hQDB :: hacker Quote Database

Network Stats: 21105 Approved Quotes | 0 in Moderation Queue
#122977 [ + | - ] 420
<Monkah> i dont complain about ur interspecies breeding habits
<goatus> for the last time, your mums ugly, but shes still
human
#122901 [ + | - ] 579
<michaelr> heh, new zealanders think the aussies are shagging
the sheep, and the aussies think the nz'ers are shagging the
sheep... quite frankly, i think it's the sheep who are sluts
#122856 [ + | - ] 1263
<Ghormak> I'm going to make a GTA3 mod. If you drive more than
88 in a delorian, you end up in GTA:VC
#122842 [ + | - ] 246
<Brian_Davion> whats a good colour for a protocal droid?
<Brian_Davion> kaiser: I'm thinking a droid just like C3P0
<KaiserPanda> make it black with inlaid gold leaf designs, and
a funny hat
<KaiserPanda> and a pink lawn flamingo
<Wolf> yes, and its opening line would be "I am cornholio,
human-cornhole relations"
#122817 [ + | - ] 776
<Vino> I'd jack off in the middle of a circular buttsex chain
for a klondike bar
<Brother_Shinobi> ...
<Tempyst> ...
<Keyse|2> ...
<Muffdan> ...
#122807 [ + | - ] 1045
* kronikmag watches as a black hole appears from nowhere and
sucks kremit into its depths where he externally implodes
<Kremit> externally implodes?
<Satan> ouch
<Satan> that's like
<Satan> bad.
<Satan> i think
<Kremit> i can undertsand imploding
<Kremit> but externally?
* Satan grabs the physics book.
<Satan> yeah
<Satan> that's definitely not a good thing.
* Links points out that Satan's physics book has a gay porn
magazine inbetween the pages he's looking at.
<Satan> ah
<Satan> wrong black hole..
<Links> yeah
<Kremit> yeah
<Satan> still not good though
<Links> nope.
<Links> not good at all.
#122771 [ + | - ] 288
<WatashiWa> *eats more moldy bread*
<WatashiWa> I'm gonna get kinky in a few minutes with some
peanut butter. ^_^
<mystic_knight> ....
<Krelian|Owned> ....
<WatashiWa> ....
<mystic_knight> i feel sorry for your dog
#122738 [ + | - ] 455
<ShroomDuck> but the head we get here in ontario is fuckin
horrible <ShroomDuck> HEAT! <ShroomDuck> I MEANT HEAT!
#122713 [ + | - ] 1045
<Feren> I'm a network engineer, and I'm o-kay / I plot all
night and capture packets all day.
<Athena> You smack down PCs and eat Cat5, and go to the
lavatory? On wednesdays you hunt scriptkiddies, and have
roasted punk for tea?
<Slipstream> Old MacDonald had a network. EIGRP. And on this
Network, he had some packets. EIGRP. With an ACK, ACK, here,
and an ACK, ACK, there. Here an ACK, there an ACK, everywhere
an ACK-ACK. Old Macdonald had a Network. EIGRP.
<Feren> ...
#122558 [ + | - ] 766
<Calvinosaur> Water parks should make their entrances narrow,
say 24 inches. If you can't fit through sideways, then you're
too fat to be wearing a swimsuit in public.
#122557 [ + | - ] 1424
<limi> does anybody know where the Table of Contents generator
is, to save me of the embarrasment of talking to a virtual
paper clip?
#122512 [ + | - ] 721
<stumpy> I saw my cousin naked one day, got some good use out
of that later that night.
<momar> Fer god's sake man!
<momar> That's like eating peanut butter with a fork. It can
work, it just ain't right.
#122456 [ + | - ] 39
* Kranium has quit IRC (I'mmm Sailing away.......Set an open
course for the virgin sea..... Cause i've got to be freeee,
free to face the life t)
<Luigi30> Wait, I'm bored, I get to be the captain.
#122454 [ + | - ] 489
<GooRooPR> I've got cats, they like to puke (always on the
fucking carpet, no matter what). While this bothers me, it at
one time was tolerable when one kitty would puke the other
would run in and eat it. I liked that system, I'd cheer them
on, let them know that they where good kitties, pet them while
they ate each others puke, and what not. I even had it down to
a perfect science where I'd reduce catfood to insure total
puke clean
<GooRooPR> WTF? Do they expect me to eat it? Cause I'm not
some bottomless pit, they puke a lot and I doubt I could keep
up with that.
<GooRooPR> sorry for the flood :)
<revolver> heh
<DirtyPunk> You can tell someone needs to get out of the house
and interact with humans when...
<revolver> ...they're cheering for puke eating kittens?
