hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21117 Approved Quotes | 3 in Moderation Queue
#63320 [ + | - ] 947
<tragic> i would seriously pay money, like... movie ticket
prices (per incident), if there was a device that allowed
people to teleport from one place to another during irc
conversations. it would be all like
<tragic> <aZnb0i002> MAN FuK U ILL CUM 2 UR hUouSE and RaPE ur
MOM biTCH ill FUCK you uP!
<tragic> <john> oh seriously? *warp*
<tragic> <john> hi
<tragic> <aZnb0i002> oh, hello there sir. i think you were
talking to my brother a minute ago. however, he left me to
give you his sincerest apologies and sends word that he hopes
your mother is doing exceptionally well today
#63248 [ + | - ] 311
<[33rd-A]Ruger> i've actually considered assassination in
order to get a girl
<Logic_BomB> your into necrophilia too eh?
#63148 [ + | - ] 1813
[@|Asriel] I just got a crazy telemarket call
[@|Asriel] an autoglass repair shop, asking if we had any
damaged auto glass we'd like a free quote on
[@|Asriel] I wondered if that was a variant on "is your
refrigerator running"
[@|Asriel] if I had broken glass, I'd do something about it
[@Mono] lol
[@|Asriel] not sit around hoping someone will call me up
[@|Asriel] 911 doesnt call you up randomly "We were wondering
if anybody happens to be dying, traped, giving birth, or
breaking into your home at the moment"
[@|Asriel] "I'm so glad you called, there's a guy holding a
gun to my face"
[@Mono] rofl
#63093 [ + | - ] 339
<`RaSh> how do i install linux i got the cd and i dont see the
setup.exe or install.exe
#63091 [ + | - ] 202
<sic_> where the fuck could i find some decent fucking
wallpaper
<C4thY> home depot
<C4thY> hahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahhahahahahahhahhahhahah you
walked right into that one dipshit
#63088 [ + | - ] 522
<JosephSpiros> just got Cable  Modem
<JosephSpiros> I'm going a bit insane
<JosephSpiros> OMG
<JosephSpiros> CABLE MDOEM MEANS
<JosephSpiros> I CAN WAKE UP AT ANY TIME
<JosephSpiros> AND JUST BE ONLINE
<JosephSpiros> :D:D:D
<RangerRick> haha
<RangerRick> and more importantly... now your porn can MOVE!
<JosephSpiros> I KNOW!
#63087 [ + | - ] 865
<flame> hmm when you have dialup, u download jpegs to wank
over. when you have broadband you download mpegs to wank
over... when you have 100mbit, u download DVD rips of pr0n
films to wank over
<riski> when you have 14.4 you get laid irl.
#63086 [ + | - ] 439
< PrincessLeia2> :q
< PrincessLeia2> oops
< TonicBH> what kind of face is that?
< PrincessLeia2> not a facey, I was trying to quit vim %(
#63085 [ + | - ] 162
<ecoli> my cock is so big whenever i try to stick it in a
girl, it overwrites EIP and she core dumps on my bed. :(
#63084 [ + | - ] 586
(doggie^): i would type that word, but i cant spell it
(doggie^): the one about getting pleasure from other people's
misery
(slippy^): anal sex?
#63077 [ + | - ] 162
<mindstorms> i do what i please and i please who i do.
#63076 [ + | - ] 121
<Affinity> yo
<Affinity> asl?
<ReGnIF> hey sup?
<ReGnIF> 16 m jhb u?
<Affinity> man i was gonna ask, can i ReGniF you backwards....
<ReGnIF> thast my surname
#63074 [ + | - ] 69
<doggie^> fuck me, muppet was actually on irc
<MS^Zealot> u make it sound like hes never on irc james
<doggie^> first time ive seen him on this year :P
<MS^Zealot> considering muppet is wired to his many machines
its not shock
<doggie^> rofl
<MS^Zealot> i think muppets recliner is like the chairs rom
matrix
<MS^Zealot> things goin into as many orifices as possible
<MS^Zealot> 5 in his ass
<MS^Zealot> etc
#63070 [ + | - ] 89
<@PrincessLeia2> hmm, see the problem with computer
packrat'ism is i tend to keep all my computer documentation
together, no matter what it is, so it comes to be 2003 and i
find Myst install directions with my computer stuff
<@PrincessLeia2> yay for windows 3.1
#63068 [ + | - ] 10
<AlSkapone> It sounds like someone has sand in their Vagina.
#63067 [ + | - ] 180
<+N-Bomb|Super_Pants> You know what I find funny...
<+N-Bomb|Super_Pants> Companies like Sony
<+N-Bomb|Super_Pants> Who produce the copy protected CDs...
<+N-Bomb|Super_Pants> Yet also produce things which can crack
it
<@ketsugi|scanning> like marker pens?
<+N-Bomb|Super_Pants> CD-R drives
<@ketsugi|scanning> close enough
#63064 [ + | - ] 118
< Scribble> Must be interesting to live with the animal that
ruined your life.
< Scribble> ...
< Scribble> Ask any married guy.
#63054 [ + | - ] 197
* kurt[A] is now known as kurt
* kurt was away, and is back from: life
<Vex> Who are you kidding kurt?
