hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21105 Approved Quotes | 0 in Moderation Queue
#65579 [ + | - ] 173
[+]Kamz|gawne> i wont talk to you unless ur keyboard drivers
are open source
#65530 [ + | - ] 828
<lav> pandas are black and white, lamer
<lav> that bear is solid grey
<Zhuzhen> hey Lav, join #avaxx for a sec.
<lav> ok?
<Zhuzhen> no one in there?
<Zhuzhen> yeah, that's the room of people that care.
#65256 [ + | - ] -72
NotSpudBoy : http://www.bash.org/?5259
FishingForCoins : haha
FishingForCoins : What's this?
NotSpudBoy : Just a site with a whole bunch of chat quotes.
FishingForCoins : ...
FishingForCoins : http://www.bash.org/?1964
NotSpudBoy : God we're geeks.
#65230 [ + | - ] 236
<Nimduin> Holy fucking shit.
<Nimduin> http://www.mclaren4sale.com/main.html
<Match> Bet you could get that girl you're always talking
about in that car.
<sede> Yeah, the bitch couldn't dodge me in that sweet ride,
I'd wear her like a hood ornament
#65225 [ + | - ] 615
<stout> :D\-<
<stout> :D|-<
<stout> :D|>
<stout> :D|-<
<stout> :D/-<
<stout> :D|-<
<stout> :D|>
<stout> :D|-<
<stout> :D\-<
<stout> :D|-<
<stout> :D|-<
<stout> :)|-<
<stout> :|<-<
<stout> =(<-<
#65222 [ + | - ] 251
<Minion> I think I might have genital herpes.
<Minion> Holy fucking shit
<Minion> Why does herpes.com have a dating service?
<Minion> "I got genital herpes! Better go spread it!"
#65215 [ + | - ] 383
<DoctorRiff> i hear that every year the piro comes out of his
hole in the ground and if he sees his shadow we will have 6
more weeks of delayed comics
#65175 [ + | - ] 279
<Clutch-Dialup> You're like a guy who says to his beautiful
girlfriend, "I think we should see other people." And is
surprised when she says "Great!!" Then you have to watch her
enjoying herself with a multitude of studs, while you play D&D
with your geeky friends.
#65174 [ + | - ] 100
<an_ass733> How do you tell if your roommate is gay?  When his
dick tastes like shit.
#65120 [ + | - ] 4720
<tumult> well that was like the coolest class period i've ever
had
<lasombra> tumult ?
<tumult> this kid asks me for a dollar so he can get something
from a vending machine
<tumult> i tell him i don't have one (truth)
<tumult> he says bullshit
<tumult> i tell him to fuck off
<tumult> he stands up and punches me in the face three times
<tumult> sits back down
<tumult> teacher doesn't notice/care
<tumult> so blood is pouring out onto my desk
<tumult> from my lip
<tumult> i turn to the girl next to me and say
<tumult> "hey, can i use one of the tissues jammed into your
bra?"
<zyko^> what did she do?
<tumult> punched me in the face
#65112 [ + | - ] 225
<Turd_Ferguson> static he is also a digital gangster
<static> digital gangster?
<static> wtf does that mean?
<static> he haf a digital crew of thugs?
<static> a shit load of 1's and 0's?
#65024 [ + | - ] -154
<SteamedHams> anyway i have a question about the US
<+firehawk> sure man
<SteamedHams> if you drop a watermelon off the empire state
building, does it get eaten by negroes before it hits the
ground?
#64854 [ + | - ] 175
<Gobi> know what's better than pasta?
<Feat> pornography
<Gobi> more pasta!
<Gobi> ...and that
<Feat> porn pasta?
<Gobi> porno-getti
<Feat> ravi-hole-ey
<Feat> hmm
<Gobi> hmm indeed
<Gobi> heh heh heh
<Gobi> we could market to all the college dropouts in Canada
and make billions off their unspent student loans!
#64802 [ + | - ] 732
<Thom> How can a guy be offended by male nudity?
<Thom> Did you have trouble showering?
<Thom> OH FUCK OH FUCK ITS A PENIS
#64779 [ + | - ] 309
<@TreeSquid> i wonder what percentage of people jerk off at
work....
<@TreeSquid> i know i used to
<SLiVeR> I never did
<cokey> i used to
<cokey> when i worked at the daycare....
#64745 [ + | - ] 385
<egg> I said I was back with Cake. I never said there was
enough for everyoone
<Diet_Crack> IM ETHIOPIAN.. POOR, HUNGRY, NOW GIVE ME CAKE
<kooshy> didn't napster teach you anything about sharing?
<egg> Yes.
<egg> Don't.
#64732 [ + | - ] 793
[StrikeBot] 65.  Who sought to create The Great Society?