#122297 [ + | - ] 254
<kszer0> sometimes I forgot I'm naked
<kszer0> and I'll go outside
DeBruce coveres his eyes
kszer0 bends over to pick up a penny
Hiroshirou rams zero like no tommorow
#121975 [ + | - ] 1389
<Gypsy> The day Microshaft makes something that doesn't suck,
is the day they make a vacuum.
#121969 [ + | - ] 411
<@Total-MK> You know when you play SMB and you get that weird
thing at the end of each stage that says 'sorry the princess
is in the OTHER castle' do you have herd panties?
<@Total-MK> :P
<@Total-MK> *her
<The_Purple_Bunny> Bowser's got all her panties.
<The_Purple_Bunny> He ain't sharing.
<The_Purple_Bunny> >:(
<@Total-MK> lol.
<The_Purple_Bunny> Everyone knows the only reason she got
kidnapped so many times is because she WANTED it.
<@Total-MK> Well I always wonderd what she was doing up in
Bowsers flying duck thingy in SMW.
<The_Purple_Bunny> Blowjob, DUH!
<@Total-MK> and she kinda goes down after throwing a mushroom
out...ya know
<@Total-MK> *Help Me Mario!* goes down
<The_Purple_Bunny> She throws the mushroom out as a way of
saying "FUCKING GO AWAY"
<@Total-MK> lol.
<@Total-MK> And then there is bowsers face too
<@Total-MK> lol
<The_Purple_Bunny> It gets orgasmic to the point that Bowser
can't control the vehicle anymore, and it just bounces along
the ground.
<The_Purple_Bunny> The mechakoopas he tosses out are his way
of saying "Ok, we're done using these up here, you play with
'em."
<@Total-MK> lol
<@Total-MK> so thats why in the 3rd part of that fight...it
starts bouncing up and down pretty hard
<@Total-MK> and what of those Big Balls?
<The_Purple_Bunny> Bowser's anal beads.
<@Total-MK> ewww
#121862 [ + | - ] 338
<tobester> thats like being with a hot chick all night and
then you go "hey I gotta piss ill be right back" and she goes
"I'll join you" and you think you're about to get a handjob
but really she just needs to piss and takes the urinal next to
yours and hasa bigger penis than yours
#121804 [ + | - ] 610
<Link> I'm going to make a PC Case, with a built in fridge.
<Link> never will I be without a cold drink or snack again :D
<pookie> put an athlon in there too
<pookie> and you won't need a microwave either
#121764 [ + | - ] 735
<Desiree> my room is clean!
<Junpei> mine... is far from clean
<Junpei> but i have a chai smoothie
<Junpei> so everything is oooooooooooook
<Desiree> neet
<p00p> chai smoothie?
<Junpei> yup
<p00p> WTF?
<p00p> why do you crackers steal everything from us?
<p00p> first it's our music
<p00p> now it's our food
<Junpei> i didnt steal anything from a pile of poop, thanks
<p00p> yes, but you stole it from my peoples
<p00p> =P
<p00p> and WTF is up with this "Punjabi MC - Beware of the
Boys"???
<p00p> just because they couldn't pronounce that shit they had
to translate it
<Junpei> and who exactly are you people
<p00p> it didn't even have Punjabi MC in it, it was just a
remix by that tosser Jay Z
<Junpei> i didnt know poop orginated from india
<p00p> Indians
<p00p> did I ever say that?
<Junpei> well, you are poop
<p00p> your tiptoeing around everything else i said
p00p (asdfsdaf@firc-1691C69E.ipt.aol.com) is now known as
Siddartha
<Junpei> and besides the chai i get wasnt stolen from anyone,
its actually made in india and imported here
<Junpei> so how am i stealing
<Siddartha> your stealing a part of my culture
<Siddartha> and being a poser
<Siddartha> by trying to be "hip" and "ethnic"
<Junpei> im not trying to be hip or ethnic
<Junpei> i just fucking like chai
<Junpei> get off my nuts
<Junpei> and stop trying to pull the oppressed kid from
another country act, get over it
<Junpei> thats like me saying YOU USE AMERICA ONLINE YOU
CULTURE STEALING BASTARD
#121594 [ + | - ] 312
<Rorschach`> Idiocy is the default state of all IRC channels.
It takes a great deal of effort to raise the level of things
to only moderately moronic.
#121592 [ + | - ] 120
<@jeric> If i cloned myself, changed the y chromosome to an x
chromosome, and then had sex with her, would it be
masturbation, or incest?
#121539 [ + | - ] 158
<Mr_Joshua> no, they take those silicone bags & put them in
boxes with electronic equipment after writing "do not eat" all
over them.
<juvenile> ...
<juvenile> Is that really a problem?