#63049 [ + | - ] 247
* moktod attempts to disapear from work, like a fart in the
wind
<moktod> fuck, i think they smelled me, my boss is coming over
<moktod> brb
* moktod hides under desk
#63048 [ + | - ] 3214
<AndrewLB_in_Chise> My mom saw me walking downstairs to the
comp room with a box of kleenex and she just gave me this
look. -.- I've never felt so dirty in my life...
#62988 [ + | - ] 1754
<RushMore> fuck yuo
<RushMore> fuck yuo
<RushMore> fuc kyou
<Diablo1399> okay rushmore, you've tried to say "fuck you" 3
times now
and you still can't get it
<RushMore> twice
<RushMore> the seconds was a repeat of the first
<Diablo1399> whatever, you're still retarded
<RushMore> fukc you
#62981 [ + | - ] 692
<DarkMistress> I'm so goth that when I was a toddler, I didn't
cry over spilled milk, I MOURNED it.
<DarkMistress> I'm so goth I have a fishnet umbrella
<open24hours> I'm so goth my wrists slash themselves.
#62922 [ + | - ] 254
<prevyet> in my search for martial arts-related channels on
Undernet I came up with 5 white supremist channels and one
martial arts channel run by a white supremist
#62907 [ + | - ] 101
<MoeFugger> shit, when i go back to my high school, i feel
like r kelly at the playground
<PhD> are you sure thats not the elementry school you
frequent?
<MoeFugger> :|
#62902 [ + | - ] 329
<MaNiAk> damnit
<MaNiAk> damnit damnit
<MaNiAk> maniak.tk is taken by some porn shit
<Psyko> lol
<Psyko> what kinda porn?
<MaNiAk> not even porn
<Andaru> German Scheisse
<MaNiAk> www.maniak.tk
<MaNiAk> yea
<MaNiAk> its lolita porn
* Psyko pretends he's not interested
<Psyko> ew lolita porn
<haylo> Thats horrible.
* haylo clicks
* Psyko clicks as well
#62899 [ + | - ] 32
*** You were kicked by Carrot_Top (1 800 c-a-ll att)
#62886 [ + | - ] 680
·Kersus· ... - ..- .--. .. -.. ..-. ..- -.-. -.- .. -. --. .--
.... --- .-. . ...
·cronO· morse code?
·Sudhra· .. / -.- -. --- .-- / .-- .... .- - / -.-- --- ..-
.----. .-. . / ... .- -.-- .. -. --. / -.. --- -. - / ..- -.
-.. . .-. . ... - .. -- .- - . / .. -
·Kersus· .- -. -.. .. .-- --- ..- .-.. -.. .-- .- .-.. -.-
..-. .. ...- . .... ..- -. -.. .-. . -.. -- .. .-.. . ...
--..-- .- -. -.. .. .-- --- ..- .-.. -.. .-- .- .-.. -.- ..-.
.. ...- . .... ..- -. -.. .-. . -.. -- --- .-. .
·iggz· I can't believe you two are ACTUALLY talking in morse
code
#62882 [ + | - ] 926
<+Ivy[OmNi]> so.. you come here often? Lemme buy you a drink
<@Warlock[OmNi]> im a minor
<+Ivy[OmNi]> it's all good, I am a pedophile... I have candy
#62877 [ + | - ] 1528
<Dilbert> hahah today was so funny.... me and my sister were
watching TV, and i wanted her to change the channel so i said
"COME ON!" and she goes "Dont 'come on' me"
<Dilbert> then she didnt get why i burst out laughing
<APE_> is she hot?
<Dilbert> yes
<Dilbert> my sister is very hot
<Chris_Walken> ....................
<ragnarok2040> ............
<ragnarok2040> i hope she doesn't check bash.org
<Dilbert> why?
#62874 [ + | - ] 597
<Brandon17> I used to date a blind girl. Her name was ::...
..:.: .:::. .::.. ....: .:.::
#62851 [ + | - ] 36
<Tikola> i still dont understand how that <3 can mean great or
better or fabulous or what ever.. greater than
#62847 [ + | - ] 107
<Muzzle79> i'm so poor that we make the koolaid with water,
then steal a bunch of sugar packets from restraunts so that we
can add sugar to each glass...
<Astanix> lol
<Astanix> awesome
* Muzzle79 is serious.. i've done it before..
<Muzzle79> lol
<Jerki1989> im so poor i cant even afford to go to the
restraunt to steal sugar....
<Muzzle79> by restraunts i mean
<Muzzle79> arbys
#62842 [ + | - ] 304
<CharCoal69> am I the only one who puts special plugs in all
my outlets so that the electricity doesn't leak out?
#62814 [ + | - ] 1342
<Hawkeye> Spiderman reminds me of adolesence. One day a
teenage guy wakes up with muscles, hair in new places and the
ability to spray white sticky goo around the house.
#62810 [ + | - ] 282
<Kcred1176> you have to be circumcised to their magazine
<cmn22> ?????
<jrock81> easy killer
<Mooky13> what?
