<marduk> why do all the 14-year old girls at my school have completely impossible crushes, like orlando bloom? <marduk> why don't they go for someone more realistic? <marduk> like r. kelly.
<FyreDaug> fuckin ricers <FyreDaug> civics are like tampons, every pussy has one
<davidr> w00t! I installed a camera and a monitor ... the cam points at my door so I don't have to turn my head to see if somebody opens the door <iku> ;D <davidr> and now I'll start recording everything so I don't even have to listen to my family, I'll just watch it when I have time
<Death> Hey, Jeff, how do you kill someone when they're on your nick? <Jeff> Oh, easy /ns ghost nick password <Death> Thanks. <Death> Die. *** Signoff: Jeff (Killed (NickServ (GHOST command used by Death)))
<Dante> haha <Dante> <Alb-guy> I just caught my 15 year old girl, masturbating with a vibrating 'control pad' on a Nintendo Gamecube. Now I am banning this vibrator from my household, but I am concerned about other teenagers who are using these products as masturbation aids. <Brian> HAHAHAHAHAAHA <Dante> so GameCubes do have their use after all!
<Hackwiz> oh yeah plus today my dad's car ran out of gas on the way out of the exit towards crawford street and we started pushing then a cop came behind us, gave us a ride home to get keys to the car's trunk to get gas tank. then so I go back to get gas tank I walk through the field because I think it will be shorter than going around the corner and walking all the way down the highway. I did not notice there was a mother fuc*ing stream there!!! i was like a mile down the highway and I said fuc* it so I tried,.... TRIED to jump the stream, came up short, broke through the ice and got full-body soaked, this was 3:40 pm, i had to work at 4, well I got out of the water, muddy and soaked. then i see a fuc*ing fuc*ing fuc*ing!!! barb wire fence!!! bitc*, i jump it slicing my thumb, i bleed, but it's aight. get the gas can and my computer games and crossover cable, start walking back home soaked, two hot girls stop and pull over to give me a ride home then i forogot, also the office smelled alcohol on my dad's breath so he said if my dad went back to drive the car home he would make sure he got arrested. <Hackwiz> How was your day? <LiKeM> OMG
<Nemo> whoa <Nemo> i was like downstars <Nemo> making a sandwich <Nemo> and i started singing subconsciously <Nemo> and when i realized that i was making noises <Nemo> it turned out i was like screaming the theme song to crank yankers <Nemo> and like <Nemo> the lady next door called the cops and shit <Nemo> oh man <Nemo> :(
<Jeff> god...yesterday morning sucked hard <Jeff> I woke up and took a shower, when I got out to find clothes, I opened the dryer and as I was rummaging around, I saw a dollar, so im like yoink...then I found another dollar, im like yeah! some sucker lost their dollars........then I found my paycheck...then my wallet.
<@SLing> anyway I love grocery shopping because I get to make my family look like fools <@SLing> the other day we were at the grocery store <@SLing> and the first place was all the melons (like canteloupe, grapefruit, etc) <evolsoulx> mmhmm <@SLing> anyway I remembered hearing from some TV chef that before buying melons you're supposed to knock on them <@SLing> so <@SLing> I stood there <@SLing> for five minutes <@SLing> knocking on melons <@SLing> people started looking at me strange <evolsoulx> lol <@SLing> I was like "It's ok, the TV chef told me to" <Erik> lol <@SLing> I'd knock on one and be like "This one sounds fresh" <@SLing> long story short I don't have to go grocery shopping anymore
SomethingTrifty: I'm vegetarian for a different reason SomethingTrifty: It's not because I like animals SomethingTrifty: i just fucking hate plants
<SRG> Metallica sold out in 45 mins :/ <NotOneOfUs> Yeah I know. <NotOneOfUs> Oh wait <NotOneOfUs> You mean, like, a concert? <SRG> yes
<Capt_Suicide> god fucking damnit <Capt_Suicide> my sister puked all over my toilet <Capt_Suicide> i just fucking cleaned that thing earlier from where nathan shit all over it <Capt_Suicide> good thing i bought that toilet bowl cleaner today <Kornered> what a rediculous thing to waste your money on <FaQz0r> get a dog <FaQz0r> dogs clean everything
LoRrigeer--: Dont dl porn ULVENMASTER: i dont, im mature LoRrigeer--: you dl mature porn? ULVENMASTER: no, im mature so i dont dl porn LoRrigeer--: so like ur married?
<darklink570> at first i thought that "ping? pong!" was just chanserv making fun of my chinese heritage
<Bijiy> SEABISCUIT!!! <[On-Air]NiM> Bijiy <[On-Air]NiM> I watched that movie with my mom <Bijiy> I did too <[On-Air]NiM> I will never watch a movie with my mom again <Bijiy> same <[On-Air]NiM> at the part in the stable she was like <[On-Air]NiM> WOW LOOK AT HOW BIG THE HORSES C0CK IS <Bijiy> heh <[On-Air]NiM> and I was like, OMG PLEASE NO... <Bijiy> hahahaha
<EiNHanDeR MK II> does anyone find it peculiar that the winner of the running olympics is black, and the white guys always win rifle and accuracy competitions?