#121498 [ + | - ] 1629
<jackie> OMG i got an A in reading!!!
<jackie> oh wait...damn it nvm...
<jackie> i read my report card wrong :/
#121476 [ + | - ] 67
<fearz> lol
<fearz> better than my case
<fearz> the police caught me with 20 cc's
<xvx> woops
<fearz> i got probation for a year
<xvx> that sucks
<fearz> and had to repay like $4000
<xvx> damn
<xvx> that doesnt look good on a record
<xvx> fraud at the age of 15
<fearz> lol
<fearz> hell, it looks perfect now with all the other shit
<fearz> heh
<xvx> hahahah
#121465 [ + | - ] 940
<CanyonMan> should it disturb me that the can of campbell's
baked beans
is labeled: "Now with more beans!"  ?
<CanyonMan> It's still a 12 ounce can
<CanyonMan> So they must have REMOVED something to have the
same weight and volume, but more beans?
<waltman> maybe they're using smaller beans
#121295 [ + | - ] 616
<Bravo56> How the hell is a penguin considered a bird? It
can't fly!
<Gremhawk> It has wings?
<Bravo50> Ya, and I have man titties, that doesn't make me a
woman.
<Gremhawk> No, that just makes you a man with larger than
normal breasts.
<Bravo56> Go suck a dick.
<Gremhawk> Your the woman, you do it. I'll just tell you how
good it is.
<Bravo56> I hate you.
#121270 [ + | - ] 592
<aeonite> if you wrap your heat sink in tissue paper it will
last longer
<asshat> yeah I know!
<kmad> haw
<BChikapa> I just tried that anFIRE FIRE OMG
#121231 [ + | - ] 197
<Allister> Rookie, look in your Maximum PC where it compared
all those gaming machines.
<R00kie_> hold on , gota wipe the sticky stuff off
#121175 [ + | - ] 420
<jvalenzu> dude
<jvalenzu> can you imagine a rice field working game?
<jvalenzu> that would rock
<jvalenzu> SimGrain
<jvalenzu> SimGrain: Wild Rice Expansion Pack
#121126 [ + | - ] 369
<typobox43> programming without arrays is like swimming
without trunks.  it works, but for most people, it's ugly.
#121101 [ + | - ] 263
<Saty> man
<Saty> active directory is to system resources
<Saty> what joseph stalin was to human rights
#121064 [ + | - ] 137
*** Master_Hacker (Tabby@vw-26266.mpx.com.au) has joined
channel #2600
<Master_Hacker> hi all
<buo> HI MASTER HACKER
<Master_Hacker> hi
<buo> DO YOU HAVE GIBSON TEKNIQ ?
<Master_Hacker> no
<Master_Hacker> hang on
<Master_Hacker> ...
<Master_Hacker> ill check
#120993 [ + | - ] 654
<Head> if I download porn off of Kazaa
<Head> you think the RIAA can find me?
<dsbnh> yeah the RECORDING industry has huge ties for porn
<[GSF]Nitro> Head- you will be sued by Ron Jeremy
<[GSF]Nitro> actually, since his penis is a legal entity and
franchise, it will be the wang that sues you
<Head> lol
<dsbnh> its actually declared a country
<dsbnh> you can recieve asylum by hiding under it
<dsbnh> it was recognized as a hero when it saved 3 children
from drowning
<Head> lol
<Panz> and then cummed in there faces
<dsbnh> ....
<Panz> *Splat*
<Panz> ....
<dsbnh> why must you turn a story of heroism into a sick
twisted pedophile affair
#120975 [ + | - ] 1462
<dreamer> Gargamale: a girl that posts on the local goth forum
used to think lol meant lots of love, and got a rather rude
awakening after someone's mother died - "how was the funeral?
lol"
<Jesterace> haha
<Gargamale> LOL
#120654 [ + | - ] 497
<BigFagShittyFaggotBastard> I fucking hate spam, im going to
murder the guy who made it and rape his children, I sure hope
this mail isnt spam it doesnt look like it HOLY SHIT SAVE ON
INK CARTRIDGES!! IM GLAD MY FILTER DIDNT BLOCK THIS, TO THE
COMPUTER STORE
#120620 [ + | - ] 161
<Myst> ez mac? is that a pimping kit or something?
* Myst just pictures this pimp on the box with gold teeth and
oversized sunglasses give you on the thumbs up
<Myst> free faux gold oversized neckchain with 10 proof of
purchases
#120607 [ + | - ] 518
<Turbopor> Why did God put men on earth?
<HamNcheese> Because a vibrator can't mow the lawn.
