his car; I get out of mine. He's a
dwarf.
<@HEMI> We're sitting there waiting for the police to arrive
and he goes, "I'm not happy."
<@HEMI> I said, "so which one are you?"
#775834 [ + | - ] 60
<[Chris]> oh yeah baby, concatenate those strings... do it
just like that
<neura> I'd think you'd want to insert, not concatenate...
<[Chris]> now you're just being nasty
<neura> no, nasty is noting that you'd wanna be real careful
with chop and split :x
<[Chris]> as long as we aren't getting into a strlen fight
#775793 [ + | - ] 400
<Ravsieg> My firewall just blocked itself from accessing the
network.
<Ravsieg> I wonder if this is a good or a bad sign.
#775791 [ + | - ] 743
<GfK> these dumbass church people on tv
<GfK> they just said god made the internet
<NoelCower> Bet they're internet creationists and reject
ARPANET
#775778 [ + | - ] 1769
cromar: If there is a God, why does he/she allow disasters
like earthquakes and Microsoft?
dvice_null: Are you comparing a disaster that causes billions
of dollars financial losses and thousands of people to lose
their home every year, to a natural movement of tectonic
plates? That's low.
#775699 [ + | - ] 255
<Mac> Hi I'm a mac
<PC> And I'm a PC
<Mac> So what you doing PC?
<PC> Upgrading my Graphics card, RAM and Processor.
<Mac> Oh.... Ummmm
<PC> Don't you just love a good upgrade!
<Mac> Well actually, I can't. If you want to upgrade you'll
have to buy a new system.......
#775635 [ + | - ] 1766
<fenriz> my mother found some of my porn the other day
<fenriz> I'm not sure which folder she found, but I can safely
assume she only scratched the surface
<fenriz> because she complimented me on my taste
#775634 [ + | - ] 376
<uberclops> they brought new printers to our work
<uberclops> it's awesome because they're not the size of the
titanic and don't require a degree in mechanical engineering
to change the toner
#775587 [ + | - ] 73
Foxpaws Zupe: Me and my BF talked about children today
Foxpaws Zupe: I think we're going to have to rock paper
scissors
Foxpaws Zupe: to see if our child will be cut or uncut
#775579 [ + | - ] 169
Sunspot: They don't make 'em like they used to. That's all I
have to say.
Bobby: Nope, they sure don't.
***Sunspot jumps in his Time Machine (don't forget the flux
capacitor) and goes back to watch some cartoons.
Sunspot: Seriously. I want to get a Delorean and ducttape a
blender on top.
Sunspot: Sad thing is, very few people would get the joke.
Sunspot: And even sadder, I'm saddled with a Delorean with a
blender duct-taped to the top.
#775570 [ + | - ] 890
< tmbg_> anyone given thought to using accelerometers from
laptops as entropy inputs?
< tkoskine> "Generating a new encryption key, please shake
your computer" ? :)
#775321 [ + | - ] 3941
atlasthealmighty: Did I tell you my idea of injecting heroin
into your balls, so when you ejaculate, it's heroin... And
then the chick will think you just gave her the most amazing
orgasm in the world, and she'd become addicted to sex with you
nullphi: i would like to subscribe to your newsletter
#775171 [ + | - ] 18
<Woosta> Isn't America at war against the Middle Endians?
#774876 [ + | - ] 940
<Sp3cial> STEP 1: Spout retarded crap about beardy guys and
overlords.
<Sp3cial> STEP 2: Live in a time when people are retarded.
<Sp3cial> STEP 3: ?????
<Sp3cial> STEP 4: PROPHET!
#774765 [ + | - ] 703
Prizes_for_contests: Hey, how much would it cost To get
someone To find me a cost-free downloadable Hentai date sim
for my mac?
bommer: what?? lol
Ich: think you're asking in the wrong place
Prizes_for_contests: where do i go then?
Eiljwa: there is no right place to ask something like that
#774628 [ + | - ] 347
<R_M> being drunk is kinda like having a really low framerate
#774626 [ + | - ] 987
<Aelfinn> I'm psychic
<Aelfinn> I can predict what will happen in the future
<Gundulf> Yeah, then what am I going to say next?
<Aelfinn> Wrong
<Gundulf> ...touche
#774608 [ + | - ] 273
<DevilsArms> I hate the saying "Their are plenty more fish in
the sea".
<DevilsArms> As soon as you get your tackle out in public you
get arrested.
#774552 [ + | - ] 105
<Leeloo> Mutiny on the high IRC
#774539 [ + | - ] 179
<TehGherkin> I punched the shit out of like several lampposts
and some shrubbery.
<Yoshiboy> ouch
<Smoson> XD
<TehGherkin> The shrubbery accosted me as I walked there and
I'm pretty sure one of the lamp posts cast a dispersion on my
mother.
#774491 [ + | - ] 1140
<orlando> There's no such thing as reverse racism; racism
doesn't have a direction.