<_pr1me> Nothing says christmas like handjobs in the olive garden bathroom for $2 a piece
Manghuntr9: i am taking a piece of KRAFT cheese to church with me in the hopes that i can get an extra piece of jesus and make a sandwich
<ubmentor> guys..greatest dialogue ever <ubmentor> check this out <ubmentor> girl: oh my god, that was incredible <ubmentor> guy: yeah.. you're amazing. you almost made me come <ubmentor> girl: what?! then what the hell did I swallow?! <SilentSnipa> hahaha
<fudge> wow <fudge> i am blessed <fudge> ffx-2 AND an AOL 9.0 disc <ShinakuTK_> ...some one gave you a AOHELL disk for a crimbo present? <fudge> i doubt it's a xmas present <fudge> i just get them all year then give them away at halloween to the kiddies <ShinakuTK_> lol
<deo> theres a road near me called "the queens passage" <emsy> LMAO <deo> heh....the funny thing is....theres a pub next to it.........called "the kings head"...... <emsy> ROTF
<Santa> all these chocolate bullets <Biscram> isnt there something you're forgetting to do tonight santa <Santa> THE PRESENTS!? * Santa is away, (brb delivering presents)
<vindalou> but you know how all gossip has a grain of truth <Bishi> I heard your mom's a real dirty slut
<CAMeRON> i have the best new insult - cockgoggles <CAMeRON> aaHAEHaeH aeHaeHaeHaehaeH <KEiRAN> thats pretty pisspoor cameron <CAMeRON> SHUT UP, COCKGOGGLES <KEiRAN> yeah, i didnt see that one coming
<STEELE1381> I just spent about 10 minutes taking an online IQ test that popped up onto my screen. <STEELE1381> Then, when I was finished, they made me fill out all this registration stuff before giving me my score. <sirhc614> How'd you do? <STEELE1381> Judging by the fact that I game them my email address to find out a number representing my intelligence that they semi-randomly calculated, I think I failed.
<muffins> Okay, earlier, when I said "FUCK" and left, my grandfather came with a truck load of wood for me to cart someplace. Because "Good Christian Young Men" do things like use chainsaws and cart wood. <muffins> Another thing Good Christian Young Men do is shoot guns. And go to church. I think I'm failing. <RedBeard> muffins: so kill two birds with one stone. shoot guns in church.
<MakoClause> shit <MakoClause> i am so dead <MakoClause> there is this huge dent in our christmas ham <MakoClause> where i decided to liberate some of it for a sandwhich <MakoClause> but i liberated too much <Zappy-Holidays> dude <Zappy-Holidays> ham raeper <Zappy-Holidays> where are your morals <Zappy-Holidays> I know why you really carved out a little bit <Zappy-Holidays> *nudge* *nudge* <Zappy-Holidays> *wink* *wink* <MakoClause> dude <MakoClause> i didn't fuck the ham <Zappy-Holidays> U FUCKED THE HAM <Zappy-Holidays> HAM FUCKER <MakoClause> I DID NOT FUCK THE HAM! <Zappy-Holidays> UR FAMILY WILL EAT YOUR SEAMEN
<APingLDer> So how did it go with that cheerleader from down the street that wanted to seduce you? <naeblis15> Well, I was going to go along, but at the last minute, I had one of those 'Grinch' moments, when my heart went up past my level, and Satan's and Stalin's and Hitler's and a few more levels, to where it was something like normal, and I decided that I should wait until I could have a meaningful relationship, not just casual sex with someone infinitely more popular and beautiful than I am. <APingLDer>... <APingLDer>... <APingLDer>And where was your brain at this point? <naeblis15>I don't know, but when he gets back he is so fucking grounded
<m00> Why does the mexican olympic team suck? <m00> everyone who can run, jump or swim is already in the US
<TXTerron> wanna know whats geeky? <Jennifer> hmm? <TXTerron> I'm driving down the road <Jennifer> I drove down the road today too... <Jennifer> Wait, You mean you're on irc in your truck? <TXTerron> yeah, using my wireless card <Jennifer> ^___^ <Jennifer> Jason, is that safe? <TXTerron> na, i just type with one hand while I'm driving and halfway watch the road, its cool, dont worry <Jennifer> You're good with typing with one hand? <TXTerron> shaddup :D <TXTerron> FUCK <TXTerron> i just rear ended a lady <TXTerron> brb :(
<Shaft> this is nice, customer calls in and opens a troubleticket, hes been suspended for non pay and his CC declined. Only way to turn abck on is by certified funds <Shaft> heres the kicker <Shaft> They are a collection agency
* |BEER| is AFK, i'm just a bot...day in and day out all i do is serve you....thats it!!!! I QUIT!!! TELL CB TO FIND HIMSELF A NEW BOT!!!! I-n-v-i-s-i-o-n * |BEER| has quit IRC (Connection reset by peer) <dr_binks> damn the bot just became self aware
Daniel: heh i met this chick online who had laser eye surgery today, she lives in California Nick: and? Daniel: and there was also an earthquake in california today
<Eck> British Prime Minister: I hope this can signal a reconciliation and a unity of the Iraqi people meaning freedom and hope for the people against whom the atrocities have been committed etc. <Eck> American Guy: WE GOT HIM! YEAAAAHHHH!!!!!