#120519 [ + | - ] 525
<confuted> they said "non-toxic"  we figured that meant "safe
to drink"
#120514 [ + | - ] 341
<Silver> i neeber olok at ym kyebord wen i tpey
#120433 [ + | - ] 301
<Nermaldrunk> alcohol is so comforting
<Austin> Yeah, vomit's just like a warm blanket, only in
liquid form.
#120413 [ + | - ] 331
<Calaveron> I'm so sick and tired of gay people on message
boards adding to their signatures
<Calaveron> "PROUD TO BE GAY"
<Calaveron> And fruity colors
<Calaveron> I mean
<Calaveron> WTF?
<Calaveron> Fine, you can be gay, I don't care
<mog> i love peer
<mog> it pwned cass good
<Calaveron> Don't be flaunting it, then it's annoying and you
get all bitchy when someone complains and thinks he's a
homophobe
* mog Random Mp3 - Queen - Killer Queen.mp3 - Size: 3.45MB -
Length: 3mins 2secs
<Calaveron> I'm straight
<Calaveron> I don't go adding pirate flags to my signatures
<Calaveron> "PROUD TO NOT SUCK COCKS"
<mog> lol
* cass has joined #herpes
* ChanServ sets mode: +o cass
<mog> fuck
<mog> spoke too soon
<draik]> wb
<Calaveron> pirate flags with boobies and skull and crossbones
and all that
* mog is now known as asspirate
<asspirate> YAR
<draik]> rofl
<asspirate> SHIVER ME COLON AND BLOW MY LOAD
<asspirate> THERE BE TREASURE IN THAT BOYS ASS
<draik]> lmao
<asspirate> yar
<asspirate> me n firs mate willy
<asspirate> thar be dragons to, yar
<asspirate> flamin dragons
<asspirate> with cacks as long as tha sea
<asspirate> yar
<asspirate> got' dig deep fer ye gold
<asspirate> yar
#120398 [ + | - ] 799
<seg> I just spent 10 minutes checking my keyboard connections
only to find that i had been typing my root password in an irc
channel instead of the ssh window.
#120306 [ + | - ] 202
<Acj> PAPAPAPA PADA PADA! POMPOMPOMPAPA POMPOM!
<Acj> I love singing along with house music.
#120296 [ + | - ] 11217
<link>once upon a midnight dreary, while i pron surfed, weak
and weary, over many a strange and spurious site of ' hot  xxx
galore'. While i clicked my fav'rite bookmark, suddenly there
came a warning, and my heart was filled with mourning,
mourning for my dear amour, " 'Tis not possible!", i muttered,
" give me back my free hardcore!"..... quoth the server, 404.
<hokage> *cries*, scary....
#120282 [ + | - ] 355
* SykoFreud (~anders@oc12-1-oslo.nsn.no) has joined #rap
<SykoFreud> so uhm ... I am a producer from norway, and i am
looking for good rappers.
<Kris81> word
<Kris81> shizzle mah nizzle let me drop this line for you foo
<pauze> hahaha
<Kris81> i make dem raps so good your pants be filled with goo
<pauze> bla bla bla bla
<pauze> ha ha ha ha
<pauze> im the best rapper out there
<pauze> LOL
<SykoFreud> I see.
* SykoFreud (~anders@oc12-1-oslo.nsn.no) has left #rap
#120260 [ + | - ] 871
<baka-san> a byte to eat? *groan*
<baka-san> I ate at a suhsi place once that called their
pieces bits,
you could order a 4-bit nibble, and 8-bit byte, a 16-bit
halfword, or a
32-bit word.
<baka-san> Some of their large combo platters were named after
structs.
<baka-san> The TCP header that we ordered was very tasty.
<billf> "you know you're in silicon valley when...."
#120239 [ + | - ] 147
<Icedagger> this is still the best name i've ever found in
canada411... Harry Poon
#120159 [ + | - ] 404
<Bayls> Kaff - can you stop changing your nick. My notify list
is about 98MB now, since I simply must know the nanosecond you
come online.
<Kaffy> bayls, thats FUNNY considering you never talk to me :(
<Kaffy> and dammit, i miss you so much when you're not here.
or soemthing.
<Bayls> Kaffy - Sadly, that's true. However, I find enough
solace staring doefully out the window into the night,
illuminated only by the soft haze of my monitor, thinking of
you and humming "Soooommeewhere ouuuut theeere..."
<Bayls> Then I load up the vast gallery of porn, all carefully
edited to include your head with the tampons stuck up your
nose on each body, have a brisk pull, then fall into a restful
sleep, my own manpaste hardening to a flaky crust as I
slumber.
<Kaffy> aww how romantic *sniff*
#120100 [ + | - ] 415
<MrWhippy> The term 'Bisexual' is the politicly correct way to
say you fuck anything