<Kcred1176> subscribed
<Kcred1176> sorry
#62799 [ + | - ] 491
<Gudrow> being a virgin at 25 is one thing, being a FEMALE
virgin at 25 is...unheard of...except in cases of gross
physical deformity
<Al> I don't know any 25 year old male virgins either
<Gudrow> you're sitting in a channel full of people who are
well on their way
<Al> Gudrow: good point
#62798 [ + | - ] 1071
<looooly> hello , I have a problem and i need help
<looooly> ?
<voidnull> ok. don't ask your question, though. 'cause we can
read your mind.
<looooly> really .so whats my problem <voidnull> ???
<voidnull> I think your problem is you're having difficulties
understanding sarcasm.
#62790 [ + | - ] 91
<FlipTopBx> damnit, last night i fell asleep with my space
heater on.
<FlipTopBx> i had three boxes of Cracker Jack, each with the
contents fused together into a sort of super-popcorn.
<nitrifik_> neat
<nitrifik_> eat them
<FlipTopBx> heh.  that would be the obvious thing to do.  i'm
not in the process of trying to "thaw" them out.
#62789 [ + | - ] 199
<Charles> I've got mock exams network
<Charles> oops .... *next week
<Neil> now theres an example of someone who spends too much
damn time on the computer.
#62781 [ + | - ] 24
*** malapropy is now known as cd-german
<_mrT> ls pr0n
<Craig> lol
#62770 [ + | - ] 286
<|SoliD|> dude, i think i'm gay
<The_Loserkid> WTF ?
<The_Loserkid> plz don't tell me how you found that out
<|SoliD|> i downloaded some gay porn just for fun
<|SoliD|> i put it on for a minute or two, just to check it
out
<|SoliD|> suddenly i get a boner
<The_Loserkid> i hate you :'(
#62749 [ + | - ] 266
<MishimaYukio> Ya know, there's a thing called a "blooper",
which is where you get a blowjob while you're taking a shit.
<fluffy> ....
<Massive_Potato> ...what the hell
<MishimaYukio>  Well, I mention it because, well, if God
didn't want us to be burdened by erections on the pot, he
wouldn't have invented bloopers.
<fluffy> thats the most disgusting thing ive heard in years
<DoctorRiff> i will never feel the same way about the "tv's
funniest bloopers" show, you've ruined my life MishimaYukio
#62707 [ + | - ] 218
* choric gets annoyed with typing out bash.org into mozilla
all the time:
<choric> bashorg () { lynx -dump "www.bash.org?$1" | less; }
<rik> choric: heh. i did this one yesterday: qdb () { links
http://bash.org/\?$1 }
<martin> You lazy addicted fucks.
* martin adds it.
#62705 [ + | - ] 194
<toe2toe> the part i like is where IRAQ's going "we got
nothing"
<toe2toe> and US is going "PFFFT WE'RE GONNA TAKE YOU OUT"
<toe2toe> and then
<toe2toe> North Koreas going "CHECK OUT OUR NUKES, BUDDY"
<toe2toe> and US is going "Hey... are you iraq? no? THEN STAY
OUT OF IT"
#62695 [ + | - ] 243
<HuKKi> and what do chicks and KFC have in common?
<HuKKi> You start with the breast - then go to the thigh then
you're left with a greasy box to stick your bone in
#62685 [ + | - ] 478
<puppydo> what speed do you burn svcd at?...is 48X ok?
<_super_> 12
<_super_> never 48
<_super_> no
<_super_> never go that fast fools
<_super_> think of the reader
<_super_> give it a break
<_super_> why stress the dvd player
<_super_> trying to read at 48x
<_super_> stupid
<_super_> just slow that shit down
<_super_> just because a burner is fast is no reason to go
that fast
<_super_> it isnt that fast anyway only on the edges
<_super_> so cd has all kinds of speed on it
<_super_> fluctuates
<_super_> too mnuch
<ciscosyko> wait a minute..are u telling them if they write
the cd fast the dvd has to read it at that speed?
<_super_> yes
* ciscosyko stares at super for a minute and wanders off
#62682 [ + | - ] 137
beachbub hi
beachbub does anyone know if u can turn any image into a html
code?
BoB_JonEz no u cant
BoB_JonEz well you could i suppose
BoB_JonEz if you made a table of 1x1 cells and set each colour
individually
beachbub lol i have no idea wot dat means but thanx anyway
beachbub thanx 4 da help bye
#62681 [ + | - ] 157
<dizzyg> Sinbad + hamster + KY jelly == happy
<RubberDuck> the thing about hamsters is that the ky sticks to
the hair and to get them clean afterwards is a beech
<RubberDuck> or so i've been told
#62659 [ + | - ] 173
<Akinaga> I skipped my wedding to play Tribes
<Akinaga> comeon, it was a match for the #2 spot
<apollyon> at that point you really need to rethink why you're
alive
<merc> or just dump the bitch =)
#62645 [ + | - ] 950
<Killrbyte> !googlepop "anal sex";"oral sex"
<migas> - "anal sex" is more popular than "oral sex" (2220000>
1360000
<Video`> NO WAY
<Video`> FUCK THAT SHIT
<Killrbyte> Video`: Exactly.