<sincere> there was a huge protest here <sincere> i walked out into the middle of it <sincere> i was like <sincere> get away hippies <sincere> im only trying to get to the liquor store
<Shanaynay> HEY FAGS <oval> Shanaynay, how in the HELL are you gonna say "hey fags" when your nick is Shanaynay? ;) <Shanaynay> OH NO YOU DIDN'T <Shanaynay> I KNOW YOU DIDN'T JUST DIS THE NAME MY MOMMA GAVE ME
<MaoistBanker> The Olsen Twins Announce Where They Will Go To College............. <MaoistBanker> NEW YORK UNIVERSITY, You can bet they will be getting a torrent of applications for the summer and fall semesters. <WhatTheChrist> lol remember last time new york had a set of twins <Smackbilly> Yeah, they went down on a lot of people.
* Spin2 has quit IRC (Quit: On the roof of the Church of the Future, Malgaard gets the amulet. His powers are increased by a factor of nothing. Plus wearing the amulet around his neck makes him look like a gay disco dancer.)
<Lafarga> bada: I'm throwing peanuts at your head at this moment. <bada> funny, I dont feel them <Lafarga> bada: That's because you're thousands of miles away, across the internet, so my peanuts are bouncing off my monitor instead.
<[dSx]kiLLmAsta> holy <[dSx]kiLLmAsta> fucking <[dSx]h34dsh0t> what? <[dSx]kiLLmAsta> dudes <[dSx]kiLLmAsta> if any of you have rats in the house <[dSx]kiLLmAsta> WASH YOUR FUCKING WANK RAGS REGULARLY <[dSx]h34dsh0t> ... <[dSx]awpMAN> wtf? <[dSx]h34dsh0t> you're kidding, right? <[dSx]kiLLmAsta> dude <[dSx]kiLLmAsta> i am fucking serious <[dSx]awpMAN> not all of us have wank rags, dumbass <[dSx]kiLLmAsta> so i had this wank rag i forgot about and left in a corner of the room under some shit right <[dSx]kiLLmAsta> i find it today and it has FUCKING HOLES IN IT RIGHT AT THE STAINS <[dSx]kiLLmAsta> and there's RAT SHIT ALL OVER IT <[dSx]tiMeCop> HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA <[dSx]awpMAN> idiot, hahahahahahahaha <[dSx]kiLLmAsta> fuck <[dSx]kiLLmAsta> i'm going to have trouble sleeping now that i know that SOME FUCKING RAT IN MY HOUSE ATE MY SEMEN <[dSx]h34dsh0t> dude <[dSx]kiLLmAsta> yea <[dSx]h34dsh0t> i love you <[dSx]h34dsh0t> i really do <[dSx]h34dsh0t> but it would be a crime not to submit this to bash <[dSx]kiLLmAsta> NO WAIT FUCK
<[SA]Mastiff> No. You are underage, and should not drink. <[SA]Mastiff> Go back to playing with Legos. <MaryFuckingPoppins> I don't have any Legos =( <Rigel> Fuck you Mastiff, Legos kick ass <Rigel> I set them up as the OPFOR while playing with my Moses Action Figure and army men <Rigel> The Legos lost because moses had the Ark of the Convenant <Rigel> And just like in the Bible it shot lightning and stuff. <Rigel> And then the Army Men put the legos in a concentration camp and that was the end of the Third Reich <Rigel> And THEN Moses beat hitlers face in with the Ten Commandments <Rigel> "Thou Shalt Not Be a Faggotyass Dictator" <Rigel> "Thou Shalt Not Raise the Undead" <Rigel> "Thou Shalt not put foxy agents in skintight leather and give them silenced Sten guns" <Rigel> And then back into the Time Portal he jumped, taking the army men with him! <Rigel> I should film this shit
<Bota> well, either my balls smell like propane, or my propane smells like balls : either way i think we have a problem
<@HollowmaN> The goverment was sterilizing retarded people for a few decades but stopped in the 70's. luckily i was born in the 80's
<Thom`Manson> "The Hammurderer is quickly becoming regarded as the worst-received advertising mascot since Kool-Aid's 1989 discontinuation of "The Grapist," a huge purple monster who sodomizes thirsty children." <Manboy> hahaha <Manboy> OH YEAH <Manboy> (sobbing) <Thom`Manson> hahahaha <Manboy> OH YEAH!!! <Thom`Manson> hahaha
<ascian> why do you guys need a car? <Odat> cause people look at you funny when you run down the highway making vroom noises with your mouth
ashgromnies: Let's play some Oregon Trail technocloak: I've never played that game since fourth grade . . . the character I named after myself DIED on my birthday.