[StrikeBot] Here's a hint: L__do_ ____s__
[Chevelle] bhudda
[Video] Lando Calrisian
[MinuS] lando calrisian
#64445 [ + | - ] 758
<timmo> i remember when my art teacher the first day of class
<timmo> first day of highschool
<timmo> made us write a a one page essay
<timmo> on
<timmo> "WHY PORN IS NOT ART"
<timmo> i think thats what set the mood for me hating him for
the rest of my highschool career
<timmo> so i wrote one on why i thought porn was art
<timmo> and got 0 for it
<timmo> i shrugged it off though
<arse-poet> so why was porn art
<arse-poet> according to your essay
<timmo> i dont know
<timmo> i think it had something to do with airbrushing
<arse-poet> lol
<timmo> i cant really remember
<jestuh> lol
#64347 [ + | - ] 574
<power> so are there really no people here who have the Avril
Lavigne CD?
<power> dammit
<power> back to the old fashioned way of pirating
<bored> power, you're going to put on an eye patch and sail
the seven seas?
#64328 [ + | - ] 241
<Jester{work}> butt sex is like spinach , if you're forced to
eat it when you're a kid you wont like it as an adult.
#64327 [ + | - ] 907
<IgnusDei> i hate my BROTHER
<IgnusDei> and MY SISTER
<Hyperian> i love your sister
<IgnusDei> no you wouldn't
<IgnusDei> oh sure the sex is great at first
<IgnusDei> but then she's such a bitch
#64252 [ + | - ] 219
<_anarchy> heheh
<_anarchy> about time
<Night`> took me a while, because i am special
<_anarchy> indeed
<jokes> Night, special isn't the word =)
<Night`> but it is the euphemism
#64184 [ + | - ] 104
<DigiBree> my uncle once took a huge length of dental floss
and i asked him what he was doin with it...and he said he was
going to floss between his bum cheeks......then he went into
the bathroom :/
<Rake> lol thats just fucked :P
#64169 [ + | - ] 241
Mace|brb has quit (COBOL programmers understand why women hate
periods.)
#64168 [ + | - ] 50
<EvilN> i still dont get why water cooling doesnt fry the
circuitry.
#64166 [ + | - ] 1
<imbezol> one thing about dvorak though... you never make
typos because you're watching the screen all the time and
never the keyboard
#64138 [ + | - ] 17
<Espresso> you should wipe it down with some alcohol and shit
just to be safe
<nas> you should give the same advice to your roommate when he
gets back
<Espresso> naw, i was careful to stay on my side
<nas> of the bed?
#64125 [ + | - ] 139
<qta> hi ircop can you help me?
* qta is away (AutoAway After 10Secs.)
#64123 [ + | - ] 268
<filefly> and she asked me "should i be worried?" i said "no,
you wanna know what i think?"
<filefly> so i told her
<filefly> "...and the prospect of finding her perfect
educational institution threatens to overwhelm her tiny brain"
<filefly> which normally would've made her laugh
<filefly> had i not left the letters "i" and "n" off of
"brain"
* filefly bashes head on desk repeatedly
#64118 [ + | - ] 714
<DunSnukIn> im starting to think aol isnt as good as they say
#64099 [ + | - ] 407
<Meyowith> 875 sparks one piston does
<Meyowith> on a v8
<Meyowith> doing 7000rpms
<CrazySpence> pfft
<CrazySpence> my hard drive does more RPM than that
<CrazySpence> lol
<Meyowith> but how much torque does your harddrive have
<Meyowith> :P
<nataku> more than a HONDA
<Meyowith> HAHAHAHAHHAAHAHHAHAAHHA
#64096 [ + | - ] 806
<clippy>  11:21pm  up 42 days, 49 min,  2 users,  load
average: 0.03, 0.04, 0.00
<clippy> do you know how long it took me to get that uptime?
<Apollo-> clippy: About 42 days
#63886 [ + | - ] 212
<Maksim> bash: rtfm: command not found
#63811 [ + | - ] 2153
<etoilet> i went into the D&D store cuz they had old capcom
arcade booths for sale,  and my girlfriend followed me in.
All the guys were sitting at a table playing D&D,  and this
one long haired dude got up out of his seat, strode up to my
gf, bowed and said "May I help you my lady?"
<crunchyfish> I don't know, man. That's pretty smooth. What
was his charisma? 17? 18?
#63755 [ + | - ] 26
Dr SpaZZo: LOLOOLL in the locker room at school
Dr SpaZZo: Theres this fat, mentally retarded kid who always
asks us for pennies
Dr SpaZZo: and someone today gave him a quarter
Dr SpaZZo: so he started asking for quarters
Dr SpaZZo: On Monday someone's going to bring in a 500 dollar
monopoly bill, and maybe some houses
#63505 [ + | - ] 345
<Nugget> hint: if you're going to mispel a word, choose a word
that isn't "illeterate"
<Nugget> your dumb.