<justin> So it's a scalar.
#774476 [ + | - ] 954
<AesteroidBlues> what is it about every ninja gaiden game that
makes it so it has to be IM-FUCING-POSSIBLE
<Ph33rESP> because ninjas gots to do intense fucking difficult
shit
<Ph33rESP> thats why they're ninja
<Ph33rESP> if everything was easy then it would be called
business major gaiden
#774347 [ + | - ] 535
<TxT> hahahhahahahahaha i read that bash quote where the guy
renamed mirc.exe the .doc he needed to turn in
<TxT> so i did it with my paper, i get an email today from my
teacher "Sorry, I opened your document and it seemed
corrupted. Do you know what happened? If not, just resubmit
your essay."
<TxT> and i sent him my now finished essay this morning and
got a reply just now, "Thank you. This version seems to be
working just fine."
<TxT> ty bash!
<+hydeph> hmm didnt you say a while ago that your teacher
reads bash?
<TxT> ...
<TxT> dude thats not fucking cool
<+hydeph> its ok, tyler norris.
<TxT> ...
<TxT> shit.
#774114 [ + | - ] 700
<echin> regexman, regexman, matches text when no one can
<mguzman> parses text, any size
<echin> captures strings, on the first try
<echin> look out, here comes the regexman
<tooth> You're all a bunch of fucking nerds
<yangman> so awesome
#774029 [ + | - ] 116
<THC|Rawk> Okay, so here's the plan...
<THC|Rawk> At the premiere of the next Harry Potter movie, me
wearing a black cloak and a Darth Vader helmet
<THC|Rawk> Walking up to some fucktard dressed up as Harry
Potter himself, going "Dumbledore lied, Harry. I am your
father!"
<THC|Rawk> Then ditch the helmet, pull up the hood on the
cloak, and try and pass myself of as a dementor.
<THC|Rawk> Some fucker is gonna be sooooo confused for the
rest of the evening!
#774024 [ + | - ] 333
[vvandering_nomad] I took some of that fake blood one night,
and made it look like my eye was gushing blood. I walked up to
the front office of the complex where this poor cute little
asian gal was working.
[vvandering_nomad] I walked up to her and said "Is Student
Health Services open?"
[Lehsa] ROFL
[vvandering_nomad] I scored some free wet-naps!
[Ku'vah] LOL
[Lehsa] you are so mean Nomie
[Ku'vah] I need to get some fake blood
[vvandering_nomad] She almost called an ambulance, until I
convinced her that I was "getting some pills for it." and that
it "Happens every winter."
[Lehsa] LOL
[Lehsa] rofl
[Ku'vah] LOL
[lvlarein] Haha
#773988 [ + | - ] 776
sup lyndz: "That's what you tell your parents if they catch
you masturbating. I WASN'T MASTURBATING. I WAS CLEANING IT AND
IT WENT OFF."
#773975 [ + | - ] 295
<Paranoua> Okay, this is the *only* right answer to the
question "Do You Think I'm Fat?":
<Paranoua> "No, because if you were fat I'd leave you."
#773924 [ + | - ] 1235
<IMlifelike> I flushed a bag of skittles down the toilet
yesterday and watched a NASCAR race in 8 seconds flat.
#773844 [ + | - ] -125
<Elan> There once was a man from nantucket.
<Elan> with a dick so long he could suck it
<Elan> and he said with a grin as he wiped off his chin
<Elan> if my ear was a cunt I would fuck it
#773804 [ + | - ] 285
<Asuna|Sola_and_Sleep> Heh, I just plugged in a printer for
the first time in a year
<Asuna|Sola_and_Sleep> and a homework assignment that I needed
3 months ago immediately printed out
<me[dot]> hahaha
<Asuna|Sola_and_Sleep> Yeah
<Asuna|Sola_and_Sleep> Isn't that great?
<me[dot]> Modern technology, always expediting our needs
#773608 [ + | - ] 224
<Haddock> there are easy marks on CPT5
<Haddock> it gives you some html
<Haddock> and you have to draw what the page would look like
<Haddock> you have to be careful not to confuse <br> and <p>
and shit like that
<Haddock> but they're worth like 5-7 marks
<Numi> lol
<Numi> i'd laugh if they gave you wankers of questions like
<Numi> "draw this page, which features browser-specific bugs,
as it would render in IE6"
<Haddock> lol
<Haddock> i'd just draw a bsod
<Numi> HAHA
#773594 [ + | - ] 321
<danien> Here, Palden-, have this sample dildo I found in my
mailbox.
<Palden-> is it used?
<danien> No, it's still vacuum-sealed.
<Palden-> pfft, then i don't want it
#773519 [ + | - ] 909
<Manson> and I think I had a virus
<Manson> something about jewish dating
<GrEmLiN> you got the jew virus?
<Manson> I think so...
<Kirby> lemme guess, it took all your cache?