#63497 [ + | - ] 262
[|313|GTSR] i just rememberd i have test tomarrow
[|313|GTSR] i hate HS
(rAzor) You'd better pray it's not a spelling test. :
#63352 [ + | - ] 99
<Spacer> just heard a funny story from my mom just now
<Spacer> she works as a teacher
<Spacer> and in one of her classes, it started to smell like
dog poo
<Spacer> so she made everyone check their shoes, but they were
all clean
<Spacer> so she went to the head of year
<Spacer> and got her to check everyones shoes
<Spacer> but they were all clean still
<Spacer> the smell was coming from the radiator area, so she
asked the caretaker to check it out
<Spacer> while he was doing that, she sent everyone outside
<Spacer> but it still smelt in the corridor
<Spacer> and she traced the smell to some girl
<Spacer> and she checked her shoes, but they were clean
<Spacer> she goes "you smell a little whiffy today, go to the
toilets and check yourself out"
<Spacer> so she walks off
<Spacer> and the smell goes
<Spacer> when she gets back, she goes to my mom
<Spacer> with a big smile on her face, and says "sorry miss, i
poo'd my panties"
<Spacer> this is a year 11 girl, like 17 years old :P
#63320 [ + | - ] 955
<tragic> i would seriously pay money, like... movie ticket
prices (per incident), if there was a device that allowed
people to teleport from one place to another during irc
conversations. it would be all like
<tragic> <aZnb0i002> MAN FuK U ILL CUM 2 UR hUouSE and RaPE ur
MOM biTCH ill FUCK you uP!
<tragic> <john> oh seriously? *warp*
<tragic> <john> hi
<tragic> <aZnb0i002> oh, hello there sir. i think you were
talking to my brother a minute ago. however, he left me to
give you his sincerest apologies and sends word that he hopes
your mother is doing exceptionally well today
#63248 [ + | - ] 318
<[33rd-A]Ruger> i've actually considered assassination in
order to get a girl
<Logic_BomB> your into necrophilia too eh?
#63148 [ + | - ] 1818
[@|Asriel] I just got a crazy telemarket call
[@|Asriel] an autoglass repair shop, asking if we had any
damaged auto glass we'd like a free quote on
[@|Asriel] I wondered if that was a variant on "is your
refrigerator running"
[@|Asriel] if I had broken glass, I'd do something about it
[@Mono] lol
[@|Asriel] not sit around hoping someone will call me up
[@|Asriel] 911 doesnt call you up randomly "We were wondering
if anybody happens to be dying, traped, giving birth, or
breaking into your home at the moment"
[@|Asriel] "I'm so glad you called, there's a guy holding a
gun to my face"
[@Mono] rofl
#63093 [ + | - ] 343
<`RaSh> how do i install linux i got the cd and i dont see the
setup.exe or install.exe
#63091 [ + | - ] 206
<sic_> where the fuck could i find some decent fucking
wallpaper
<C4thY> home depot
<C4thY> hahahhahahahahahhahahahhahahhahahahahahhahhahhahah you
walked right into that one dipshit
#63088 [ + | - ] 528
<JosephSpiros> just got Cable  Modem
<JosephSpiros> I'm going a bit insane
<JosephSpiros> OMG
<JosephSpiros> CABLE MDOEM MEANS
<JosephSpiros> I CAN WAKE UP AT ANY TIME
<JosephSpiros> AND JUST BE ONLINE
<JosephSpiros> :D:D:D
<RangerRick> haha
<RangerRick> and more importantly... now your porn can MOVE!
<JosephSpiros> I KNOW!
#63087 [ + | - ] 872
<flame> hmm when you have dialup, u download jpegs to wank
over. when you have broadband you download mpegs to wank
over... when you have 100mbit, u download DVD rips of pr0n
films to wank over
<riski> when you have 14.4 you get laid irl.
#63086 [ + | - ] 444
< PrincessLeia2> :q
< PrincessLeia2> oops
< TonicBH> what kind of face is that?
< PrincessLeia2> not a facey, I was trying to quit vim %(
#63085 [ + | - ] 166
<ecoli> my cock is so big whenever i try to stick it in a
girl, it overwrites EIP and she core dumps on my bed. :(
#63084 [ + | - ] 594
(doggie^): i would type that word, but i cant spell it
(doggie^): the one about getting pleasure from other people's
misery
(slippy^): anal sex?
#63077 [ + | - ] 171
<mindstorms> i do what i please and i please who i do.
#63076 [ + | - ] 130
<Affinity> yo
<Affinity> asl?
<ReGnIF> hey sup?
<ReGnIF> 16 m jhb u?
<Affinity> man i was gonna ask, can i ReGniF you backwards....
<ReGnIF> thast my surname